


a hollow perception

by Jayzsha



Category: Fate/Zero, 鬼滅の刃 | Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (Anime), 鬼滅の刃 | Kimetsu no Yaiba (Manga)
Genre: ...this is considered as a rare pair right...?, Character Analysis, Character Analysis/Character Study: The Fanfic basically, Character Study, Demon Slayers? In Nasuverse? Probably, F/M, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Other, Platonic Relationship, ngl i cant blame you if you can't keep your attention while reading this lol, they're a bit of an ambigous organization here, this fic is very very weird and can be abstract at times, unlikely friendship, well sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24689974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayzsha/pseuds/Jayzsha
Summary: When Kotomine Kirei was put under the tutelage of Tohsaka Tokiomi for the upcoming Holy Grail War, his eyes caught the attention of Tohsaka household’s silent housekeeper, Tsuyuri Kanao.
Relationships: Kotomine Kirei/Tsuyuri Kanao
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. prologue: at first sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha. Aha. Ahahahaha.
> 
> “What am I doing? Writing a Kirei/Kanao fic? Where the hell did this idea came from?”
> 
> Surprisingly, I actually have an answer to that question (I was pretty baffled at myself too lol). I was browsing some pictures of Kanao and Kirei (believe or not, these two characters are my personal favorites) and then I saw the picture that was so similar to each other. It was a picture of Kanao surrounded by wisteria flowers and Kirei surrounded by hydrangea flowers. These are actually two separate pictures but suddenly I thought, ‘wait, aren’t these two a bit similar to each other?’ By similarity (aside from the pictures), I meant—they got certain ‘emptiness’ that resided within them. Though, the ‘emptiness’ they possessed was actually different to each other but they’re still ‘empty’ people nonetheless. Did you guys get what I mean? No? Okay.
> 
> Anyway, this story takes place in Fate/Zero. Even though Kanao and Kirei are tagged/listed as couple, their relationship is (mostly) platonic. This isn’t a story about how these two met each other and fell in love, this is more like about their curiosity in each other’s existence. And… I think that’s pretty much of it. 
> 
> This will have five chapters. Nothing more, nothing less.
> 
> And also, I would like to know what you guys think of this story of mine which was pretty much created on a whim.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/Zero or the Fate franchise, nor is the one that created the Nasuverse. Fate/Zero was written by Urobutch(er)i Gen. The Nasuverse was, of course, created by Kinoko Nasu and his team of writers. And I also do not own Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba which was created by Koyoharu Gotouge.
> 
> Enjoy (and yorokobe).
> 
> (Chapter unedited.)

**_prologue_** : _at first sight_

* * *

When Kotomine Kirei first laid his eyes on her, it was supposed to be forgettable and ordinary. It was so brief and fleeting, and not something he should’ve paid attention because of how unremarkable their meeting was.

_It was her eyes_ , he realized as he and the woman in the garden continued to look at each other, _she was looking at me. No, she was looking_ through _me_ , he thought in a bit of discomfort. Kirei was standing over the window and had been aimlessly casting his glances outside as if assessing for unknown enemies until he caught the eyes looking up to him. The woman on the garden possessed a striking lilac eyes that seemed glow in unnatural pink and red under the sunlight and dark hair framing her delicate face that nearly reached her small shoulders. Another striking look on her appearance was the ornament on her hair in a shape of fluttering butterfly. In the distance, it could’ve easily mistaken that a living butterfly had landed on the back of her head. But on a closer look, the upper half of her hair was gathered and held together by that almost-alive ornament. Kirei mused that, as he observed her overall appearance, the lilac-eyed woman being surrounded by the abundant flowers that gently swayed at the passing breeze was quite fitting for her.

But then in a split second, the lilac eyes that had landed on him disappeared, erasing the strange trance he was put under from that eyes. Tohsaka Tokiomi, his soon-to-be master, approached the window beside him. “Has something caught your attention, Kirei?” he asked his would-be apprentice.

“The woman in the garden. Who is it?” If he was a to-be apprentice for this man beside him, there will no reason to hide the curiosity of the woman watering the flowers.

“I see.” said his master in acknowledgement as he also landed his gaze to her. “I can’t blame you for being curious. She was quite a strange one. She wouldn’t have become part of the household if it wasn’t for my girls.”

“Rin?”

“And Sakura.” His master added. “They quickly became attached to her like a magnet despite always keeping her mouth shut. Perhaps, it was her eyes that caught their attention. As I said, she was a strange one.”

Kirei glossed over of his master’s words ‘his girls’ knowing that one of his daughters—Sakura—will be (or was already) put into an adoption into another family. _Matou_ , he remembered. _One of the Founding Families_. But that aside, certain words of his master piqued his interest. “Is she mute?” he asked.

“No. Her vocals chords appeared to fine. She can talk perfectly but choose not to.” His master walked to the nearby couch and sat to rest his body. “I was told she lapsed into silence because of her past.”

Tohsaka Tokiomi continued to speak as if immersed in his own words after that. Kirei had been subjected into his master’s ramblings, justifying that as his apprentice had aware to be of the existence of his family since they will be working together—in preparation for the Holy Grail War that will be held in three years. Kirei observed that his master didn’t told him the entirety about his family, carefully choosing his words with enough information. After all, Kirei knew he won’t be living together in the Tohsaka household. And as his master said, he had to be ‘aware’ not ‘know’. There was a boundary between them.

And in additional to his family, it looks like Tohsaka Tokiomi will be telling about the lilac-eyed woman in the garden. And so, Kirei listened, more closely than his master talked about his family.

Tsuyuri Kanao was her name. According to the reports his master gathered, this wasn’t her birth name, just a title of distinction given to her among the orphans. His master also told him that Tsuyuri grew up in an unknown organization that seemed to fight supernatural monsters of the night, trained to fight against these creatures. Kirei raised an eyebrow to that.

“An unknown organization that fought supernatural monsters? Isn’t that the Church’s Executor job?” he asked in slight bafflement. He wasn’t aware in such organization until now.

“No one knew what kind of organization it was nor was their purpose to train orphans to fight these creatures. Others speculated that this organization was trying to usurp the Church’s authority or someone that was spurned by the Church trying to create his own army. But no such reports was gathered. It was dismantled immediately as it was discovered. Almost everything about the unknown organization was erased as if it never existed to begin with.”

Kirei listened intently of his master’s words but there was something he was confused. “Why is she still in this household if she got a relationship to this dubious organization?” he asked. If she knew how to fight, there’s a possibility that she might pose a danger to his master—by extension, the Tohsaka household.

“Tsuyuri Kanao stayed because of the compassion of my wife but what made me resigned to accept her was my daughters.” Kirei saw the distant look on his master’s eyes as if remembering something. “It has been two years since she approached this household, crouching in the gate like a cat waiting to be picked up. Aoi helped her behind my back and my daughters eventually joined my wife. Rin and Sakura begged profusely for her to be cleaned and dressed. I accepted. And then the demands continued and I keep accepting again and again because of my daughters.” Tokiomi sighed in resignation. “Really, to be defeated at childish demands, such is the responsibility of a father.”

“But the fact that she had connections to the mysterious organization stays.” Kirei reminded.

“I know.” His master agreed. “But that organization was already as good as gone and she already confessed about her knowledge and her connection to it. It is one of reason why I’ve accepted her.”

“Confessed?”

“That’s right. It might be surprising but she told me that she had nothing to hide.”

Kirei returned his attention outside the window and saw no one lurking in the garden. “I see.” He muttered.

“That must have been a boring topic to you, Kirei,” his master stood up. “Aoi and Rin still didn’t know we’re already here. All we have to do is wait for them and surprise them with our presence.” Tokiomi told him as if trying to reassure him.

“Ah.” Kirei only made a sound affirmation, simply just to tell his master that he was listening. But his attention still lingered at the garden where that lilac-eyed woman had been watering the flowers. _Her eyes_ … he thought as he recalled her gaze on him— _through_ him like she was piercing him skin deep with just a simple look.

That eyes of hers, what does she see through him?

* * *

A squeal of delight entered his hearing when Tohsaka Aoi and Tohsaka Rin, his master’s wife and daughter respectively, arrived home. His daughter literally flew at her father and hugged him as tightly as she could with her little arms. “Father! You’re here!” she exclaimed in happiness before she turned her attention to the lilac-eyed woman who had been standing beside Kirei silently. “Why didn’t you tell us, Kanao?” the little girl demanded with small pout.

The woman only smiled faintly.

“I wanted to surprise you, that’s why I told her to keep silent about it.” His master replied in her stead. “What about it, Rin, did I surprise you?”

“I am!” his daughter nodded enthusiastically. “If only you would tell us, we would’ve prepared ourselves for your arrival.”

“That would erase the element of surprise,” said Tokiomi, gently reprimanding, “and besides, I’m sure Kanao already prepared the things for our arrival.” His master turned his head to the lilac-eyed woman who nodded at him. “See? Trust Kanao when it comes to these things, Rin.”

A pout dawned on the little girl’s face. “Fine. Just because it’s Kanao. Anyway, how was the trip, Father?” she asked, immediately changing the subject.

“It was splendid.”

“And who is that?” Rin threw a glance at the Kirei who had been standing silently beside Kanao.

“During my trip, I met Kotomine Risei. You know that priest, right?”

“Yeah.”

“This is his son, Kirei. From now on, he will be my apprentice.”

“A-apprentice?”

As if finally waking up from a dreamless daze, the startled and helpless tone of the little girl woke him up. Kirei has been listlessly listening of the family’s conversation—the usual talk between families—and decided to lapse himself into silence until he would be expectedly mentioned. But what perked him up was his master’s daughter’s voice that seemed to be tinged with sadness and vulnerability. And he saw in the corner of his eyes that the woman beside him—Kanao had glanced at him as if noticing what piqued him up into attentiveness. But her lilac eyes quickly disappeared as it landed on him just like earlier. Kirei decidedly ignored it.

“Nice to meet you, Rin,” he greeted the little girl with a polite smile. “I will be staying with your Father from now on. I hope you wouldn’t mind.” For some reason, those last words came out uncontrollably from his mouth. But his carelessness gave him some kind of satisfaction when he saw the expression of his master’s daughter’s face but didn’t openly showed the gratification on his own face. He only smiled _politely_.

“N-no, I don’t mind.” She replied, upset despite trying to hide it.

Kirei smiled _politely_ even more. “Thank you.”

The little girl didn’t reply as she only looked away from him.

“It is nice to meet you, Kotomine-san.” His master’s wife replied instead. “And thank you for accompanying my husband.” She made a bow of gratitude to him.

“No, it is nothing, Madam. It is simply my duty as his apprentice.”

She only smiled at his humility and turned her husband. “Dear, you must tired. Why don’t you rest for a bit?” Aoi offered.

“No, it’s fine. It has been a while I last saw your faces, let us talk for a while.” His master smiled with a gentle look directed at his wife. The family continued to talk with each other wholeheartedly along the way to the living room as Kirei and Kanao walked behind them in silence.

It would be a stretch to say that the silence between them was comfortable but what Kirei felt from the woman beside him was definitely apprehension. He prolonged the silence as they stood beside each other when they arrived at the living room. No one decided to raise a voice. Though, as his master told him, this woman had been living in silence, it was naturally for her she wouldn’t raise a voice for the sake of breaking the silence. Silence was always her companion.

“Nice to meet you, Tsuyuri Kanao.” Kirei said lowly at her.

Pinkish lilac met his dark eyes. It was quite obvious from her expression that she was startled, perhaps never expecting him to talk with her. Kirei smiled as he saw her usual expression broke its concentration. Kanao nodded in reply as she returned his smile and she looked away from him.

His smile dropped, his usual indifference returning to his face. Watching the loving family in front of him talking to each other, he ignored them and examine himself for self-evaluation.

Nothing noteworthy happened as usual. Everything went smoothly as expected. A tinge of admiration was directed at his soon-to-be master of magecraft, Tohsaka Tokiomi, as Kirei revisited the other man’s preparation of everything. Of his transference from the Church to Mage’s Association and his master’s apparent plan to surprise his family with his—their presence (and quickly noting the little’s girl upset look); it was as his master planned. He respected Tohsaka Tokiomi for that—and by extension, his master’s family.

But despite that, Kirei was still not quite sure of his impression about Tsuyuri Kanao.

Perhaps it was because he never met someone who possessed a piercing gaze like hers with a striking pinkish-lilac eyes as if stabbing through him. Perhaps it was because he had never been read on by someone before but she when their eyes met together as if she knew what was going on with his mind. Perhaps it was his slight interest of the silent existence of Tsuyuri Kanao that want her to look at him again and tell him what she saw on him; of something he had been confused for so long and demand her to tell him what she saw. Or perhaps it was because of her eyes that seem to know _something_.

Kirei already knew and was told by his master and his father that, perhaps, the reason why he was chosen by Grail was to assist Tohsaka Tokiomi on his road to victory. In order to fulfill a lifelong dream of Tohsaka—as one of the Founding Family along with Makiri and Einzbern—Kirei will accompany his master unto this path. It was one of the reason why he became an apprentice to this man—Tohsaka Tokiomi who held himself as an aristocrat noble. Prided himself as a mage—that’s why his master will attain the victory to reach the ‘Root’ which was said to contain all forms of knowledge about the world itself. This knowledge was what the mages had sought after for centuries; his master is not different from them.

Despite these explanation supplied to him, Kirei displayed none of his interest to this. Maybe his father and his would-be master was aware of this; that’s why they took advantage of his disinterest and made him an ally to Tohsaka Tokiomi. Despite the Supervisor of the Holy Grail War, his father, Kotomine Risei expressed openly to be an ally to the mage. This war had already tilted its favor to Tohsaka Tokiomi even before the event had started.

A question still loomed him despite already receiving an answer from his father and his master (where they answered that it was perhaps he was chosen to assist the mage). Kirei found their answers unsatisfactory but he didn’t show his disappointment to them. _Or was it really disappointment he felt?_ Kirei asked himself. When he had asked them the will of the Grail of being chosen as a participant of Holy Grail War, he was told that those who need the Grail most; a person who had a strong desire for their wish to be realized. As an omnipotent wish-granting device, the Grail will make that wish come true.

There was a shade of confusion and suspicion came at him at that answer. He possessed a desire of a wish? A wish that he had hoped to be granted by the Holy Grail? There was such a thing within him that the Grail chose him as participant and gave him this holy marks—also called as Command Seals—engraved in the back of his right hand? He had no idea. He had no purpose to begin with. Why would he wished for _something_ —a _desire_ when such a thing didn’t exist within him?

The woman beside him sighed silently and left the living room, and she made her way to the kitchen with silent steps. Kirei glanced at the nearby clock and saw that it was nearly the time for lunch. The woman—Tsuyuri must’ve left the room to prepare the necessities to the dining table, as Kirei heard noises of plates and glasses being picked up and put down.

Now it was Kirei’s turn to sigh silently. _It’s too early to hope that she carries the answer to my question,_ he thought _, I can’t simply hope that she possess that kind of sight_. He followed after Kanao and helped her silently prepare the table without exchanging words between them, only a silent cooperation that moved them together around the dining table.

* * *

Kirei ate together with the family. It was welcome party, as this loving family told him, to welcome him and as a celebration for being an apprentice to Tohsaka Tokiomi. Kirei never missed the not-so-subtle scowl from Rin. He only smiled at her only to upset her further.

But Tsuyuri Kanao ate in a different table. She stayed at the kitchen in her lonesome yet comfortable silence. Kirei encountered her coincidentally when he went to wash his hands and saw her all by herself looking at the window. His feet brought him towards her and found himself sitting across her. Lilac eyes met dark eyes once again. But the pinkish lilac immediately averted from him and looked distantly at the window outside. Kirei followed her gaze but found nothing unremarkable beyond the window.

The air of apprehension returned between them again. Uncomfortableness blanketed them like a physical matter. He saw her finger tapping restlessly at her thigh and glancing at him in the corner of her eyes multiple times. Kirei prolonged the silence again and waited. This woman in front of them being nervous and indecisively was quite… a _sight_ for him.

And then there was a movement from her. Briefly glancing at her side, he saw her writing in a notepad which she just conjured out of nowhere and showed her handwriting to him. Nice to meet you too, Kotomine Kirei, it told him scrawling. It doesn’t take him long to understand that she was greeting in return to him when he had spoken to her earlier.

He _smiled_. “Yes. I hope I’m not troubling you with my presence here in this house.” He replied in humility. 

She shook her head and wrote again. _I don’t mind_ , she told him in another scrawling note.

Kirei simply nodded. Now he was convinced that, despite her eyes, there was nothing special in this woman, Tsuyuri Kanao.

Another note entered his line of sight. _And the thing that you were hoping to find_ , Kirei bristled when he read it, _as the housekeeper of this house, I hope you’re not looking for **something** that was currently in possession by the Tohsaka family._

“There is _nothing_ within my master’s possession that has caught my attention.” He replied flatly. Kirei was baffled at this woman’s assumption that he was some kind of _thief_ trying to take advantage of his master’s good side.

_My apologies,_ she wrote to him and bowed. _I was just being cautious._

At her response, Kirei was immediately reminded of his master’s earlier when he told him about Tsuyuri Kanao. ‘Confessed of her connection to the mysterious because she had nothing to hide’ as his master told him; he finally saw that side of hers. Despite her silence, Tsuyuri Kanao does seem to be an honest individual. She didn’t hesitate to speak to him if he was a potential criminal—a _thief_ no less—and directly asked him about it. No wonder Tohsaka Tokiomi accepted her as part of the household.

_But_ , she wrote again, _you are looking for something, right?_

Now that reminds him… “How did you know, Tsuyuri-san?” he asked in a slight curiosity.

She tapped her eyelid before telling him in a note, _I’m not blind. I see what I see._

“Oh.” said Kirei. “But ordinarily, you do not simply _see_ the intention of other people at first sight, no?”

His reply must’ve got her since she became silent. Tsuyuri furrowed her brows, pondering silently. Kirei just looked at her expression full of apprehension and contemplation, and waited. Then she wrote again.

_I know it’s strange but I can’t help it,_ her scrawling words told him, _I see what other people can’t. I see the small details what others can’t. And seeing these small details, I can sometimes see the intention but my assumption of their intention are not always correct. By using and looking at the smallest shift of expression and movement, I’m only guessing the next move and react accordingly._

“When you asked if I was looking for something…”

_I was only guessing your thoughts through your expression_ , she replied, _‘something’ was the only thing I can come up with. ‘Something’ can mean many things after all_.

_Something_. Of course, it would be ‘something’. Kirei had thought about her eyes—her gaze when she looked at him, seemed to know _something_. But his assumption of ‘something’, as he found out, was not one-sided. Tsuyuri saw something within him but she had guessed wrong since she thought he was—bafflingly—a thief. But at the same time, she was right. There is something within him, he won’t deny that. Something that other people wasn’t aware of. Not even his father and his wif—

Kirei stepped back mentally. He nearly fell into a precipice when he gradually edged towards a certain memory. He mentally retreated backwards and faced the woman with striking eyes in front of him.

But she averted her eyes away from him and wrote in the note, _I’m going back to work. Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you’ll find it._ Tsuyuri stood up and bowed in farewell to him and left the kitchen. Now it was his turn being left alone in this lonesome kitchen. He directed his gaze outside and saw her lurking in the garden.

When Kirei first laid his eyes on her, it was supposed to be forgettable and ordinary. It was so brief and fleeting, and not something he should’ve paid attention because of how unremarkable their meeting was.

But with her eyes; perhaps the ‘something’ she saw within him would fill the ‘nothingness’ he had within him. His defect—the bottomless pit that he had so worked to fill, would be finally be satiate after for so long.

_Tsuyuri Kanao._ Kotomine Kirei will remember that name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha. Aha. Ahahahaha.
> 
> I still can’t believe I’m writing this.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter covered the first day of their first meeting. The characterization of Kanao was a bit different from canon but… eh, this is my fic, I can do what I want. And the mysterious organization she was affiliated with… ambiguous situation would be appropriate word to describe them. This so-called organization wasn’t supposed to be included here but I ended up writing them anyway. I’m aware there are Four Families of Demon Hunting Organization (is this the right term?) in Nasuverse from the series Kara no Kyokai and Tsukihime(? I still haven’t played the visual novel to confidently say this) and this organization Kanao was connected with is independent from them. Demons from Nasuverse and Demon Slayer/Kimetsu no Yaiba are vastly different in nature so… I’m having a bit of trouble connecting them.
> 
> The first four chapters will focus of Kirei’s POV. And the last one will be on Kanao. Just to remind y’all.
> 
> If there are some mistakes, like lore inconsistencies or whatnot, tell me.
> 
> And also please tell me what you think of this fic that was literally created out of nowhere.
> 
> See you next month.


	2. first: discordant harmony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my handling of Kirei in the story is a bit… I don’t know, loose?? He’s a hard character to write. He was noted to be a bad person but not a villain with a firm moral awareness/compass. And at the same time, acutely aware of his own ‘defectiveness’. Man, why are you such a contradicted character, Kirei?
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.
> 
> (Chapter unedited.)

**_first_** : _discordant harmony_

* * *

Upon his position as apprentice, Kirei was put into subject to the teachings of magecraft. His master’s flow of lesson were comprehensible and understanding; the way of his master’s teaching was never overwhelming nor inadequate, it was balanced in-between as if it was placed in convenience for him. He doesn’t know if this way of teaching from his master was deliberate nor it was the pace Tohsaka Tokiomi considered for himself.

As for Kirei, he plunged himself into this world of magecraft without rest. He supposed that perhaps he was driven by his own curiosity. Curious of this world that the Church had despised for a long time, curious that the amount of knowledge he received from this world might gratify him at some point.

And for other side of world, Kirei frequently met the wife and daughter of his master. ‘Met’ might be a strong word but Rin seemed to be determined to ignore his presence (if she can) and her mother would simply greet him in a simple ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ to him which he would greet her words in return.

That’s right; ‘met’ was the strong word for the mother and daughter. The only person Kirei had regularly met in this household (other than his master) was the curious Tsuyuri Kanao.

Their encounters was sometimes bridled with silence and then the day would end without the words of exchange between them. At times, they wouldn’t meet at all since they were both busy of their respective responsibility, but if they did, the conversation between them were typically aimless and random. Tsuyuri’s used notepads were the evident of their encounters.

But somehow, Kirei noticed. It was unnecessary to notice such a thing but he still did. Kirei noticed that, during most of their conversations, Tsuyuri would never raise her eyes to him as if consciously looking away from an uncomfortable thing. He’d thought that her apprehension was already casted away during their introduction (and their first conversation) to each other. However, it doesn’t seem to be a case. But that’s fine, thought Kirei. Tsuyuri Kanao being uneasy was good for him. It gave him a slightest bit of satisfaction when she was such in a state. If she wanted to stay like that then he’ll draw out as much as possible from her apprehensive state.

But still, Kirei was curious. What was the reason of her uneasiness that seemed to come from him? (Or did it come from him?) Why was she determined to avert her eyes away from him as if she saw (or realized something)? None of these questions will be answered if he would hide these from her.

“What did you see in me if you keep looking away from me?” Kirei had managed to ask her in-between of their casual conversation. However, the suddenness of that question was on purpose. Tsuyuri raised her lilac eyes on his dark ones with startled blinking and her reaction was within his expectation. He asked again. “Did you see _something_ that made you somehow you realize _something_?” The repeated ‘something’ in his words was odd to say verbally. But he ignored it and waited her response.

 _Where did that question came from?_ she replied instead.

“So you chose to avoid it?” he asked.

She shook her head. _No_ , she wrote, _I’m sorry if I made uncomfortable. I just see something that I can’t put into words._

Kirei didn’t reply. Instead, she wrote again, paused, then wrote and she showed the words to him.

 ~~ _Kotomine-san, do you_~~  
_can I ask you question?_ Her scrawling her words told him with hastily crossed words above it. Kirei saw the incomplete question under the sprawling lines and wondered what made her change the question.

“You can.” he replied.

~~_Kotomine-san, do you_ ~~  
_did you recently lost someone, Kotomine-san?_

Another crossed words appeared again. “A year ago, I did.” He told her as distantly as possible to prevent the emergence of a certain memory.

Lilac eyes directly looked at him in the eyes. They both stared at each other as Kirei saw her eyes roaming his eyes and face. He immediately realized that she was searching for… _something_.

 _Was it sad? That you lost this someone?_ she asked probingly.

“What are you implying, Tsuyuri-san?” Kirei asked her instead.

She offered a smile faintly. _I made you uncomfortable, aren’t I?_ she wrote.

Kirei furrowed his brows at those words. “No. I would like you tell me frankly what you have seen in me that made you uncomfortable.” He told her flatly.

 _I’m sorry,_ she apologized in the note with a bowed head, _I simply wanted to see your reaction._

“You were…” Kirei was suddenly reminded that she can see the smallest shifts of smallest details of the body. That means, during this conversation, she was trying to see what kind of reaction he would make talking about this… someone he had recently lost. But… “What does these questions and what you have seen in me related together?” he asked.

A distant look of contemplation took over her expression before she replied, _It was a misunderstanding on my part. I’m sorry, Kotomine-san for judging you horribly._

“Horribly…?” said Kirei.

 _Yes_ , her note told him, _I was trying to see if you cared_, there was an underline in this word for emphasis, _and it seems like I was wrong that you didn’t. I’m sorry again, Kotomine-san._

“I see.” _So that’s the reason why she can’t keep looking at me?_ Kirei thought dubiously but he accepted it for now. After all, despite the answer she told him, Tsuyuri kept averting her eyes from him as if trying to avoid him altogether.

 _I’m sorry if the answer wasn’t sufficient enough_ , her note suddenly appeared in his line of sight as if knowing what was on his mind. Kirei wasn’t surprised at this. Tsuyuri always does it to him whenever he would lapse into silence.

“No, it’s fine. You did say you can’t put what saw in me into words, right?” Kirei smiled in satisfaction when he saw her blinking confusing at him.

 _I see_ , she wrote at him, _so you saw what you see in me with your own eyes_. She turned the next page, _you’re not blind, after all._

 _Did she just…_? he thought startlingly when he read those words. Raising his eyes up to her, Kirei saw her looking at him searchingly with her striking lilac eyes.

Tsuyuri Kanao smiled… _faintly_ at him.

…

It occurred to him that their conversations was never one-way — they’d observed each other silently and was curious to one another’s presence. Kirei started to examine their talks and attempted to evaluate it for himself.

As he’d said earlier, their conversation was aimless that seemingly lacks purpose to each other. Random topics and casuals talk, this was the mood between them — distant yet intimate. Seemingly on his side but Tsuyuri might had thought otherwise. Kirei realized that, during the most of their conversation, she was always the one who brought up the topics. Their seemingly meaningless subjects of their talks—perhaps there was a hidden meaning in it. At least to Tsuyuri Kanao.

Was it the reason why she can’t look at me in the directly in the eyes? he thought as he laid to his bed with his head occupied of this woman named Tsuyuri Kanao. No, it doesn’t seem to be the case, he answered his own question. The uneasiness and the apprehension; those feelings she’d attempted to hide away from him, it wasn’t directed to him, or to anyone or anything. It was only… her. Her own feelings and her own expression, it was only her.

Perhaps because she was uncomfortable around me? he guessed. But if she was, she should’ve have told him that he was unpleasant to be with; telling him that would be easy for him if Tsuyuri told him that he wasn’t an easy company. But, as Kirei had observed this woman, she wouldn’t be so direct to tell him to leave her alone. In her eyes along with her position as the housekeeper of Tohsaka household, it would be a rude thing to do to a guest that her master had brought from overseas to the house, to tell him that he wasn’t a very pleasant presence.

But the question is, did Tsuyuri Kanao thought of him as an unpleasant guest? All of these thoughts swirling around Kirei’s head, more or less were only guesses. About her feelings and thoughts about him, these was just his deductions. Despite their frequent talks, they truly never knew each other. Their conversations was never about themselves, they actually never open themselves up to each other, guarding and hiding; maybe either or neither of these, they never… look at each other eye-to-eye.

 _Ah,_ Kirei finally realized, perhaps that was the reason of her apprehension. Talking in general was about the scratching the surface of a person’s identity and behavior. You can know that by talking each other, using harmless words to draw out gestures of the other, using innocuous expression to draw out the feelings of the other; these can be acquired during a conversation. That is, granted, if one of the party was observant enough.

Tsuyuri Kanao was definitely one of them. Covertly observant with her strange, striking lilac eyes. Oh, Kirei realized once again, those random questions from her… He finally understood why she was always the one bringing up topics between them — of their seemingly harmless conversations with their innocuous subjects they’d talk each other.

 _So you saw what you see in me with your own eyes. You’re not blind, after all…_ she’d told him earlier that startled him. He remembered that it was Tsuyuri’s own words when he’d asked how she was able to know that he was searching for something. I see what I see. I’m not blind… that’s what she’d told him, and she was using the same words… not about her but for him. Kirei can’t help but felt a bit mocked at those words.

 _What kind of person are you, Tsuyuri Kanao?_ he asked silently. There was definitely about her than meets the eye, thought Kirei ironically. He doesn’t know what she’d received from him at those casual and random questions aimed at him — perhaps she already knew what kind of person he was underneath but he doesn’t really know if she did — and wondered if those questions was done deliberately to steer clear about herself. To prevent him from asking her about herself.

Kirei thought suddenly, what kind of connection does she had in that mysterious organization his master talked about? He was told that this organization immediately disappeared the moment it was discovered, and according to the reports his master lend him, people were dubious of the existence of this so-called organization. But according to Tsuyuri Kanao, it was real and she was connected to it. People was suspicious at her. By the ‘people’ he’d talk about, he meant the Mage’s Association. Kirei expressed a visible astonishment Tohsaka Tokiomi told him.

“The Mage’s Association? They were the one who discovered it?” Kirei remembered telling his master in bafflement when he’d asked about more information of this organization. He didn’t expect that it was the Mage’s Association who found them first instead of The Church.

“By accident, yes, they were the one who discovered it.” Tohsaka Tokiomi replied to his apprentice with a gentlemanly disposition. Calm and elegant, in contrast to Kirei’s surprise. “Even though Mage’s Association was doubtful of this organization’s existence, they had taken Tsuyuri Kanao’s words into consideration and she received a Sealing Designation under special conditions. Since I was the one who found her, the girl stayed on my care, although bounded with restrictions upon my household.”

Kirei listened as the expected role as his apprentice. “So that was one of reason why you had ‘accepted’ her.” he said, finally realizing what those words means.

“And became my responsibility.” Even though those words implied indignation, Tohsaka Tokiomi’s face expressed none of it. “The Mage’s Association suggested for her to be brought to them for… examination every three months. The Association found out that… she had potential and carried… unknown properties within her body — that’s what they’d reasoned when they decided to give her a Sealing Designation.”

Examined… that word carried disturbing implications. “When is her next trip?” he asked instead.

“In two months,” his master replied.

“Since when she had been subjected into this?”

“Even since she confessed her relation to this so-called organization. You could say two years ago.”

 _So her body has been tampered that long…_ “Has there been any changes every time she comes back?”

“…you are awfully curious about this, aren’t you, Kirei?” His master commented with a raised eyebrow but nevertheless he replied, “Physically, no, there were no changes. I can’t say about her mental state though, I’m afraid.”

Kirei stayed silent after that. Besides, he had no questions left to ask about Tsuyuri Kanao.

Instead of thinking about this matter, Kirei thought, trying to convince himself; it’s better to sleep for the next day. He turned off the lamp beside him and his room became dark. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Under the darkness surrounded by silence, Kirei wondered suddenly, _what happened to her past that made her regress into muteness for such a long time?_

* * *

Kirei was immediately greeted by Tohsaka Aoi as soon as he entered the house. The mother and daughter was making their way to the backyard, about to spend their time in the garden nurtured by Tsuyuri Kanao. He found out during one of their conversations that she was the one who planted flowers. To pass some spare time, she’d told him before she changed the subject.

“Good morning, Madam,” he greeted in return before he looked down to the little cute girl clinging to her mother. “Good morning to you too, Rin.”

The girl only stuck her tongue at him before she reprimanded by her mother of her behavior.

“Rin! Don’t act like that to him.” The mother gently scolded her daughter. She smiled at him apologetically. “I’m sorry about that, Kotomine-san.”

“I don’t mind, Madam. Immaturity are a common thing for little children.”

“Immaturity?! You—“

“Rin! What did I just told you?” It was evident from the older woman’s voice that she was getting exasperated but she was able to mask it under her motherly disposition, gentle and patient. “Now, let’s go, Rin. Kanao must be waiting for us at the garden.”

Both mother and daughter excused themselves and walked their way to their destination. Tohsaka Aoi shot him another apologetic smile with a small bow before they disappeared in the corner. A small smile stretched on his face. Tohsaka Rin’s reaction was within his expectation, he wasn’t disappointed. With the small still lingered his expression, Kirei made his way to his master’s study.

“Good morning, Kirei. Seems like you’re in a good mood today,” his master greeted with a quick assessment when he arrived. “Did something happened, I wonder.”

“It is nothing, master. Just woke up in the right side of the bed.” Kirei replied with a white lie.

“Ah, I see. That happened to me too. Waking up suddenly and you feel like a happiest man alive.” His master obliviously took his lie. “Anyway, Kirei, how are you liking the training so far?” he asked his apprentice.

“It is fine. I am humbled to be trained your tutelage and given me your patience when I made mistakes.” This time, these words rang a genuine truth from him.

“No, no. No need to be humbled, Kirei. Besides, in contrary, I should be the one thankful of your eagerness to learn.” Tohsaka Tokiomi said with a grateful smile. “Your curiosity and interest… it makes feel like an accomplished mage despite already being one.”

Humility with a tinge of arrogance. Only Tohsaka Tokiomi can pull that one successfully, Kirei observed. “Thank you, master.”

“I hope Rin would take an example from you.”

Suddenly, the urge to laugh welled up within him but he immediately curbed in down and he replied with his usual indifferent expression, “I’m sure your daughter will make an example for herself and grow up following your steps, master.”

“…thank you, Kirei.” Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled gratifying at him as if those words were something he’d wanted to hear for a long time.

Kirei only nodded at his master’s words.

“I know this might sound a bit sudden but you already understood the circumstances of Tsuyuri Kanao, right?” said his master after a moment of silence.

“Yes.”

“And I’ve noticed you’ve been awfully familiar with her this past two months?” Tohsaka Tokiomi’s usual gentlemanly disposition was all but now replaced with a subtle mischievousness.

“Yes…?” Kirei furrowed his brows at the obvious yet hidden intention of his master.

“I have a favor to ask you, Kirei.”

Kirei looked at his master with keen eyes, and saw seriousness blanketing his face instead of the usual gentleman appeal nor the mischievousness earlier. Grave and solemn; Kirei rarely saw this look from Tohsaka Tokiomi. “As you wish, master.” He accepted.

“I already told you that she was given a Sealing Designation. Instead of being taken to Mage’s Association, she stayed under my care with certain conditions. One of the conditions is to be examine by them. And one of them is… to constantly extract information from her.”

Kirei understood what his master meant. “You want me to talk to her and gather information.” He said flatly.

“If you can. Kanao and I doesn’t talk every day. And when we did, she does it out of duty.”

“I thought she doesn’t have something to hide.”

“Yes, she confessed, but not _everything_. The Association wanted that.”

“But why did she stay here if the Mage’s Association could just take her under their jurisdiction? I’m sure they would easily extract information that way.” Kirei wondered coldly.

“Despite receiving a Sealing Designation, Tsuyuri Kanao is no mage. And she carried no threat to Mage’s Association itself so they mostly left her alone. They were just… curious of her existence besides the organization she was connected with.”

“…I see.” It seems like they had their eyes pointed at her instead of her connection the dubious organization. An eye opener, thought Kirei ironically, that there was such person like her existed in Mage’s Association’s perspective. “I will… if I can. The information gathering.” He added.

“You will. You can, I guarantee it.” His master encouraged. “You can consider this as part of your responsibility, as lousy as this inclusion is.” He admitted. “I’m counting on you, Kirei.”

And after that, Kirei began his training for the day. But despite that, Tsuyuri Kanao and Kotomine Kirei never shared a single word that day.

* * *

In the following days, they still haven’t encountered each other. A rare occurrence but not impossible; they never even bump in the hallway not even coincidentally. Kirei started to wonder if Tsuyuri was deliberately ignoring him or they were just too busy with their own respective responsibility.

Despite never coming across to each other, Kirei can still see her by the window as Tsuyuri played with Tohsaka Rin. Today was currently weekend, naturally there was no school. Wearing casual clothes instead of the usual school uniform, Rin smiled at the older girl who played with her as they exchanged flower crowns, sitting under the shade of a nearby tree that was planted close to the garden. Kirei thought of them like sisters, with their black hair — he observed that Tsuyuri’s was shades darker — and despite their differing eye color, they evoke the image of an elder sister and a young sister.

Sans the other young sister. Tohsaka Sakura now Matou Sakura. He supposed that, before his master’s other daughter’s adoption to Matou Family, the three of them had played together in this garden before. If it wasn’t for Matou’s offer to adopt Sakura, as his master told him, perhaps the sisters — Rin and Sakura — were still together smiling and laughing cheerfully with Tsuyuri Kanao at the garden right now.

And Kirei started to wonder. Of his own blood… the union between him and his wife, Claudia, as they were blessed with a daughter who possessed Claudia’s physical appearance. White hair and golden eyes. A little girl with pale features and without a single fleck within the girl that possessed her father’s physical traits; a perfect splitting image of his own wife — he was sure of it when the girl will grow up into adolescence. Of his wife that he had watched in her deathbed, looking and observing helplessly as he focused on her killing hers—

Once again, Kirei nearly fell to a precipice. He would have been one step ahead and he would be already falling. Falling and falling by himself into a deep abyss below. He swerved his feet and turned his back to the imaginary cliff and mentally walked back where he came from. Kirei opened his eyes and saw… them still lingering at the garden in a different spot, creating yet another flower crown.

A movement caught his attention. It was an elaborate gesture — no, a series of elaborate gestures from Tsuyuri. The little girl nodded with a rueful smile and replied verbally accompanied with series of different gestures. Hand signs, he observed, sign language. Kirei actually have been studying about it when he found out that Tsuyuri was mute. But since she preferred writing on her handy notepad, he didn’t attempt to communicate with her using it. Verbally on him and notes on her; that’s what they’d been using to talk with each other.

Or perhaps, Kirei thought as he looked at the girls at the garden, it was her ploy to never open herself to him. It was a reasonable tactic on her side — if there was one to begin with. Tsuyuri’s notepad was the boundary between them. Rin and Tsuyuri doesn’t have one so they’d easily communicate each other with hand signs. Trust, he realized. Trust and faith to each other. That’s how it was between them.

Kirei broke his gaze from them and retreated from the window. _Trust… so it comes down to that_ , he regarded coldly as he walked away to his master’s study.

Not knowing that lilac eyes had looked up to his dark retreating form at the window.

* * *

It came a bit of a surprise to him that two weeks later, just a few days before her ‘trip’, Kirei found Tsuyuri sitting by the window one night. That spot was where they had their first conversation, which also became their usual place to talk. It was an unspoken agreement between them that if they wanted to talk, this place would be their setting. Perhaps the spot was ideal for her, he observed, since this particular spot was silent yet strangely comfortable. If the temperature was warm, they can always open the window. If not, it will stay shut. But nevertheless, both of them never opened nor closed the window ever since then.

Kirei found himself sitting across her, noticing her indulging a cup of tea. When she noticed him, she left her chair and immediately went to the kitchens. The air around him seem have to paused as he waited before she came back with a tea set and returned to her former seat. She poured him a cup and offered it to him.

“Thank you.” said Kirei as he brought steaming tea on his mouth. He tasted nothing, though, it’d been always like that. Just a mediating hot liquid to help him ease a bit.

She replied him with a small smile. She lifted her own cup to her lips and she doesn’t even take a second to immediately spat out the liquid at the table. He watched her fanning her mouth, seeing her eyes went wide at the spoiled tea in the table, running immediately to the kitchen and wiped the table. She bowed apologetically at him when she was done and sat down to her chair.

“…be careful.” He told her eventually. Kirei was speechless what just occurred in front of him. He didn’t expect Tsuyuri to suddenly sputter the obviously hot liquid when she should’ve anticipated it to be not something she can handle. He sipped the steaming cup of tea to hide his bewildered yet amused smile.

Tsuyuri stared at him, seemingly envious for some reason before she bobbed her head. Taking his words into consideration, she blew the steam of her warm own cup of tea and sipped quietly from it.

A familiar silence draped over them. It was no longer awkward nor uncomfortable; it was an accustomed silence that they were used to have between them. Kirei can’t even feel the apprehension from her but he supposed that perhaps they weren’t talking to each other right now. Just a muted and subdued acknowledgment in a certain spot close to the kitchen, of each other’s presence, of one another’s company.

Kirei saw her about to pull out the notepad from her pocket but he raised his hand to stop. _And then, there’s no need to write in that,_ he gestured to her.

She bristled as she looked back and forth to him and his hands. She moved her hands, _you knew sign language?_ she asked.

“Yes.” He replied verbally. You don’t have to use your notepad. I can understand you perfectly with this, he signed.

The familiar look of hesitation washed over her face as she looked down at the floor. She eventually raised her head and nodded. She sipped her tea slowly. Kirei mimicked her action and sipped his own warm tea. A heavy sigh from her made him raise his eyes and saw her looking outside longingly.

“How was your day?” he asked halfheartedly.

She sipped again and signed with a single hand. _Fine._

“Anything interesting?”

 _No,_ she shook her head.

Kirei downed his tea and put down the empty cup at the table. He stood up from his seat and was about to carry the cup when a hand captured his wrist. Instantly, with his captured hand, he caught the wrist of the perpetrator. He can feel the seized hand going rigid along with a sharp intake of breath. Kirei realized that the wrist he captured was Tsuyuri’s.

“My… apologies.” He said as he slowly loosen his hold of her wrist. For the record, this was their first physical contact with each other.

Tsuyuri stood up from her own seat. As she took the empty cup from his hand, she bobbed her head at him, which he supposed that she was telling him that ‘she was fine’, and walked away to the kitchens.

It looks like, Kirei noticed, that she doesn’t like to stay with him any longer. Her true feelings that she doesn’t like him and doesn’t want his presence are slowly revealing itself through her actions. He can hear the water running distantly from the kitchen as Tsuyuri washed one single cup.

That won’t do, he thought, since he was carrying a responsibility to extract information from her. If he wanted to that, he had to gain her… trust. Or at least, he had to make her view that he was a… friend. A friend she can depend on and share secrets with. That’s what others would do, obtaining something through innocuous acts and deeds. Not likely keen to use and resort to physical pain like he used to do.

But with Tsuyuri, he had to use delicate method. Physical nor mental means, Kirei had an inkling these won’t work on her. For someone like Tsuyuri Kanao who is silent yet honest, he’d have to use —

Tsuyuri’s emerging appearance from kitchens snapped him up into attention as she returned to her seat. Sorry that took a bit longer, her signing hands told him.

— a direct approach.

Their conversations had been nothing more than plain and direct. Almost all of it was nothing special. Not at all. Talks of flowers, talks of weather, and talks of places—none of it was subtle and disguised. Ever since then, there was no hidden motive — or at least none on his side — and both of them doesn’t seem interested in raising each other’s hair. It was all but subdued and passive.

Kirei found himself lamenting that he shouldn’t have made an attempt to bring the cup to the kitchens. If he didn’t, the mood around them wouldn’t have worsen.

A hand came to his line of sight. He raised his eyes and realized she was trying to snap him into attention. She signed, _something’s troubling you. What’s wrong?_ she asked.

He didn’t reply. Instead, he stared right at her.

 _There’s_ … her hands paused before she continued, _there’s something you want from me, aren’t you?_

Silence. Kirei decided to let his expressions to speak for himself.

 _What is it?_ she asked eventually.

“Master… Tohsaka Tokiomi told me of your circumstances.” He simply told her.

Her jaw slackened as her eyes went wide. She looked away from him with an unknown look on her face before she nodded at him to continue.

“And I know about the conditions.”

A long sigh went through her and she looked down with her eyes closed as if to hide her emotions. She nodded again.

“I also knew about your ‘trip’.”

Her bowed head completely obscured her face. Silence. And she didn’t nod anymore.

“I was given with the respons—“

Kirei wasn’t able to finish his words when Tsuyuri stood up and hurriedly walked away from the table. He watched her silently with his eyes trailing at the butterfly ornament at the back of her head. She disappeared to a corner. There was a noise of footsteps and closed door. After that, Kirei was only person left.

Blinking, he turned his head to the window and saw his reflection smiling at him.

* * *

Blood and water. The drainage splattered with the combination of it. Kirei stared at the freshness of it.

As a sinner, a righteous punishment will come upon him. As a sinner, a fitting retribution will hail to him. As a sinner, a suitable penance will arrive to him. As a sinner, as a sinner as a sinner as a sinner as sinner sinner sinner sinner as a sinner something has to come upon him.

Blood and water. Kirei continued to stare at it. But what good will come to him if he would only stared at it? Nothing. Nil. Zero. Nothing. It would not help. It would not punish him. It would not bring him retribution. It would not give him penance. It wouldn’t. It wouldn’t to him. It just… wouldn’t.

As a sinner, a righteous punishment will come (why hasn’t it came yet?) As a sinner, a fitting retribution will hail (why hasn’t it hailed yet?) As a sinner, a suitable penance will arrive (why hasn’t it arrived yet?)

If he is sinner, something should’ve come to him but why hasn’t it came down to him yet?

Why?

Blood; the small but deep slit of his arm and water; the flowing faucet in the bathroom. Kirei stood by the mirror, showing his upper half, naked and toned from the rigorous training. He continued to look down at the splattered red in the drainage as the water washed it away like it was nothing. He stared at it blankly — at least that’s what his outer appearance was suggesting. But in truth, he was rattled. Upset and unnerved of the previous encounter with Tsuyuri Kanao.

He recalled their conversation; the splattered tea and the hand signing, of his intention and her silence—and her silence for some reason, was the part he’d recalled perfectly. He saw the gradual shift of her body language. Of her bitten lip, of her bowed head, of her hunched body, of her shaking. One thing Kirei regretted the most was that he didn’t saw her lilac eyes darken under her ha—

Regret…? Regret? Why would he regret he didn’t saw her lilac eyes darkening under her hair? Why he would feel like tha—

Kirei stopped his train of thought and raised his arm up — the one with the slit — and brought it down forcefully. The racking pain traveled to his entire arm and he gritted his teeth as the blood sipped out further from the slit. He knew exactly why he’d felt like that. He doesn’t have to act innocent nor ignorant what he’d felt when he saw her state. He knew himself better than what others had believed and judged from his outer disposition.

Feeling himself getting slightly dizzy, Kirei immediately healed his wrist using the magecraft he learned from his master as the slit effective closed up under his hand. When he felt his business was already done in the bathroom, he splashed his face and turned off the faucet. He cleaned the drainage first before he went to bed.

To think he would subject himself into a masochistic punishment again, thought Kirei, and the mixed emotions he felt when he saw Tsuyuri Kanao like that. And the fact he’d… smiled when she walked away from him, as if… enjoying himself at the sight of her despairing state, he was distressed when he saw his reflection at the window.

But… that wasn’t the only instance he was enjoying himself. Rin’s reaction was quite cute, especially when it was within his expectation. But, Kirei reasoned, that it was nothing more than just a mischievous endeavor. He didn’t draw reactions from her that was rooted from… something unpleasant. It was simply teasing.

Instead of lingering his thoughts further, he conjured some words from the back of his head.

“There is something else meaningless occurs on earth:” Kirei found himself reciting from memory, “righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.”

 _Ecclesiastes 8:14-15._ A book implied to be written by King Solomon. Kirei remembered his astonishment when he read this part of the Bible as it talked about the meaninglessness of everything. Wisdom, pleasures, advancement, riches, labor—the writer of the book declared these to be all but meaningless.

This was the only section of the Bible that resonated him. If King Solomon reached an epiphany that everything was meaningless and eventually hated life, Kirei would like to talk with him.

* * *

Kirei dreamt of a familiar cliff, with him facing away from it. Windy and dreary. Gloomy and dark. He’d dreamt of this dream many times. Haunting and clawing him in every opportunity in his slumbering state.

But somehow, something changed. Something. A faint light from his periphery vision caught his attention. He turned around to look what it was.

Instead of the usual vast horizon of darkness ahead, a different cliff had appeared, far few meters from his own cliff, unreachable and too far to jump over. When his own cliff was black and dull, the cliff across him was full of colors with flowers fluttering pleasantly in the wind. With his keen eyes, he saw something that wasn’t a flower. Unmoving and seemingly not affected by the wind. Pink and purple wings, supposedly fluttering to the air, was motionless and still as if it had landed to an object. To something dark and black. Something with a familiar form. A form with black hair and familiar colored eyes.

The form stood up. It was a human being. A familiar human being. A woman. Her hair that wasn’t tied up swayed together with the flowers. She wore dark-colored strange clothes that brought out the fairness of her skin. It made her look mysterious. Made her look like a stray. Despite that, the flowers that surrounded her seemed to like her presence and caressed her body with the help of the wind.

Her small back was facing him as if ignorant of his presence, of his own cliff that had appeared behind her.

Kirei stepped forward curiously but stopped short when he reached the edge of the cliff. Looking at the bright cliff across him, he turned around and walked away from it.

It was still dawn when he raised from the bed. A strange color of purple and a yellowish-orange brightness edging to the horizon. Kirei prepared himself for the day and without wasting time, he made his way to the Tohsaka Mansion which was almost an hour walk. He reasoned that this would be a good exercise for him. The sun was already up a few minutes later.

When he arrived, the weather started to get warm despite the early morning. It was a combination of crispness of the air and hotness from the sun. It was comforting. Before he walked to his master’s study, his feet found its way to the kitchens—at least close to the kitchens and saw the lack of presence of a certain chair. He peered through the window and saw no one lurking in the garden. He left the spot eventually and went to his master’s study.

It doesn’t take him long to realize that Tsuyuri Kanao was already gone, just before his master told him that she’d left half an hour before Kirei arrived the Tohsaka Mansion.

Kirei reasoned this was fine, there would be no distractions for a few days. Now he can focused solely on the studies of magecraft. He didn’t waste time and submerged himself to Tohsaka Tokiomi’s lessons. Kirei complimented his master silently again of his comprehensible way of teachings. His instructions was easy to understand that Kirei doesn’t even have to raise a question.

Few days passed by and no sign of Tsuyuri Kanao. Kirei ignored it and busied himself. Without any distraction, he subjected himself into a routine. Wake up and wash. Walk and greet the mother and daughter if they happened to passed him. Gaze by the window before eventually walking to his master’s study. There would be a break in the afternoon and his feet would found its way to the windows where a certain pair of chair faced each other with a table between them. Kirei would sit in the chair where he’d usually sat and Tsuyuri Kanao across him would be facing him. Though, she seemed to prefer looking out through the window than him.

A week later and still no sign of her presence. It just occurred to him that Kirei doesn’t know the extent of her trip — or to be accurate, her examination at the Mage’s Association.

“A week or two.” His master answered when he’d asked it as a passing question. “It sometimes went longer and would take a month for her to come back. Why ask, Kirei?” Tohsaka Tokiomi asked with a mischievous smile.

Kirei decidedly ignored his master’s implication. “If she wasn’t here, I won’t be able to exercise my responsibility.” He lied, though, he doesn’t know why he’d lied.

His master regarded his words. “That’s true. But don’t worry. If they want to take her under their wing, they would inform me.”

For some reason, mixed feelings emerged within him when his master told him that. If they want to take her into custody, it was fine with him. Her overall circumstances wasn’t his business to interfere and despite Tohsaka Tokiomi had asked him to talk with her for information, resisting the Mage’s Association would only incite death. The Enforcer would hunt them down if they ran, especially if you are given with a Sealing Designation.

He was told by his master that Executors and Enforcers’ line of work are a bit similar. Nevertheless of the differences to each other — with Executors executes their targets and Enforcers enforces their target for incarceration — their purpose to ‘hunt down’ are the same. Sometimes, their targets are even the same. Kirei wondered if he’ll be able to meet one someday despite no longer being an Executor.

Wiping the thoughts of Tsuyuri Kanao from his head, he busied himself to the mysteries of magecraft once again. And eventually, he came across to a certain but curious magecraft. Shared perception. Just like its name implies, it was the sharing of perception between two people — albeit with a consent to the other party. With prana flowing together — it was recommended to be used with a contracted familiar — both will experience what the other party has experienced. Hearing, smell, touch, taste, sight — the five senses itself, these sensations are united together with two people using shared perception.

Sight. That one caught his attention but he immediately flushed it away as a certain thought suddenly crossed on his mind. Kirei wouldn’t dare to ask Tsuyuri so that they would be subjected to shared perception together. Curious he may be what she saw on him, and without consent, he won’t use the magecraft with her.

A week later, he went back to usual routine, getting used of her lack of presence of the house. But Rin thought otherwise. The little girl kept asking her father when Kanao comes back home whiningly and his master replied she will back sooner or later, she was just busy and the Association must’ve kept her occupied right now so she had to wait. Rin begrudgingly accepted her father’s words and went to hug her mother tightly. Kirei only watched the affair happening in front of him as he stood behind his master silently.

Nights later, the usual dream crept him again. He’d been dreaming about this almost every night but nevertheless, he still welcomed it in his slumbering state, unable to fight back.

He stood close to the edge of his cliff, looking to the deep abyss below. Across him, in contrast to his dull cliff, the brightness of the flowers almost blinded him. It was a complete different world despite existing under the same sky. Kirei looked ahead, his eyes trained, looking and searching until he found it.

It was her. But this time, she was facing him, though, her eyes was obscured by her hair.

She raised her hands and gestured. He squinted and stepped forward but there was no place for his feet to step forward. Kirei edged closer to the cliff as much as possible and looked ahead. She gestured again — hand sign, he realized, and attempted to read her movements.

In a closer look, he noticed her mouth was moving, saying something. He also attempted to read her lips.

A single gesture — a hand sign, a sign language, she did it again along with her lips. It doesn’t take him a second to understand what she was trying to say.

 _Jump_ , she told him as she pointed at the darkness between them, below them.

As if compelled to do so, he did. But he immediately snapped out of it and caught himself, hanging at the edge of the cliff.

He woke up with a jolt after that as the shock travelled throughout his whole body. He rose from his bed and splashed his face with water multiple times. Kirei found himself glaring at his own reflection in the mirror for some unknown reason before he washed and prepared himself for the day.

When he arrived at the mansion, he heard a familiar squeal inside as he entered. He found out that, after two months without her presence, Tsuyuri Kanao will be coming back and she would arrive in the afternoon. Rin suggested to have a feast — a small feast she quickly added — for her arrival and Tohsaka Aoi agreed. Kirei realized that Tsuyuri Kanao was much closer to the Tohsaka Family than any other servants working here despite only staying with them for almost three years.

Keeping the time of her arrival in mind, he routinely went to his master’s study. But Tohsaka Tokiomi told him to help Rin and Aoi for the preparation of Tsuyuri’s arrival. Kirei obeyed without question and approached the mother and daughter in living room and declared that he would like to help them. He didn’t miss the scowl on the little girl’s face but accepted his offer. Tohsaka Aoi thanked him and Kirei replied that it was nothing.

After lunch, all of them was expecting her arrival. The sun was high up and the breeze was strong enough. It was good weather, Kirei thought as he waited by the window, looking at the gate for a car to arrive in front of it, and Tsuyuri was fortunate to come back with a weather like this.

As soon as Rin heard the gate being opened, her face instantly brightened and ran outside the door and jumped to the familiar form of Tsuyuri Kanao. Kirei briefly noted that Tsuyuri didn’t fell down to the floor despite the strong tackle from Rin. He was sure she would’ve falling from that but apparently she didn’t. He complimented her silently at the good balance of her body.

The mother and father eventually came out from the door, including him as he followed them behind silently. Rin and Tsuyuri — or only Rin — was still hugging in the middle of walkway. They separated each other when they saw them approaching. Tohsaka Tokiomi and his wife greeted and welcomed her mildly, in contrast to their daughter’s enthusiastic hug. Tsuyuri smiled at them and turned her attention to him.

“Welcome back, Tsuyuri Kanao.” Kirei nodded at her.

She stared at him for a while before she replied, “I’m back.”

Everyone gasped in surprise when they suddenly heard a small and bell-like voice coming from her lips.

* * *

A week later, Kirei still haven’t talk with Tsuyuri. He can’t blame her. With him busying himself of his master’s teachings, Tsuyuri’s presence was everywhere in the mansion. The servants who hadn’t talked to her before was now talking to her, Rin who can only communicate with her with hands before was constantly asking her questions, curious how she regained her voice, and Tohsaka Tokiomi asked her presence in the study to talk with her, with Kirei standing behind his master.

Silently, Kirei took the opportunity to observe her silently. Her hair had gotten longer as the strands rested on her shoulders. She looked weary and tired which was understandable since she had been walking around the mansion trying to catch up of the chores she’d left but only to find herself being dragged to a corner as servants would attempt to gossip and wondered how she had recovered her voice. Kirei had coincidentally found her trying to get away from their clutches and he went to help her as the servants scurried away at the sight of him.

“Thank you.” Those were the words she said to him before she also hurried away from him. It looks like she still haven’t forgot their last conversation.

“It is really fortunate that you have finally regained your ability to speak, Kanao.” Kirei snapped into attention when his master spoke. “No wonder it took you so long to come back.”

“Yes,” said Tsuyuri too silently. As if noticing the volume, she repeated, “Yes,” with voice raised.

“They must have not only examined you,” said his master matter-of-factly.

She nodded. “They didn’t.”

Tohsaka Tokiomi stayed silent to let her continue. Tsuyuri instantly noticed it.

“And, um, I was given an offer, by them,” she told him stiffly.

“What offer?” said his master encouragingly when she paused.

“To become an Enforcer.”

“Despite you being Designated?” asked his master with raised eyebrow.

“Especially that I have a Sealing Designation, they said,” she added. “I would be an Enforcer not to hunt down mages… but my own people — from the organization I was connected with.”

“Hunting down your own people… but why you? There should have been capable hunters.” Tohsaka Tokiomi wondered. Kirei agreed. There should be proficient hunters than her; why would they chose her?

“Because it’s me, they said,” said Tsuyuri. “Because I’m a familiar face to them. Just like me, they also wanted to examine… my people.”

“…I see,” said his master understandingly. “Anything else?”

“Regarding about my examination, I…” she hesitated. “They called me ‘Mana Eater’.”

Kirei noticed that his master was trying to hide his gasp. “...a Mana Eater. No wonder you are given a Sealing Designation.”

“Yes,” said Tsuyuri. Kirei doesn’t know if she was agreeing with Tohsaka Tokiomi’s words or she was simply resigned to it.

“About the offer, did you accept? To become an Enforcer?” asked his master.

“I asked them if they can put the offer on pending, they said they can,” she replied.

Tohsaka Tokiomi nodded while muttering, “I see,” and stood up. “Thank you, Kanao, for this talk. You can go back to your chores.”

Tsuyuri bowed in courtesy. When she straightened her posture, she glanced at Kirei. Suddenly, a déjà vu came to him as Kirei remembered their first meeting. Lilac eyes piercing through him yet not glaring at him. She broke eye contact with him as she walked away from the study and closed the door silently.

“Mana Eater?” Kirei asked his master after her footsteps faltered in the distance.

“Back then when confessed her connections to this mysterious organization, she told us a curious thing.” His master sat back down to his chair. Kirei took this cue and also sat down in the nearby sofa. “A Breathing Technique — a way to reinforce their body to fight in equal to this alleged creatures of night. She explained this technique like being in an adrenaline state perpetually.”

“Breathing… then supposedly the Association concluded in their examination that —“

“She’s a Mana Eater, yes, although she doesn’t seem to realize this. I wonder if this was done deliberately or her trainer in the organization doesn’t really know about it.”

Kirei now realized why his master stifled his gasped in surprise. Mana Eater. Even though he doesn’t know the term intimately but he knew what it suggest. Tsuyuri Kanao eats — or breaths in — mana that was produce in the surroundings. He doesn’t know how she was able to do it but somehow she can. Just like his master said, Tsuyuri’s trainer must’ve told her what to do but unaware that she was actually breathing in the mana. Or perhaps it was otherwise; they don’t exactly know. Kirei was only deducing along with Tohsaka Tokiomi.

“No wonder she was given a Sealing Designation.” Kirei repeated his master’s words earlier now knowing what it meant. Prana — there are two types of it namely Mana and Od or Odic force. While there are no distinction between these two, their availability supply is different. Od was what commonly used by mages. The reason Od was easier to use because it is within the living bodies — also known as life force — but low in quantity. That’s why it’s essential for a mage to rest after they’d used prana to produce magecraft. Meanwhile, Mana is an energy produced by the world; in other words, it’s all around them. It’s more likely to be used as a fuel rather than using it for magecraft.

And that’s precisely what Tsuyuri — and others like her — have been utilizing it. Who knows to what extent she can use it; as a Sealing Designation, Mage’s Association can monitor her under the observation of Tohsaka Tokiomi; under his household which she had approached almost three years ago.

“But for the Association to use Kanao to search her people… they must be planning something.” His master mused.

“And she was offered to become an Enforcer to hunt them down.” Kirei remarked as he agreed.

His master went silent with a pondering look. “Have you noticed something from her, Kirei?” he asked eventually.

“Of what, master?”

“Physically. Have you noticed something?”

Kirei thought back of the conversation earlier. She wore a long skirt and high-collared sweater, all dark colored — which he unnecessarily noticed was typical of her to wear dark-colored clothes — and aside from her longer hair and the butterfly ornament which has changed its position to the right side of her head, he did notice something. “Her posture is straighter than before and her expression is more passive than before. And also…” Kirei recalled when he happened to saw her being dragged off by one of the servant where she nearly retaliated by hitting them, “she’s more cautious than before.”

“She became stronger,” said Tohsaka Tokiomi. “Physically, that is. It seems like the Association did more than offer her a position as Enforcer within those two months.”

Kirei knew what his master was implying. “They were already training her to become one.”

“That’s right.” Tohsaka Tokiomi had an unknown look on his face. “It may be not only as an Enforcer but potentially as their hound as well.”

* * *

Kirei still haven’t talked to Tsuyuri two weeks later. Even though she just came back, with the Mage’s Association purposely burned her time into two months instead of two weeks, the looming date of her ‘trip’ is gradually approaching.

Despite her presence are no longer being demanded by others — the servants and Rin — Tsuyuri was still caught up to her own responsibility, and Kirei with the same situation with the lessons of his master. He also noticed that Tsuyuri doesn’t seem to realize that, although they had crossed each other in the hallway at one point, she never threw not a single glance to his direction as if she doesn’t knew he was there. Though, he had to admit, it was the same on his side. His mind was quite occupied these days and the routine he had developed when she wasn’t in the mansion was hard to ignore.

Two months; in that short time, everything changed between them.

“I have nothing more to teach you, Kirei.” His master told him suddenly a few days later. “You have been a splendid apprentice to me, and from now on, you can learn by yourself.”

Under the supervision of Tohsaka Tokiomi, Kirei subjected himself into learning further magecraft. Although, he can’t help his wonderings if his master had truly nothing more to teach him. He supposed that he meant it as ‘nothing more than necessary to teach you anymore’ which was likely for full-fledged mage like Tohsaka Tokiomi. Kirei knew that mages was secretive in nature and they don’t have the luxury to reveal any more mysteries to the common folk for their preservation.

There’s only a few days left before her ‘trip’ and he doesn’t know why he was counting down.

Before dawn breaks, a familiar dream came to him again. His dark cliff and her colorful cliff. It was a scenery that seemed to have engrained in his mind, mostly because this was all the dreams Kirei had in almost every night.

This time, instead of her hair obscuring her upper face; her eyes, a piercing color that seemingly glowed red and pink under the sun, lilac-purple eyes looked at him unblinkingly. As his mind finally registered who she was, Tsuyuri Kanao was standing at the edge of her own cliff, her strange dark dress gently bellowing at the breeze. Her colorful eyes averted from him and now looked down at the abyss below them. Kirei followed her gaze. When he returned his attention to her, she was no longer there. Blinking, he wondered where she went as he searched around and saw her…

Kirei woke up from the dream. The image of Tsuyuri hanging at the edge of her cliff startled him, and he was reminded suddenly of his own dream long nights ago where he was also hanging at his cliff after he was told to jump where he unknowingly inclined. Was it some kind of retribution? he wondered.

He nearly went to his master’s study in the morning as his routine told him but stopped himself just in time, recalling that Tohsaka Tokiomi had nothing to teach him anymore. Kirei found himself near at the kitchens and sat at the chair that was close to the windows. He peered through it and saw the sun edging at the horizon.

“Good morning,” a chime-like voice greeted him.

Kirei snapped his head and saw Tsuyuri now sitting across him. “Good morning,” he replied.

“Does Kotomine-san usually come here at this time of morning?” she asked.

“I do,” he replied. “But I am earlier than usual today because of a dream.” Kirei doesn’t know why he told her that.

“A dream…” she repeated as if wondering his words. “Kotomine-san have dreams?”

“I have. Doesn’t everyone?” said Kirei.

She paused. “That was stupid question, isn’t it?” said Tsuyuri.

“To put it a perspective, it was.” He agreed.

She chuckled softly. That was time first time Kirei heard her laugh. “I’m sorry.”

Silence. It was no longer a usual silence between them. It was… passive and still as if there was an enmity involved.

“About our last conversation before I went to my… ‘trip’,” her words stumbled, “was that fun for Kotomine-san?”

“…fun?” Kirei noted that she wasn’t directly referring to him as if he wasn’t there.

“Was Kotomine-san satisfied?” she asked, her voice raising yet there was no trace of hostility against him. 

“…satisfied?” Kirei was increasingly getting confused. Though, he knew in his gut what she was talking about.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. Once again, Kirei realized that this was the first time he saw this kind of look from her. He never knew she was this expressive. If her notepad that acted as the boundary, perhaps he might have already seen this look long ago. “Never mind. It is better if Kotomine-san doesn’t know about it,” she said.

Kirei bristled. She knew something he doesn’t know. “Why is it better that way?” he asked.

Tsuyuri looked at him searchingly. “Does Kotomine-san want confirmation or awareness?”

“What…?”

“The thing Kotomine-san have been searching for. Was it confirmation or awareness?”

Confirmation or awareness… he thought. “What if I said both?”

“Both…” said Tsuyuri. “I see. I was wrong again. I never thought it would be both.”

“…have you thinking about this since then?” he asked. Kirei never expected she had been contemplating about the ‘thing’ he was searching for.

“Not really. Besides, the thing Kotomine-san wanted awareness as well as confirmation, I don’t know what it is. I’m only guessing that.” She paused to look at him. “Kotomine Kirei is hard to read after all.”

Kirei’s not quite sure if he should take that as a compliment. “I see.”

Another silence. The warm light of the sun touched their skin as it peered in the windows. Tsuyuri turned her head as if now noticing the sun was finally rising up into the blue sky. “The Holy Grail War,” she said suddenly. “Kotomine-san and his master are participating, isn’t it?”

Kirei can’t help but notice the detached manner she regarded Tohsaka Tokiomi as if he wasn’t her employer, just like she regarded him earlier, even now. “We are,” he replied; and he also noted that she seemed to have an awareness of the death tournament that will occur soon.

“When?”

“In two years.”

Tsuyuri stood up. “I see.” As she was about to walk away, she stopped. “I’m… sorry if I wasn’t able to prepare a cup of tea,” she told him.

“It is fine,” he replied as he offered her a smile. Tsuyuri looked at him as if scrutinizing his expression before she nodded and walked away.

When she disappeared to a corner, Kirei turned his head to the window and saw his reflection seemingly disappointed.

* * *

It was another two months of her disappearance, and before he knew it, another routine was improvised into his schedule.

Even though the servants of the household made a fuss to Tsuyuri when she regained her voice, Kirei noticed that they don’t actually hold a significant thought to her. Tsuyuri Kanao was more or less was just a servant, those were their thoughts despite her close relationship to the Tohsaka family. She wasn’t a target of jealousy and resentment, nor was she an object of loathing by them. They thought that, just like them, she don’t — or won’t — have the nerve to stand beside their employer.

Perhaps they were right, or maybe they were wrong. Tohsaka Rin was close to Tsuyuri Kanao compared to the overlooked servants, Tohsaka Aoi held a motherly sympathy to Tsuyuri Kanao compared to the ignored servants, and Tohsaka Tokiomi had his attention to her by the courtesy of his responsibility compared to the disregarded servants. Despite these, the servants of the household had no enmity towards their housekeeper.

These thoughts was what Kirei occupied on his head, as the familiar of numbness and detachment had draped over him like a blanket as an old friend. Studying magecraft still doesn’t give him a longing sense of accomplishment despite drowning himself into it. But nevertheless, he never threw away the knowledge Tohsaka Tokiomi gave to him. It may not benefit him personally but Kirei would be able to use it in the upcoming Holy Grail War.

It was the same routine every day, waking up in dawn and washing himself, walking to the Tohsaka Mansion and greet the mother and daughter in the hallway — it was the same as before except that he no longer walks to his master’s study unless Tohsaka Tokiomi told him so. Repetitive and monotonous, Kirei found himself into this familiar routine that he neither liked nor disliked.

And as routinely as his schedule is, the dreams of Tsuyuri Kanao’s colorful cliff was one of them every night.

Kirei found himself wondering why his dreams always involved her. Tsuyuri held no significance to him and yet why he can’t seem to erase his thoughts about her? He bore no feelings for her nor any sentiments of her situations but he can’t forget about her. Even the Tohsaka household had seemingly forgot her presence in the mansion but Kirei can’t. He still sat in the chair beside the window that was close to the kitchens. He still looked down at the garden in the backyard for a lurking presence and finding none of a familiar form. It was just a gardener watering the plants and flowers.

 _What kind of person are you, Tsuyuri Kanao?_ He found himself asking the same question as before, and Kirei hadn’t had the slightest idea to answer it.

Was the flowers surrounding her as it gently swayed in the breeze was her disposition? Or was it only his impression of her? Kirei thought as he watched her across him in his dream. Are the various kind of flowers around her held a deeper meaning? Or was it only how he saw her?

Kirei was troubled, but why did it troubled him? He had no answer; he never searched for it to begin with.

“The thing Kotomine-san have been searching for. Was it confirmation or awareness?” The apparition of Tsuyuri Kanao in his dream asked as she parroted the same words of her original consciousness.

“Both.” Kirei answered the same answer.

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to prepare a cup of tea.”

Kirei was suddenly reminded how she spat out the hot liquid from her mouth and the amusement it brought within him. “It is fine.” He offered the same smile.

“The Holy Grail War. Kotomine-san and his master is participating, isn’t it?”

“We are.” Kirei told her the same reply.

“The Holy Grail War…” she murmured, no longer following the script.

Kirei looked at her across him, and without warning, he woke up. And that morning, it occurred to him why Tsuyuri Kanao had suddenly asked about the Holy Grail War.

* * *

Tsuyuri Kanao came back after two months. He heard voices in his master’s study as Tohsaka Tokiomi and Tsuyuri Kanao talked. He decided to never interrupt them with his presence and sat by the window close to the kitchens.

Tsuyuri arrived even before the dawn broke; Kirei would have noticed her arrival in the mansion if she didn’t. He waited for them to conclude their talks with eyes closed, clearing his mind with unnecessary thoughts.

The sound of a door closing opened his eyes, and realized that the sun was already rising in the horizon. Kirei supposed that he must’ve fallen asleep for a while. He stood up and made his way to his master’s study. Tsuyuri nearly collided to him when she turned into a corner as her nose brushed to his chest. Both of them backed away immediately.

“My apologies,” said Tsuyuri as she bowed to him.

“Welcome back.” That’s what Kirei replied instead.

She looked confused for a while before she nodded. “I’m back,” she told him as walked around, leaving him in the hallway.

When she passed him, something caught his attention. Something dark and red in the back of her hand. Kirei caught it with his hand.

“What’s wrong?” asked Tsuyuri, startled that he gripped her hand. Kirei ignored her question and traced the mark in the back of her hand.

There’s no mistake what he had seen, thought Kirei as he traced the fragmented pattern, even though it haven’t emerged yet but this is definitely a Holy Mark—traces of Command Seal engraved in her hand.

“A dirt, I think,” said Tsuyuri as she noticed him eyeing the stain-like mark. “I don’t know where I’ve got it. It wasn’t there when I departed London.”

“…you don’t know?” asked Kirei.

“No.”

“You never talked to my master about this?”

“No,” she replied. “It’s just a stain.”

“This is not a stain,” Kirei told her bluntly, “are you aware how the Holy Grail War works?”

“No.” She was getting confused.

“Why did you ask about it before then?” asked Kirei as he recalled their previous conversation. She wasn’t aware of it after all?

“Because I’ve heard about it,” she replied, “I heard that one of the instructor from Clock Tower is participating.”

Kirei went silent. So it has begun. Even though the event itself will take place in two years, it makes sense for other participants already preparing themselves. Kirei busying himself in the studies of magecraft; he almost forgot about it. “Talk to my master again, Tsuyuri,” he raised her hand he still held, “and mention this to him.” Kirei advised.

“…alright.” Tsuyuri replied eventually, and Kirei let go of her hand. “Kotomine-san is about to go to his master’s study, right?”

“I am,” he admitted.

“Let’s make our way together there,” Tsuyuri offered innocuously, “as his master’s apprentice, Kotomine-san have to be with him.”

Kirei observed her quietly. Does she really care about my role that much? And also, the way she considered me and Tohsaka Tokiomi… the detachment of her words was something he can’t ignore. “Let’s go.” He accepted her offer.

Both of them walked ahead, following the same way to Tohsaka Tokiomi’s study.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are unfamiliar with the terms:
> 
> Sealing Designation – an edict handed down by the Mage’s Association to maintain and protect special magical abilities which cannot be acquired through study (from Type Moon wiki). Kanao is a special case since she’s not a mage, and she had no research nor any works under her name, so you could say she was a Sealing Designation by name only. The Association is more interested in researching HER; her existence and her body potential. (Please correct me if I’m wrong or if I misunderstood the term.)
> 
> Magecraft – Nasuverse has two ‘kinds’ of magic since there’s magic that ‘performs miracles’ (commonly used and shown in the series) known as magecraft, and magic that can ‘make the impossible possible’ (very rare) known as Sorcery or True Magic. Heaven’s Feel, or Cup of Heaven is one of the True Magic, classified as Third Magic (Materialization of Soul). Yes; there’s First Magic (Denial of Nothingness), Second Magic (Operation of Parallel Worlds), Fourth Magic (no info yet) and Fifth Magic (Magic Blue), and only these five exist in the modern era. Least to say, the term of ‘magic’ is wide and broad so I had to tread carefully using these terms to avoid confusion.
> 
> About the organization Kanao was connected with, they kinda have the same nature of the organization where Caster’s Master (Soichirou? Soujurou??) grew up as an assassin. The ‘independent and unseen’ type of nature. But I guess it’s up to you how you see it.
> 
> Did you guys get it? No? Yes? Well then, see you next month.


	3. second: imaginary blood-red flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter unedited.)

**_second_** : _imaginary blood-red flowers_

* * *

Kotomine Kirei was right; he was right that the smudges that appeared on Tsuyuri Kanao’s hand was the traces of Command Seals. But the seals itself haven’t emerged fully, so she wasn’t a full-fledged Master yet, a participant of the coming Holy Grail War, a battle royal event that will take place in two years.

“When did you get this?” Tohsaka Tokiomi asked, surprised when she mentioned it that morning when she came back to the study with Kirei. “Did the Association knew?”

“This wasn’t here when I was on the airport. Maybe I got this on the way at the airplane,” she replied, “No. They don’t know.”

Kirei had made his way and was now standing behind his master, silent and unmoving. Tohsaka Tokiomi doesn’t seem to notice his presence and only continued to question Tsuyuri. “Are you sure about that?” he asked.

“I’m sure,” said Tsuyuri.

Tohsaka Tokiomi fell into silence, his eyes was distant and contemplating. “Do you want to participate in this war?” he asked eventually.

Tsuyuri looked at Tohsaka Tokiomi searchingly, and glanced down at her hand. “Are the marks on my hand is a condition to join this war?” she rebounded the question.

“If it completely appears, you would become a Master. If you are chosen, then that is the will of Holy Grail.”

“Will?” asked Tsuyuri, confused. “It’s a person?”

“Sentient,” said his master, “it has a will on its own, and that mark is the proof of it.”

“But why me? Why is the will of Holy Grail chose me?”

“Those with desires within their hearts, a wish they wished to be granted—the Holy Grail chooses these people as participants, giving them a chance to make the impossible possible. Unless with some exception, perhaps you have the reason to wish for a miracle.”

“But I…” she faltered, “I don’t have a wish I wished to be granted, nor a desire within my heart, nor have a reason to wish for a miracle.”

“Maybe,” His master said, “but even so, the Holy Grail has chosen you.”

“But I’m not,” refuted Tsuyuri, “not yet,” she added.

“Not yet,” agreed Tohsaka Tokiomi, “but potentially, you already are.”

Tsuyuri lapsed into a thoughtful silence, looking down at the smudges in the back of her hand.

“I still haven’t heard your answer, Kanao,” his master continued, “would you participate in this war?”

It took her a while to reply. “If I have no choice,” said Tsuyuri eventually.

“I see.” His master replied after a moment of silence. “I suppose in your perspective, you didn’t expect this at all.”

“I didn’t,” she agreed.

“Nor has heard about the Holy Grail War.”

“I didn’t,” she lied. Kirei glanced at her. She didn’t returned his look.

Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled his gentlemanly smile. “You can rest now, Kanao. You must be tired from all the ride.”

Tsuyuri didn’t reply and only stood up promptly. She bowed in courtesy after she directed her lilac eyes on Kirei and left the study. His master sighed. “How troublesome,” said his master, “Her potential participation is either beneficial or an obstacle to us.”

Kirei stayed silent. His master noticed this. “You have nothing to say in this matter?” he asked.

“I do,” Kirei said, “I think Tsuyuri was rather hesitant to join as participant.”

“Obviously,” his master said matter-of-factly, “But I’m a bit worried if she did. Kirei, you know your role of our plan, isn’t it? When your Command Seals will allegedly appear?”

“I, Kotomine Kirei, will leave your apprenticeship,” he replied promptly.

“And how does Tsuyuri Kanao fit in all of our plan?” mused his master.

Kirei doesn’t have to think long enough. “You wish to make her join into our…?”

“Her decision to become a Master lies in her Command Seal,” said Tohsaka Tokiomi, “Even though she has no intention to join the war, she will be forcibly dragged if it appears. She’s just a pawn waiting to be used.”

A familiar desperation and insistence; once again, Kirei saw it tinging the words of Tohsaka Tokiomi. It was the same subtleness when Kirei had asked why he was chosen by the Holy Grail as a Master. “Would ask her before or after her Command Seals appear?” he asked calmly.

“It would be better if your father see to this, Kirei,” his master suggested instead, “Since your father is the Supervisor, Kotomine Risei is obliged to see the potential Master.”

“As you wish.” Kirei knew the tone Tohsaka Tokiomi used. It left no arguments. “I shall call my father tonight.” He paused as he remembered suddenly, “Master, what do you mean Tsuyuri would be an obstacle?” he asked.

“Ah,” his master realized, “I meant the Mage’s Association,” he told him simply.

Kirei immediately knew what his master meant. “I see,” he said, nodding. If the Mage’s Association found out about her Command Seals, there’s a possibility they would make her became another representative Master for the Association. But, in this war between mages, there’s also a possibility that she would lose at the first round seeing she was no mage. But, Kirei realized, her training to become an Enforcer…

“I hope you still remember your other responsibility, Kirei,” Tohsaka Tokiomi said suddenly, “About her.” he clarified.

“I haven’t,” Kirei assured.

“Good. I was afraid you had.”

Kirei clamped his mouth down to prevent his unvoiced answer. _I haven’t. Even if I wanted to, I can’t._

* * *

A single candlelight was his only source of light in the darkness-ridden workshop. Despite no longer being taught, Kirei still continues to read the mysteries of magecraft, holding an old book in his hand as he stared and trailed his eyes repeatedly in a certain passage written in it.

Breathing and Walking, he read. Kirei never expected to come across such a passage in a mage’s book. He was merely skimming through the dozen books until this particular term in a worn-out book caught his attention. The book told him it was one of the key concept in magecraft, including martial arts. It is a high-level secret that can’t be easily imitated nor learned, and in turn, not valued by the western mage who simply used incantations instead. But those who are simply born with this (the proper way of breathing and walking), it caused their body to act as a one pure and natural Magical Circuit, and they can created greater miracles than any mage even without any prior knowledge about magecraft. A rare instance, but not impossible to find in a person, it told him.

It is a rare find indeed, thought Kirei, since they found Tsuyuri Kanao who happened to possess these kind of skill. Kirei remembered that his master told him that she was an orphan, and the name, Tsuyuri Kanao, was given to her as an identification of distinction. Other than Tsuyuri, it implies that there are other orphans like her taken in the organization she was connected with. And the reason why she was offered to become a Special Enforcer, Kirei realized. The Mage’s Association was clear as transparent about the intention why they gave the offer to Tsuyuri, planning to hunt them down for their own interest, or for incarceration. Either the former or the latter; nevertheless, the fact that they have their attention to these people was obvious to see.

Kirei closed the book with a snap, slipping it to its former place in the bookshelf. Breathing and Walking—the book doesn’t provide enough information about it, but he supposed it was fine. After all, Tohsaka Tokiomi, through and through, followed the teaching of Western magi and must’ve thought that he should never give his attention that wasn’t worth of his time, something that was out of his reach. His master even confessed at some point, Kirei forgot when, that he was never an extraordinary mage, and would stay at the bottom rung as average among the exceptional. But despite his inability to rise, he thought it would be better to be diligent what he was good at rather than being an outstanding in everything, and in turn, as Tohsaka Tohsaka said satisfyingly, his diligence was answered. He was even blessed with exceptional daughters who carried great potential within them.

And then Kirei found out the truth about the adoption of Tohsaka Sakura to the Matou family. He didn’t mean to hear it but Tohsaka Tokiomi, immersed in his words, told him about it. His master was put into a dilemma that, because both of his daughters carried extraordinary potential, he doesn’t know what to do with Sakura. Only the eldest mage child can carry the responsibility of their parent’s work, and the other child would fall into obscurity—and that other child was Sakura’s inevitable fate as Rin would carry on with the responsibility as the next family head. It would have been better if Sakura was not exceptional unlike her sister, his master lamented, but his wife’s womb was simply too bountiful. When Rin was on the verge of death when she was still a baby, Tohsaka Tokiomi had no choice but to create another one for replacement if Rin does die. But fortunate yet unfortunately, Rin survived and Sakura grew up and they stayed each other’s side as sisters. His master knew that looming day of their fate would soon come one day. One living with an obligation and one with absolute ignorance. This was their fate. Until Matou approached him.

“Sometimes, I wondered what would happen if Sakura wasn’t taken by the Matou,” Tohsaka Tokiomi had mused as if finally snapping out of his trance, “and Tsuyuri Kanao would accept the offer as an Enforcer.”

“Master?” Kirei never expected those words since it came out of nowhere.

“Both my daughters has greater potential than me when I was a kid. No, even in this age, they would surely surpass me,” said his master without his usual disposition, staring at the distance, “Since Rin would follow my steps, I wondered what would happen if Sakura was left unchecked on her own.”

Kirei wanted to stay silent, but he found himself saying, “It is a possibility that Tohsaka Sakura would grow up in jealousy to her sister.”

“Yes,” said his master ruefully, “it is a possibility that would happen but thankfully, that is no longer the case. As long as Sakura will grow up as a Matou, she’ll be able to exercise her own potential instead of being hunted down.”

“Hunted…?” Kirei was about to say why she would be hunted down and then he realized, “Sealing Designation.” His master said it himself — his daughters held greater potential than him. If the scenario that Sakura would grow up full of negativity; if there was a possibility that this scenario would be realized…

“Sealing Designation.” Tohsaka Tokiomi agreed. “And if that happens, Tsuyuri Kanao will hunt her down.”

“But Matou Sakura won’t be hunted down,” said Kirei.

“She won’t. And Tsuyuri Kanao won’t be hunting her. Besides, mages wasn’t the one she would be hunting down.”

“…do you have something against the Enforcers, master?” Kirei asked eventually.

“Not really. I’m just being cautious about them.”

And that was the last of their conversation. Kirei thought that his master being keen about Enforcer was understandable since they are the one who hunts down the resisting magi who are given the ‘title’ of Sealing Designation for captivity, and the possibility that Tohsaka Sakura would be subjected into it and despair…

“I saw the tears of the oppressed,” Kirei found himself reciting, words emerging from his mind to his mouth, echoing in the dark room, “and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressor and they have no comforter. And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.”

Ecclesiastes 4:1-3. And then he prayed Hail Mary for a good measure. His thought are now getting nowhere. Kirei was supposed to search for more information about Breathing and Walking and yet here he is, standing in the dark workshop of his master as he thought about the possible suffering of one of his daughter. Kirei tightly closed his eyes. The darkness in the workshop is getting on me, and it’s not good to dwell there any longer, he told himself as he left the workshop in the basement and greeted the sunlight pleasantly at the ground floor.

And met a pair lilac-purple eyes looking startlingly at him.

“Good afternoon,” greeted Tsuyuri as she walked around him and went down the hallway. Kirei looked at her small back, rooted at the spot. Seems like she nearly collided at him again, he noticed. Without thinking, his feet swerved and followed her trail to the garden, where she was watering the plants, as if oblivious at the searing sun above her and walked plant to plant in order to water it individually. He made his way to the bench under the shade of a tree and rested there, unthinkingly watching Tsuyuri as she did her job.

Breathing and Walking, he recalled as he took a closer look at her. Straight and compose, Kirei saw as he observed her posture. Her breathing was difficult to surmise but her calmness was enough for him to tell that it was even and focused. And her walking… Kirei thought, her walking was exceptionally ordinary; there was nothing unique nor any special qualities to it. Everything about her was simple and normal.

Or unless… Kirei picked up a stone nearby, and without warning, he threw it into her direction. A soft ‘thud’ hit her in the back of her head. She rubbed her head confusingly and turned around to see what hit her, picking up the rock he threw at her. Tsuyuri swept her gaze in the garden and her striking lilac eyes landed on him. She stared at him for a moment, and then she approached him. “Did Kotomine-san…?” she trailed her words openly for his response, raising the tiny stone in question.

Kirei raised his head, still sitting in the bench. “Who else is in this garden?” he asked. Tsuyuri promptly searched around with keen eyes, and returned her gaze to him.

“No one but Kotomine Kirei,” she replied.

He didn’t bother answering her earlier question. “Do you need help around here?” he asked, meaningfully pointing his gaze at the abundant flowers behind her.

“No,” she replied, then she quickly added, “I didn’t mean it like that. Kotomine-san must be busy.”

“I’m not,” said Kirei, “I’m not busy. I can spend my time whenever I like.”

Tsuyuri blinked, still standing in front of him. “Kotomine-san is not his master’s apprentice anymore…?”

“Kirei. You can call me that if you like,” Kirei suggested. “And I’m still my master’s apprentice.”

“Kirei…-san.” Tsuyuri said slowly, and sat beside him in the bench. “Kirei-san threw this at me, why?” she asked, raising the stone she still held in her hand.

“Because I wanted to find out something.” Kirei said truthfully.

“Of what?”

There was no use to hide his intention, Kirei knew, since all their conversation had been direct and blunt. “The Breathing Technique,” he said flatly.

“Oh,” said Tsuyuri confusingly, “why does he want to find out?”

An idea suddenly came to him. “Because I wanted to know how it was used and wanted to use it.” He paused, and Tsuyuri looked at him expectedly as if he still had something to say. She was right and he continued, “And in return, I’ll teach you my own technique.”

Her eyes lit up as she pointed an enquiring stare to him, and that’s what Kirei knew he had caught her. But immediately seconds later, she furrowed her eyebrows and frowned suspiciously, “Why does Kirei-san want to use it?” she asked.

“For my own.” Those words carelessly spilled out from his mouth. Tsuyuri looked penetratingly at him, as if wanting to know if he had any further intentions, her eyes roaming his body up and down as she assessed him quietly.

“And what technique would he teach me?” she asked warily.

That goes without question as he easily replied, “The Chinese martial arts, Bajiquan.”

* * *

It was the time of her ‘trip’. And Kirei watched her dragging the small luggage to the door. “Do you need help?” he asked as soon as he entered the front door, just in time to see her about to raise her hand and grasp the doorknob.

“No,” she shook her head a little, “Kirei-san doesn’t have to.”

“I insist,” he insisted tonelessly.

“No.” Tsuyuri wasn’t easily swayed, flatly rejecting him. “Besides, this is small and I can carry this by myself,” she said pointedly. Kirei sidestepped as he widened the door, and received a grateful look from her. Tsuyuri made her way to the car that was already waiting for her, dragging her luggage before she stopped. She turned her head to him, “When I get back, I’ll teach you. Please, wait until I come back.” There was an apprehensive touch in her voice, which he never missed no matter how she tried to hide it. Kirei only inclined his head in reply, and after that, she entered the car wordlessly as it took her away to its destination.

“Looks like your carrying your duty very well,” his master remarked as he emerged behind him, “Did you bait her with something?” Tohsaka Tokiomi asked.

“I did,” Kirei admitted.

“I see. Whatever it is, it seemed to have caught her attention,” said his master approvingly, “It’s been a while since I’ve seen the curiosity in her eyes. I can still remembered it when she first entered the mansion, she can’t stop looking and turning in every corner and gaped around as if she’d entered a new, foreign world.”

Looks like his master is in the mood again, Kirei discerned silently, and if he can take advantage of this… “How was it that Madam able to take care of her behind your back?” he asked carefully, subtly urging his master.

“It has been almost three years now… or was it already?” his master started as both men made their way to Tohsaka Tokiomi’s study. “Aoi’s actions was a bit surprising to me at that time, since I’ve never expected she would do something behind my back. But she did, and without my permission, she let the homeless girl enter the territory of our abode. Aoi fed her without my knowledge of our leftovers, and apparently the servants knew about the homeless girl and helped my wife. My daughters found this homeless and dirty girl one day and eventually found out that their mother was helping this girl so they joined their mother’s endeavor.” They both entered the study as his master sat in his usual place and Kirei, by the sofa. “The nerve of my wife and girls, I was angry when I found out. That was the first time Aoi and I fought, and Rin and Sakura was scared of us when we raised our voices to each other.

“I told Aoi the possibility of this homeless girl to be an agent of someone who was against me, but she reasoned if someone would ever try to assassinate me, they wouldn’t stoop so low using a method like sending a harmless and dirty girl to try and catch the target off guard and kill me. I saw logic in her words, but I was still angry. I kept raising possibility after possibility against the girl and yet, she always reasoned, trying to patient of my words, trying to be understanding of my spite while also trying to soothe and gentle my anger. I relented, tired and exhausted of my own anger, and Aoi… comforted me.

“You remembered my words, right, Kirei? That my daughters begged for the girl to be cleaned and dressed? Yes, that happened. It happened at the same time as we found out that the homeless girl can read and write. I was suspicious, and Aoi didn’t argue about it. And that’s how I was able to found out about Tsuyuri Kanao’s connection to this… organization.”

“And this organization… you said it was dismantled immediately as it was discovered, how was it the Mage’s Association didn’t capture any person from it when they found it?” Kirei asked, listening intently of his master’s next words.

“Hmm… I don’t know the whole circumstances myself but they said, or theorized that this organization was hiding behind the mask of an establishment of a harmless hotel hiding among the crowd, easily overlooked by others. They said there was no Bounded Field surrounding it, that’s why it went unnoticed by mages and common folks alike. A simple establishment, this organization hid behind this front. The moment they realized that this innocuous hotel was actually an organization hidden, the members itself was already gone, as if already dispersed to the wind, no traces left, and the hotel itself was already deserted. Even though the report said, ‘immediately dismantled as it was discovered’, it was more of a ‘discovered after it was dismantled or disbanded’. No one was able to discern the true nature of this organization.”

“Until the homeless girl arrived in your doorstep.”

“By the gate,” corrected Tohsaka Tokiomi, “but yes, until she arrived. With my suspicion on her, I found out she was an orphan, nameless and abandoned given with the name ‘Tsuyuri Kanao’ as a mere distinction from her fellow orphans. The reports said that the orphanage where Kanao was staying, the one who took her in, two women approached the orphanage and picked Kanao among the children and adopted her as their sister. There was no further information about her nor the sisters who plucked her out in the orphanage. The report stops there when I sent out an investigation about her.”

There was a long pregnant pause. So Tsuyuri already suffered much in her childhood. Kirei can’t help but thought about it what kind of misery she experienced but he immediately shook it away. “About the day she confessed about the organization… am I allowed to hear it?” he asked, slowly and careful.

“You can, Kirei,” said his master smilingly, “You are obligated to hear about it. You’re asking these questions because of the responsibility I gave to you, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Kirei replied, “I wish to know more.”

“Understood,” his master nodded, “And I trust your word for it.”

Trust… Kirei thought coldly, but he closed his eyes and bowed gratefully to Tohsaka Tokiomi, “Thank you, master.”

And then his master told him the ‘interview’ with Tsuyuri Kanao. The content of it was already within Kirei’s expectation, that they were others like her and she was a ‘Candidate’ among the trainees; the Breathing Technique, and its multiple and variety forms; and the alleged creatures of night they were supposed to be fighting against. The only creature that the ‘creature of night’ Kirei can only thought of was Dead Apostle, or something in line to it.

The content of her ‘interview’ was comically scarce for a confession, and Kirei suspected that this was the reason why he—and his master—had constantly extract information from her. And also… “She never mentioned why the organization suddenly disappeared?” he asked.

“Not a single mention to it, no, not at all. This is one of the reason why the Association was doubtful of her words. When asked about it, she had no idea, she said. But they didn’t pry further from that since they had… other priorities.”

“Priorities?”

“They’d rather focus on her than to a nonexistent organization that wasn’t recorded in history at all.”

“Oh,” said Kirei. That make sense. “Because she’s a Mana Eater.”

Tohsaka Tokiomi nodded solemnly. “And precisely why she was given Sealing Designation,” he added.

They both fell into a thoughtful silence. And then his master suddenly asked, “What do you think of her, Kirei? What was your impression before and your impression of her now?”

Instead of voicing his confusion why he asked of that, Kirei replied, “Strikingly… normal.”

“Strikingly.” His master agreed, “She’s quite unusual, isn’t she? And her young appearance is quite misleading, too. She looked like a teenager and seemed to barely age passed that.”

“Master?”

His master smiled halfheartedly. “Did you know that Tsuyuri Kanao was already twenty years old? But others saw she was younger than that and thought she was still fifteen. Looks can be deceiving, isn’t it?”

“…what about you, master?” Kirei asked, ignoring the sudden comment about Tsuyuri’s age, “What was your impression of her, before and now?”

“Useful,” his master admitted, “and until now, still useful. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t attached to her other than her usefulness. As a person, I wish for her happiness. As a servant, I am grateful of her diligence. And as for my responsibility…” he trailed off with a stiff smile, “I hoped she hadn’t approached this mansion at all. A better lifestyle suited her more.”

“I see.” Kirei simply said, not knowing what to say anymore.

“And also,” Tohsaka Tokiomi continued, “if you wish to have a better relationship with her, Kirei,” the green eyes of his master looked pointedly, glowing brilliant as if to glare at him, “I advise to talk about yourself other than the mundane things you’d talked to her before.”

Kirei observed his master quietly. He gave me a hint. He stood up and bowed to him. “Thank you, master, and I apologize to have wasted your time,” he said respectfully.

“Nothing was wasted, Kirei. And you’re welcome.”

* * *

As always, it was the usual dream. Different cliffs as if different worlds existing under the same sky, facing each other, looking and staring and gaping at one another. Kirei was starting to get confused why this was always his dreams. Especially, as he noticed, he would dream this dream whenever Tsuyuri Kanao would go to her scheduled ‘trips’.

Strange. How very strange. And very curious, too, he’d admit.

Different variety of colors and kinds was the flowers surrounding Tsuyuri Kanao, swaying on the directionless breeze at her own cliff, full of light and full of life. His was always the same, unchanging and unyielding, with strong winds rustling yet never messing his hair disorderly in every direction. A wind so strong that it could’ve already blown him away, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. Kirei stayed rooted in his usual spot, at the edge of the cliff, looking and staring and gaping at the cliff in front of him.

Dark, dull eyes was pointed to her cliff, with a lack of emotion painting his face, without showing what was going in his head. But Kirei thought otherwise. His stiff expression; it wasn’t enough to express his own confusion, and to add, his curiosity. Why are you still here? he told apparition of Tsuyuri Kanao. Why do you continue to haunt my dreams? Are you even Tsuyuri Kanao?

She blinked, and she replied without moving her lips, why ask me when this is your dream? You know yourself more than anyone else — didn’t you say that yourself? Don’t ask me, ask yourself.

I… Kirei already asked himself many times, but there wasn’t a conclusion. There was no answer.

Ask your rotten heart, the apparition told him, as if knowing his thoughts, ask your sinful, wicked heart. Ask your battle-hardened instincts. Ask your tortured, disciplined body. Ask your experienced, skillful perception. Ask everything within you if your mind fails you. In that, the answer; your desire, your curiosity, your confusion, the thing you are searching for, might come into a realization. Seek relentlessly and single-mindedly for a reason, Kotomine Kirei.

Kirei woke up unpleasantly. It was distasteful conclusion of a dream, but he knew he’d soon forget the dream the moment he prepares himself for the day. And the next moment, he did exactly that. Bathing, brushing, shaving, he expected the distant dream would be laid forgotten.

But it didn’t. As he made it outside with the cold air of dawn greeting him, words from that dream stubbornly clung him, as if wedged into his mind like a gum. Kirei jogged at the deserted road to clear his head.

While he ran, thoughts also ran his mind. Seek relentlessly and single-minded for a reason, he recalled the words of the apparition whom he knew was from Tsuyuri Kanao. But, as he tried remember clearly, her appearance was fogged and obscured. He doesn’t even knew if that apparition has the same black hair and striking eyes, befitting for Tsuyuri Kanao. Ask everything within you if your mind fails you, it told him, implying that he searched not reason, but rather the unexpected and bizarre logic. But Kotomine Kirei doesn’t run on absurdity, he drives on the grounded reality; rational and logical sense.

Ask your experienced, skillful perception. If Kirei asked that, he would say that she was strikingly normal with a disposition of a humble and loyal servant to the Tohsaka household. Other than that, if he had to judge her physical abilities, she’s above average for a normal human being. Tsuyuri Kanao was continually getting stronger every month, Kirei knew, especially when she comes back from her ‘trip’. The result of her training as the promised Enforcer was too obvious. And the shrewd look on her eyes was also getting more perceptive. Sharpness and cautiousness had painted her movements since then.

But he found no reason why she would plague his dreams with that. But she would be a strong hound for the Mage’s Association. Kirei was sure of that.

Ask your tortured, disciplined body. If Kirei asked that, he would say that she was untrained and frail. But that was before she was offered to become an Enforcer, before the Association started training her to become one, or, a possibility, as their own hound.

But he found no reason why she would haunt his dreams with her physical abilities. But she would be a dangerous Enforcer if she accepts the offer, Kirei thought.

Ask your battle-hardened instincts. If Kirei asked that, he would say… that she was a potential threat. As Tohsaka Tokiomi’s apprentice, that’s what he thought of her. If ever Tsuyuri’s allegiance changed to Mage’s Assocation; with her potential as Master of the upcoming Holy Grail War, they would be enemies. But fortunately, for now, her Command Seals haven’t emerge yet. But even still, he can’t ignore the threat that was right beside them.

But, despite that, he found no reason why she would be in his dreams. Threat or not, Tsuyuri wouldn’t be able to haunt him in a form of a dream.

Ask your rotten heart. Ask your sinful, wicked heart.

Kirei stopped in his tracks. Facing the familiar gate, and the mansion beyond it, he closed his eyes as if in a prayer. If I asked that, I… He let himself go loose, just this once, only for this time. I would say I wanted her to suffer more than anything. He opened his eyes. And if there’s a possibility, I want to do it by my own hands. And he opened the gate, creaking and scraping.

After that, the words from that dream disappeared like a fog in the past, along with his rotten and sinful and wicked thoughts as he closed the gate.

* * *

Two months went by uneventfully. There was nothing notable worth mentioning what had happened in those months. It was the same routine for Kirei, learning magecraft and preparing for the upcoming Holy Grail War. With the usual schedule every day, he was getting numb to it, indifferent and almost apathetic of his own actions.

Whenever he took breaks, he no longer went to the window close to the kitchens, instead, he would be sitting on the bench under the shade of nearby tree in the garden, mediating. And at times, warming up as he tried to recollect the basic forms of Bajiquan, as he would be teaching Tsuyuri of it soon.

“What are you doing here?” Tohsaka Rin had asked him one day during his warm-up, looking at him cautiously with her green eyes, the same shade as her father’s. A mature young girl despite still at the age of six, and will be turning seven soon.

“Warming up under the shade of tree in the garden.” Kirei had told her matter-of-factly.

“I know that,” said Rin irritably, “I’m asking why you are here.”

“…warming up under the shade of tree in the garden.”

“I know tha—“Rin stopped herself. “Fine. It’s obvious that you are warming up under the shade of tree in the garden anyway,” she begrudgingly agreed.

“Then why ask me what am I doing here?” Kirei asked teasingly, despite his indifferent tone.

She crossed her arms. “Because you shouldn’t be here.”

“Why, if I may ask?” he asked.

Rin glared at him. “This is Kanao’s territory. You shouldn’t be here. You’re not allowed here,” she told him, scowling. That response made Kirei raise an eyebrow.

“Why, if I may ask?”

“Didn’t I just said that?” There was incredulousness in her eyes despite her attempt to hide it. “You shouldn’t be here. You can warm-up anywhere but here.”

“This is a garden, Rin, anyone can come here,” said Kirei, “Who can appreciate a beautiful garden, nurtured by an expert hand and a gifted green thumb I’m sure of it, and no one can come here besides Tsuyuri Kanao?”

“That’s the point,” pointed Rin, “You could mess the garden.”

“And you won’t?”

“That’s different,” she snapped, “I know her longer than you are.”

“Are you jealous, Rin?” Kirei asked, observing the young girl.

If looks could kill, Kirei might’ve been evaporated at the spot. Unfortunately, Tohsaka Rin possessed no such Mystic Eyes. “I hate this,” muttered Rin, though, it seemed to aim more at herself than him. “I really hate this,” she walked around him and sat on the bench. “Idiot, idiot, idiot,” Rin told herself.

“Were you forced to approach me against your will?” Kirei sat beside her. Rin glared at him, and shifted away from him at the edge of the bench.

“Not really,” she muttered. “I came here by myself. Father said I should be friends with you since you’re my senior apprentice.”

No wonder she doesn’t like me. She wanted to be her Father’s one and only apprentice. “Then I look forward to be friends with you, Rin,” he said politely.

She sighed dejectedly. “I don’t want to, though. But Father said if ever there was a time, perhaps I might be your apprentice instead of Father…” She looked at him in contempt.

Kirei knew what she meant. “You knew the nature of the event that will take place here in Fuyuki?”

“Only a gist of it,” she replied, “I know it will be some sort of battle, that there will be few survivors.”

“It is a fighting tournament,” he agreed, “but it’s not a public event. Most of the battle will place during night.”

A stiff silence settled between them. “Kirei, since you are my Father’s apprentice, can I ask you something?” Rin asked, breaking the silence.

“What is it?”

“Can you keep Father safe? Can you make sure that Father survives until the end?”

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep that,” he told her bluntly, “but I assure you, your Father has created a strategy that will make sure he will emerge victorious in this event.”

Rin looked at him through narrowed eyes. “I really can’t bring myself to like you,” she said, “even Kanao would agree at me.”

“She would?” Kirei perked up in her name. The young girl noticed this and furrowed her brows.

“That’s right. She said I should be cautious around you.”

“Cautious…” Tsuyuri had always been wary at me? “Why would she think that?” he asked.

“To be honest, I don’t know, she just told me that. When I asked why, she said…” Rin peered at him, without any glares nor contempt. “She said… you… you…” She looked as though she tried to search for an appropriate word. “I don’t know what she really mean when she said you’re like ‘a walking empty bottle only half-filled’, but one thing I know for sure is that she doesn’t understand you at all.” Her glared returned. “And she’s scared of you.”

Kirei fell into a thoughtful silence at that, and Rin left him wordlessly as if she had talked enough. “Rin,” he called out when she was halfway through the door. “Thank you,” he said, and left the garden after her.

Perhaps that was only worth mentioning what happened in those two months.

When Tsuyuri Kanao arrived, Kirei didn’t expect she wasn’t be alone in her journey. Walking beside her, with the familiar vestments he was so used to see, his father, Kotomine Risei, was talking pleasantly to her as if they were old friends.

“Ah, Kirei.” His father greeted him before he could. Kirei was waiting for her arrival and was prepared to receive her at the gates, but it seemed like he would be receiving his own father too. “It is good to see you. Did you make a good apprentice to Tokiomi and exceeded his expectations just like you’d did to me?” In his father’s perspective, Kotomine Kirei, his own son, was God-sent gift by heavens above. He couldn’t have asked better than his own son to be a prodigious one. It was a better reward for Kotomine Risei than anything materialistic he had received before. He was proud on him, and Kirei in return, returned the favor by satisfying his father’s expectations.

Earnest, sincere and fulfilled. That’s the kind of man, a kind of father whom Kirei respected standing in front of him, and yet…

“I suppose the mission the Church gave to you was already done?” He asked his father. When Tohsaka Tokiomi suggested that his father should see the yet-emerging Command Seals on Tsuyuri’s hand, he was told by his father, as Kirei had called him, that it might take a while for him to go back in Japan since his responsibility in the Church still kept him occupied. Kirei didn’t receive a news about his father returning, or unless…

“I heard Tokiomi surprised his family arriving unannounced as a surprise, why not do the same to my own son?” Kotomine Risei said heartily, answering Kirei’s suspicions that his father did follow his master’s example for a ‘surprise’. “And about the thing you and Tokiomi asked me, don’t worry, I’ve already checked it.” His father turned his head beside him. “Tsuyuri is a potential candidate for a master, and I approve of Tokiomi’s plan for her inclusion, that is if only,” he added, “once her Command Seals will fully make its appearance.”

Tsuyuri seemed to think otherwise when Kirei followed his father’s gaze. She looked incredibly uncomfortable and hesitant. Kirei approached her. “I’ll carry your luggage,” he offered, his hands outstretched to her. Tsuyuri shot him an apprehensive look before she turned over her luggage to him. She left him and his father wordlessly, and entered the mansion by herself, possibly reporting to Tohsaka Tokiomi.

”Quite a deceiving look, that one,” his father remarked, as they slowly begun their approach to the mansion, “I thought at first she was still a young girl, but I was a bit surprised she was already passed that.”

“As my master had told me.” Kirei nodded, remembering Tohsaka Tokiomi’s sudden words about her age. “She was already a woman despite her appearance.”

“That may be so but I think her maturity hasn’t reached adulthood yet.” His father pointed a shrewd and solemn look at the mansion. “She’s still naïve and innocent, and she reminds me of a child that would listen intently to an adult wanting to know what is right, wanting to know what she should do.” His father smiled sadly. “Well, as I’ve heard, she was raised in an unknown organization who taught her how to be a fighter, not a survivor. It must have discolored her way of life as she is now.”

A certain surge clawed Kirei’s heart. Envy, he recognized, and he immediately knew why he felt that emotion grazed him. His father, as Kirei was raised and taught by him, surmised what was troubling Tsuyuri Kanao internally, and yet, to his own son, he saw a perfect and good son who possessed exceptional ability… but nothing of his flaws. A discolored and tinted perception. It wasn’t just Tsuyuri Kanao who possessed it, his own father had it too although unknowingly.

“Well, enough talks about her.” His father grasped his shoulder firmly yet comfortingly. “Since it’s been a while last I saw you, how about we talk to each other by ourselves?”

“We will.” Though, Kirei knew it wasn’t about themselves they would talking about, but rather their respective responsibilities.

When they entered, Rin, who was in the hallway, looked as though she was about to glare at him, but instantly straightened when she saw who was behind him.

“Father Kotomine.” Tohsaka Aoi greeted with a smile, as she followed her daughter’s example: surprised and a bit baffled.

“Please, call me Risei if you can,” his father suggested, “We are not in the house of God after all.”

“I will.” The mother bowed in inclination.

“Risei-san.” Rin eventually greeted after her mother did, as she also bowed in respect.

His father simply smiled at them. “Raise your heads. Like I said, we are not in the house of God, and besides, this is your own house,” he told them.

Tohsaka Aoi flustered a bit. “Of course… Um, uh… Rin, how about we go to the garden?” she asked hastily to her daughter.

“Okay.” Rin nodded, not before she shot a hidden glare at Kirei when his father looked away from them.

“Let’s go.” Her mother gently pushed her to the door, and in a second, they already left to the garden.

“Seems like I scared them away,” his father remarked ruefully and sat when they arrived at the living room, “Quite a Father I am.”

Kirei followed his father wordlessly and sat in the sofa across his father.

“Well now, let’s talk,” said Risei, “It appears that you managed to scare Tsuyuri Kanao with your presence.” A servant approached and offered him a cup of tea. “Thank you.” He nodded and the servant poured him one.

“…yes, it seemed so.” Kirei agreed, and he raised a hand to the servant, “I’m fine.” The servant left them in the living room.

His father raised an eyebrow. “You do? You’re aware of it?” he asked.

“Just recently,” Kirei admitted. “Someone told me.”

“It’s Rin, isn’t it?” said his father as he sipped his tea.

“Yes.” It was no use to hide now, Kirei knew.

“Well,” Risei put down his cup at the table. “You must be wondering why Tsuyuri was scared of you.”

Partially. “Not really,” Kirei replied.

“To put it simply, I guess, in her words, you are a walking empty bottle only half-filled.” Kirei raised his eyebrows, and his father noticed it as he continued, “Ah, so that’s what Rin told you? Then, that makes thing easy. Let ask you something, Kirei, were you rude to Tsuyuri in any ways?”

“…at some point, once.” Kirei confessed, as he remembered when he told her that he knew about her circumstances.

“Only once? That’s… hmm… I wonder. But let me tell you though, as your father, never do that again.”

“Understood.” Kirei said flatly.

Kotomine Risei leaned back at the sofa with a thoughtful look, basking in silence. “Even though, Tokiomi told you why you are chosen by the Holy Grail as Master,” his father started, “even though, I accepted his words, but as a father; if you are chosen by the Holy Grail, why my own son? Is there something you wish to be granted, Kirei? Something that you will need a miracle?” he asked.

So Father was dubious of Tohsaka Tokiomi’s words. “Was it strange to say that there is nothing on my mind?”

“It is,” agreed Risei, “and to be chosen as early as three years before the Holy Grail War even started.”

Kirei stayed silent.

“If I take Tsuyuri’s words for granted,” continued his father, “that you are half-satisfied of your accomplishments… you are longing something that even I or the Church that can’t fulfill you no matter what we do.”

There. It took the words of another person to make his father see him. He was right — no, Tsuyuri Kanao was right. With that eyes of hers, seemingly piercing through his soul, she saw what kind of person Kirei was. No matter what he does, what deeds he made, what actions he created, it brought nothing that was synonymous to the definition of happiness. But… Kirei brought his hands to his chest, but his heart knew one. One that will bring him happiness, one that will make him delight. His rotten and sinful and wicked heart knew what direction he should follow, and yet…

Kotomine Kirei saw it was wrong to walk in that direction. He felt that if he did, there was no turning back.

“Don’t tell me, Kirei,” his father gasped suddenly, “you wanted to revive Claudia from the dead?”

Kirei stiffened. “No,” he whispered. It was a misunderstanding, his father misread his actions when he grasped his chest, and now his heart was throbbing heavily inside him. The mention of his wife brought back the unpleasant memories about her. Claudia’s pale skin and her thin, almost-skeletal body, and most of all, her smile — her brilliant yet sickly smile laden with pure and raw suffering.

No… Kirei remembered his intention as he bid farewell to Claudia. A person like him shouldn’t exist, those words were his purpose, willing to throw away himself for the greater good. He was prepared, and was resigned to his own fate that day, until Claudia…

“Kirei?” He can vaguely hear his father calling out. “Kirei, I’m sorry for mentioning… her. I thought… Ah, Tsuyuri is here and seems like Tokiomi wants to see my presence…” There was a pause. “I’m sorry, Kirei. I thought that line of reason made sense.” And the door closed softly.

It took him a while to realize that he had leaned forward, his eyes directed to the floor with his hands tightly clasping and his elbow plopped to his knees. Kirei exhaled, slowly releasing the knot in his throat. Ecclesiastes 3:19. He recited inwardly. Man’s fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; a man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless.

A gentle touch on his cheek startled him out of his prayer. Instantly, driven by instinct, he caught the hand that touched his face, gripping it tightly, before he realized whom the hand was. Kirei lifted his head, as he felt her thumb brushed away the tears that was about to fall from his eyes.

Tsuyuri Kanao smiled halfheartedly at him. She opened her mouth, but she closed it in the next second, and twisted her hand (the hand he was caught) and now she was gripping his hand. With a firm hold, she pulled him to his feet and dragged him to the familiar scenery of colorful and bright flowers. “For Kirei-san to calm himself,” she said, and pointed at the bench under the shade of tree. “He can sit there.”

“Thank you,” said Kirei, a bit astonished and confused she had brought him here. Tsuyuri smiled.

You’re welcome, she gestured in sign language, and she left, leaving him to wonder why she had used sign language to him suddenly.

* * *

It took a few days for them to meet again. His master, Tohsaka Tokiomi and his father, Kotomine Risei, kept her occupied, which Kirei suspected was about the matters of the Holy Grail War. Just like what they did to him, they’d interviewed her of her decision and filled her in about the nature of the War, and perhaps, Tohsaka Tokiomi would tell her about his objective as a mage to reach the Root.

And as for him… all he could do was wait and hope… though, Kirei doesn’t know what he hoped for, but he thought, at least, he should hope. But for what? he asked himself.

They’ve coincidentally met at the hallway. The moment they saw each other, they’d approached one another and… “About the thing that…” they both trailed off, realizing that they both spoke at the same time. Kirei gestured her to go first. Tsuyuri obliged.

“About the thing that I would teach Kirei-san,” she started, “Can it happen tonight?”

“What time of the night?” Kirei asked.

“When everyone cleared out in the mansion… no, I think when Kotomine Kirei is done with his studies of the day. Can he manage that?”

“I can.” She’s awfully considerate, despite her way of speaking, he thought. “I was about to say the same thing to you, but I guess, you beat me to it.”

She frowned. You’re the one who told me to speak first, she signed. Kirei raised an eyebrow at the sudden use of sign language again but he didn’t point it out.

“I guess,” he said mildly, “see you tonight.”

Tsuyuri was already waiting for him at the gate when night came, and Kirei remembered suddenly that she was under certain strict restrictions by Mage’s Association with Tohsaka Tokiomi as her ‘guardian’.

“I’ve already got permission to walk around Fuyuri by your master,” Tsuyuri told him as if she saw through his thoughts, “as long as I don’t walk outside the city, I won’t be… persecuted. I don’t just linger the garden. I’m not a shut-in freeloader either.”

“You can walk?” asked Kirei.

“I am. I mean, I got…” she raised her leg, wiggling it.

His lips twitched. “Quite a stupid question, isn’t it?”

“In a different perspective, sort of.” She paused with a thoughtful look. “Wait, that was familiar…”

Kirei knew. He deliberately did that. “Shall we?” he asked suggestively. She nodded and followed after him.

The night was cold and wintry. Bits of snow still stayed despite already in the cusp of arrival of summer season. People lurking in this time of night, as dark clouds covered the vast stars in the sky, was almost devoid. It was the public places, Kirei saw, and some dark places people are dwelling about despite almost in the high point of night, edging dawn.

It was, until the bridge, when they were people no longer around them, and Tsuyuri stopped beside him.

“Is this where—“Kirei stopped his question when, in his periphery vision, an incoming blow was about to hit him in the head. He reacted instantly and misdirected the punch above his head and retaliated with an elbow thrust to the attacker’s ribs. But instead of the crunching noise, Kirei felt something blocking his thrust. He glanced down and saw a forearm blocking it before raising his eyes to meet the lilac-purple eyes.

Tsuyuri Kanao looked at him searchingly. “I see,” she said simply, and felt his elbow being gripped by her hand. He glanced down again but she took advantage of his distracted attention and pulled back her fist that was above his head, folded her arm, and aimed an elbow thrust in the side of his head.

However, Kirei’s distracted attention was deliberately done by him. Before she realized; in a split second, her blow to the head was blocked, her arm gripped, thrown off balance as she felt him kick her in the back of the shin and was flipped over to the cemented floor. Tsuyuri wasn’t able to recover her breath when he forced his arm to her neck as he forced his weight on her. It took a minute later that he felt her slapping his arm frantically and released her and sat beside her. “Was that your idea of teaching me?” he asked curiously.

Tsuyuri stayed in a lying position in the pavement, and Kirei saw she already recovered her breathing in split second. “The Breathing Technique also meant managing your breathing under pressure evenly.” She pointed her gaze at him. “You don’t need it, Kotomine Kirei. You already practiced it before.”

“If you meant mediating breathing in martial arts, I am,” he agreed easily, feeling that there’s no point hiding anymore, “But it was meant for calming the nerves, not excite the blood within the body to force yourself to have adrenaline.”

“Total Concentration Breathing Technique,” she answered nonchalantly, “A state of calmness despite the adrenaline running in our nerves.”

“You didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“You’re also breathing in the mana in the air.”

She had a contemplative look. “I see… that’s why they called me Mana Eater…” muttered Tsuyuri.

“So you don’t actually know you were doing it the whole time?” asked Kirei.

“No,” she admitted.

“That’s…” a shame? he wanted to say but he wasn’t particularly interested in it, although…

“You’re not interested.” Tsuyuri Kanao’s eyes pierced through him. “It was a bait to make me talk, isn’t it?” 

It occurred to him she doesn’t talk in strange and formal manner anymore. He can no longer feel the detachment in her words.

“I remember. Tohsaka Tokiomi gave you a responsibility of extracting information from me, right? That day.” Tsuyuri continued before he could reply as she glanced to the side thoughtfully. “Just like everyone else.”

“Master did?” This was the first time Kirei heard about it.

“As his apprentice, you noticed something from him, right? Just like looking at yourself in the mirror, you don’t notice the cracks unless you look closely to it. Your master is the type of person. A person who overlooked smaller things once he looked after in the grand scale of things. An exceptional average person who exercise what he’s good at and sometimes put things aside when it wasn’t within his ability.”

“And you’ve noticed the smaller cracks,” said Kirei.

“I see what I can see, and seeing smaller things… can’t escape my sight.” Striking lilac-purple eyes looked thoughtful at him. “I was upset when you blatantly told me that Tohsaka Tokiomi also gave you that responsibility. But I don’t dislike it. I realized that later. It occurred to me that… surrounding myself in half-lies… I ended longing for a slight tinge of honesty.” She released a shaky breath. “Thank you, Kotomine Kirei, for telling me that night. Even though I was still caged, and I still don’t trust you, you recovered my sense of self.”

“You’re welcome.” The words came out automatically. Kirei stood up and offered a hand to her. She accepted it and stood up. They ended up facing each other, looking and staring and gaping.

“Even though you said you wanted to learn about the breathing technique, “she said suddenly, “and it was notion you weren’t interested in but you still wanted information from me, right?”

“I do,” he replied, “since it’s my responsibility to do.”

“Then rejoice, Kotomine Kirei, I will tell you the answers if you have questions. I’m tired of the charades I’ve had put up in the past.” She tightly gripped his hand as they are still joined together throughout their conversation.

“I will… rejoice.”

Tsuyuri suddenly smiled. “Information is not free either. Remember what you’ve promised me if I teach you the Breathing Technique?”

Kirei did. “In exchange for the information, I’ll teach you the Chinese martial arts, Bajiquan.”

She nodded approvingly and they shook their hands in agreement.

* * *

Kirei taught her the basics, and she learned it quite quickly and efficiently. He wasn’t surprised. With that eyes of hers, it was easy to observe and perceive and applied it to herself capably. Though, she claimed she wanted to practice more of the basics, telling him that repetitive actions will discipline her mind and body, Kirei allowed themselves to constantly spar together.

“I think familiarizing is better than memorizing.” Tsuyuri had reasoned, and he agreed.

And after a few days of teaching and sharing of information together, she’d gone to her ‘trip’. Two months of another training (which he and his master only suspected) with the Mage’s Association as a potential Enforcer. It’s quite a busy life for Tsuyuri Kanao, and she doesn’t seemed to get tired of everything that people had thrown in her way/platter and pointed at her to do/eat it well.

“There was no reason to defy them anyway.” Tsuyuri had told him.

The dream came to him as expected. But this time, it was different. Instead of two cliffs with an abyss between them, they’d finally connected together despite the dissimilarities to each other. Colorful and dull, they’d joined together in discordant harmony in the same world of his dream, and now it was large and vast place, not a single cliff in vicinity. But... Kirei thought as he swept his gaze around him, there was no one beside him, not even Tsuyuri Kanao. Even though there was no longer an abyss that was tempting him, seducing him, and inviting him to jump below, the spacious blue sky above seemed to look down at him, laughing, and mocking at him in a pleasant mirth.

Kirei doesn’t like that.

And one thing he remembered from the dream was that he realized he was holding something in his hand. It was a single lone, frail flower. It still haven’t registered to his mind what kind of flower it was but he remembered its color, a vivid color that he was so used to see in his whole life.

Blood-red. In his hand was an imaginary blood-red flower. And strangely, he found himself drawn to it.

Too bad he won’t be able to give this flower to her. These was his last thoughts before he woke up from the desolated dream.

“Good job in your work, Kirei,” said his master as Kirei told him about the progression of his… information extraction from Tsuyuri Kanao, “As for the Mana Eaters of that organization… the Association would be thoroughly disappointment if there are only few of them, if we trust Kanao’s words.”

Tsuyuri told him about the possible Mana Eaters when he asked her about it. Four or five, she mentioned. But, she added, if they are talking about why she was chosen as ‘Candidate’, there’s a highest position within the organization that are given to the strongest fighters. ‘Pillars’, it was called, and just like her title says, she was a candidate to become one. There’s a possibility that there are Mana Eaters among the ‘Pillars’.

“So there was hierarchy within that organization…” mused his master, “they are well-organized than I thought, and seemed to be well-established too. If there are hierarchies, it might possible that this organization must be older than we expected.”

Kirei agreed. The things Tsuyuri told him was very detailed and thorough, and it implies that, not just Tsuyuri, there are some people out there are aware of the existence of this organization she was connected with. They chose to be tight-lipped about it, and perhaps, might be as well pretended it never existed to begin with.

If people from the organization heard about her loose-lips, people Kirei suspected might be hiding among the crowd, she would be viewed as a traitor. “That’s fine by me.” Tsuyuri said when he expressed that if he was person within the organization she was connected with, Kirei would view her as one. “If it ensures my survival, information will be my protection.” But despite that, he had a feeling that the information she told them was not the whole truth. After all, information was all she gave away, not identities of the people from the organization.

Is she feeding us false information? he wondered at some point, and, as if seeing through him, Tsuyuri smiled with her eyes looking keenly at him. Was it a lie that she said that she was done with the charades? But Kirei felt that she was telling the truth the whole time.

You’ve seen what you saw with your own eyes. Seeing is believing after all. Tsuyuri had hand signed to him as if, as usual, she saw through him.

“And the matter of the approaching Holy Grail War,” his master continued, “what do you think, Kirei? Do you think Kanao would participate as a Master?”

Kirei thought about it, and he remembered the smudges of Tsuyuri’s back hand. “I think… she won’t be participating as one, Master.”

“Your father and I thought so too,” his master agreed, “It’s been months since she had that mark on her hand and yet her Command Seals haven’t completely made its appearance. It’s impossible for the Holy Grail to make a mistake of choosing a participant, especially this early.”

A mistake… he thought as he remembered his father words, you are longing something that even I or the Church that can’t fulfill you no matter what we do. If his master are the truth, perhaps the Holy Grail was aware of something what he has been longing for…? If he can’t abide to follow his rotten, wicked, and sinful heart, then perhaps… the Holy Grail knew… and the reason why he had been chosen… “Then your plan to include her won’t be realized,” Kirei replied instead of dwelling further on his thoughts.

“Not really,” Tohsaka Tokiomi said nonchalantly, “At any case, it’s already impossible for her to be included. And besides, if Kanao doesn’t participate, that’s one threat down, especially that she was so close to me.”

Looks like his master didn’t overlooked her after all, Kirei was impressed, although a bit. “I’ll continue extracting information from Tsuyuri.” Even though, she was no longer being considered as a Master and she still had the smudges on the back of her hand (although Kirei did notice they were gradually fading), he still have his responsibility as his master’s apprentice.

“I’m counting on you. If possible, find out what is her wish to the Holy Grail.”

“Understood.”

* * *

The imaginary blood-red flower was still in his hand. Driven by something, he wheeled around and saw Tsuyuri Kanao standing behind him, a few meters away from him, the same distance when they still had their cliffs. But their cliffs is not there anymore, only a vast horizon with a dissonant colors of black and rainbow, and spacious blue sky above them that looked on them in the same usual mirth.

Kirei raised his hand where the blood-red flower was, as if offering it to her. Tsuyuri glanced at his hand, blinked, and then raised her own hand. She also carried the same flower, frail and small, resting limply on her palm.

Why do we have this? The question spilled out from his mouth before he realized.

The inevitable fate in every living being, she told him, you knew what this flower is.

Death. Kirei knew the red spider lily flower on his hand and hers, and what it symbolizes.

Yes. Death. Tsuyuri look-alike in his dream nodded. See the flower on her hand? See how withered it looks?

It was. The red spider lily’s petal was quietly falling on the grass. But when he took a closer look, her feet was full of its petal, scattering around her like a mud full of blood.

You already knew, she said as she smiled.

Knew what?

Why her Command Seals won’t completely appear.

In a single blink, the flower she had in her hand was no longer there. Instead, her palm was now facing down, as she showed the back of her hand to him, revealing an elaborated markings on it that suspiciously looked like a tangled spider lily flower.

She won’t bear the markings that would incite her death, she pointed out — no, she reminded since Kirei already knew what her wish was the whole time.

I see. He nodded. I see.

Tsuyuri smiled. The blood-red flower returned on her hand and then tightly clenched it as she crushed the flower. When she opened her palm, a burst of multicolored butterflies flew, almost covering her from his view. They fluttered and scattered around him, and after a while, he saw she was no longer standing in her position.

Kirei caught one of the butterflies with his own hand. What rested on his palm was not a disfigured and dead butterfly, it was a single petal of lotus flower, glowing and alive.

* * *

Kirei silently watched Tsuyuri across the table. She had returned from her ‘trip’, and as usual reported to Tohsaka Tokiomi as soon as she arrived. He hadn’t dared to interrupt them, and took a seat to a chair that was close to the windows, the familiar setting of their conversation before. He had a feeling that the way Tsuyuri greeted him with a chime-like voice with ‘good morning’ to him earlier as she sat across him had happened before since he experienced a déjà vu as they faced each other.

“You’re early,” said Tsuyuri, breaking the silence, “Is it a dream again?”

Another déjà vu invaded him. “Yes.” He nodded. “I had… a strange dream.”

“I see…” The rising sun illuminated half of her face, but her eyes glowed in the familiar color of purplish-red and pink. “Is it rude of me to ask what kind of dream it was?” she asked calmly.

“No, it won’t be rude of you,” he assured, “since you’ve politely asked.” And Kirei began his story about the he had, the blood-red flower, the vast horizon, and the spacious light-blue sky above him. And also… “You were there in my dream,” he admitted, “we’ve talked there.”

Tsuyuri wore an odd look. “Strange…” she murmured, “what did I talk there?”

“We had talked about the flower in our hands, a red spider lily flower, and—“

Kirei wasn’t able to finish his sentence when Tsuyuri raised her hand towards him, which he immediately registered was the same hand where the still-haven’t-emerged Command Seals was engraved and also the same hand where she held the flower in his dream. Her palm silently glowed, and in a flash, what rested on her hand was a…

“Gradation Air.” Kirei knew the magecraft she just did in front of him. “And you knew about my dream?” But what rested her hand was not a blood-red spider lily, but rather a transparent light-pink lotus flower.

“Gradation Air, also known as Projection… although, my Projection is imperfect, since I can only gather and distort the air on my hand to create an imitation of this flower,” she said, “It’s not like I knew… I had the same dream.” The lotus flower on her palm burst into invisible particles, and then she turned over hand, showing unblemished and fair skin on the back of her hand. “And I saw what kind of Command Seal would appear there. But when I woke up, it’s no longer there.”

Without thinking, Kirei grasped her hand, and caressed the untarnished and smudge-free hand with his thumb.

“I already told your master about the lack of markings on my hand.” She smiled in relief. “Looks like I won’t be participating the death tournament.”

Kirei continued to look down at her hand, staring solemnly to it.

“…you’re disappointed.” She pointed out, and he raised his head. “Were you hoping that I would…?” she trailed off, watching him expectantly for an answer. Kirei let go of her hand, and turned his head to the window and saw his reflection… looking at back at him in discontentment.

“Perhaps, I am,” he admitted, “But why would I…?”

She blinked and tilted her head as if watching him in different angle of his face. “You seem to know the answer though. Behind that disappointment, you have a knowing look,” she said, observing him with her striking eyes.

“I am…?” Kirei raised his hand to his face questionably. She nodded.

“That’s what I see. But who knows? Maybe I was wrong. You know yourself better than anyone else,” said Tsuyuri.

Kirei didn’t reply, and silence settled between them. “Kirei-san,” Tsuyuri broke it, “when you…” She shook her head. “No, never mind.” She stood up and bowed to him. “Thank you, Kirei-san. And I hope I didn’t wasting your time.”

“No, it’s nothing,” He stood after her and bowed to her in return. “I’ll be in your care, Tsuyuri-san.”

“Kanao,” she suggested, “If possible, call me without honorifics.”

“Kanao.” Saying her name felt strangely intimately, thought Kirei.

She smiled and bowed again in courtesy before she left. Kirei watched her small back as she walked to the direction to the garden, and then he approached the window and saw her watering the plants.

How fitting, Kirei found himself thinking, how fitting of her to be surrounded with flowers. He raised his eyes and saw his reflection looking back in indifference. Just like in my dreams. Kirei lifted his hand, looking at his Command Seals that was engraved on it like a second skin.

She’s right, he thought as he closed his hand to a fist. He was disappointed. Thoroughly disappointed that he can’t watch her wallow in despair.

“…good morning, Kirei,” a reluctant voice greeted him.

“Good morning. Preparing for school, I presume?” he greeted in return, turning his head as he saw Tohsaka Rin peeking at the corner, already wearing her school uniform.

She glared. “That’s none of your business,” she retorted as she walked towards him and sat on the chair where Kanao used to sit. “I just noticed Kanao arrived earlier, and I was about to greet her but then…” she peered at him pointedly.

“My apologies,” he apologized, “that wasn’t my intention,” he replied truthfully, although he did already sense her earlier in the middle of the conversation between him and Tsu — no, Kanao.

Rin crossed her arms. “Why are you interested in Kanao?” she asked bluntly.

His eyebrows rose. “I wished to be friends with her. Just like your father asked you to be friends with me.” 

“Are you sure about that?”

“I am.”

“Are you really, really sure about that?” she repeated dubiously.

“I do,” he replied.

The little girl pursed her lips tightly, and then she sighed. “Fine. If you say so,” she paused, looking to the side thoughtfully, “But… is being friends with her what Father asked you?” she murmured.

“Yes, it is,” he affirmed, “Talking and having a conversation with her is what your Father asked of me.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

She sighed once again. “Father did…? I see. Looks like Father asked you to do that too.”

Kirei looked at her inquiringly.

“Isn’t that obvious?” she replied when she saw his look, “extracting information.”

Just like everyone else, Kanao’s words echoed in his mind. “I see. That included you.”

“Especially me,” she said despairingly before she changed the subject, “anyway, are you sure that you really wanted to be friends with her?”

“I already told you the answer, aren’t I?”

“Say it again.”

“…yes, I am.”

“Then do a better job, Kirei,” she said, strangely solemn, “Be a good friend to her.”

“Why, if I may ask?”

Her eyebrow twitched. “Are you blind?!” Rin made a gasp when she realized she just raised her own voice. She continued in hushed tone, “Can’t you see? To her, you are already friends. When you still haven’t arrived here in this house along with my Father, me and Sak—“she stopped herself. “I’m the only friend she got here. That’s why I’m asking you to be a good friend with her.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be—“

“Ah, geez!” Rin snapped. “I don’t care! You will do it no matter what it takes! Is it so hard to be friends with her? To be a good friend with her? If a little girl like me can do it, then you can, you big idiot!” She stuck her tongue to him before she jumped away from the chair. She wheeled around before she turned to the corner and pointed angrily at him, “If you can’t still do it from the little girl you frequently tease, then do it under your master’s daughter!” And she left him huffily.

Kirei was left on his own, a little bit stunned.

“Was that Rin I heard just now?” Tohsaka Aoi emerged a few moments later before she saw him. “Ah, was Rin being impolite to you again, Kotomine-san? I’m sorry for her behavior.”

“No worries, Madame.” Kirei was able to snap out of his astonishment thanks to her arrival. He smiled in assurance. “She was simply giving me an advice, that’s all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Kanao join the Holy Grail War? Hahahaha. No.
> 
> Man, for some reason, I don’t like this chapter. Oh well, I think this is good enough.
> 
> See you next month!


	4. third: the significance of meaninglessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm… I have a feeling this might turn into six-chaptered story instead of five.
> 
> I may or may not have been making some shit up and probably bullshitting some elements regarding some certain things in Nasuverse but I hope you’ll forgive me for that. Or beat me up, or yell at me I guess. And also, this chapter got lots of dialogues, in other words, info dump.
> 
> Expect some familiar faces from Demon Slayers/Kimetsu no Yaiba here in this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
> (Chapter unedited.)

**_third_** : _the significance of meaninglessness_

* * *

“Her examination has been halted?” Kirei said in surprise when his master told him what had Tsuyuri Kanao reported to him. After Rin gave him an ’advice’ to be a ‘good friend’ earlier, Kirei went to his master’s study as per his routine told him that, whenever Kanao was done with her report, he will go to his master’s side to hear what she had stated.

“Yes. I also received a letter from the Mage’s Association.” His master presented the letter to him. As Kirei began to read it, his master continued, “It doesn’t seem the case that they were done examination her, someone requested to halt it for the time being, which is quite strange.”

Kirei agreed when he finished reading the letter. “A Lord requested to stop her examination?” It was indeed strange.

“A Lord of Clock Tower did, as you have read the letter,” Tohsaka Tokiomi agreed, and took the letter from Kirei to re-read it. “It’s quite strange, why would a Lord requested it? Compassion? Sympathy? Pity?”

“Or perhaps, with an agenda regarding about her?” Kirei suggested.

“That is also possible.” His master stared at the letter quietly.

“This Lord, if I may ask,” Kirei asked after a moment of silence, “does this Lord that is stated in the letter who requested to halt her examination; is he a man of hidden intentions?”

“Every mage always have motive,” His master refuted, “especially in Clock Tower. Have I told you that it is common to have an internal fighting between mages?”

“You’ve told me, master, that it is common for master and apprentice to have an enmity between them. Isn’t that our plan when my Command Seals will allegedly appear months later and I will break my apprenticeship from you?”

His master smiled approvingly. “It is. Regarding our plan for you to leave me, I’ll tell you another time.” He returned his attention to the letter. “A man of hidden intentions, huh? I’m not quite sure if he is. From time to time, there are rare exceptions that, perhaps this man — this Lord of Clock Tower — who requested for halting her examination, was doing this for Kanao’s sake. She told me that she may have met this man before the sudden call to stop her examination.”

“She did?”

“She thought so. To be accurate, she met two men before the sudden call. Both of them never introduced themselves to her, they just simply talked with her. The first visitor, she’d told me, was a handsome young man. A bit unnerving man, she said, but she answered every question he had enquired from her.” And then Tohsaka Tokiomi paused.

“What kind of question did he ask?” Kirei asked eventually, when his master went silent for a long time with a contemplated look on his face.

“Her connection to the organization,” Tohsaka Tokiomi replied. “He asked the same questions that was asked to her before, and she replied the same answers to him. Though, I have a feeling that Kanao wasn’t exactly being truthful about it,” his master added skeptically.

“You mean their conversation between her and this man?” Kirei said.

“That’s right. And as for the other visitor…” his master’s word trailed off, and then he murmured silently, “It can’t be possibly him…”

“Who, master?” Kirei asked innocuously.

“No, that’s impossible. But then again…” Tohsaka Tokiomi stopped his murmurs and turn his attention to him, “No, never mind that. I might be wrong, or maybe otherwise, but nevertheless, this other visitor didn’t introduce himself like the man before him. Kanao described him to be an old man with strong presence. She said her conversation with him was… very casual at best, at least in the beginning. Kanao had a feeling that he was trying to ease her a bit with his presence, telling her that he was no threat. And she did, eventually, after an hour of conversation.

“And then Kanao told me that he suddenly asked her a strange question, ‘are you aware of your presence and how things would change if you and others continue to interfere with the matters that you shouldn’t have a hand on?’ as Kanao remembered the question that was directed to her, and she replied she had no idea what he was talking about. He immediately changed the subject about her eyes after that.”

“Was that man happen to talk about the organization and her connection to it…?” Kirei pondered.

“It’s possible,” his master replied. “And he talked as if he knew the intention of the organization.”

Both of them fell into a thoughtful silence.

“Is it possible that this man is the one who halted her examination…?” Kirei mused silently.

“Hmm…” Tohsaka Tokiomi crossed his arms. “No. No, I don’t think so. The more I repeat what this man told Kanao, the more I get the idea that I must’ve known this old man who visited her. Not directly, of course, I’ve only heard about him. But to think he would appear before Kanao… that’s quite strange…”

“Who, master?” Kirei repeated the same question earlier.

The creased on his master’s brow smoothened as his thoughtful expression was replaced with rightful superiority, and told him proudly, “If this old man’s identity is what I’ve thought of, then I suppose it doesn’t hurt to tell you my ancestor’s mentor. His name Zelretch. Kishur Zelretch Schweinorg, and the user of Second Magic.”

“Magic…” Kirei was surprised. He didn’t know that the name Tohsaka was under the apprenticeship of a Magic user. And the silent arrogance of Tohsaka Tokiomi suddenly made sense to him. “If my master’s ancestor is under this man, then perhaps you are following the will of Zelretch as an obligation…?” But Kirei wasn’t confident at this statement.

“The will of Zelretch?” His master looked astonished. “The means of reaching the Root of the Tohsaka’s ambition using the Holy Grail is not necessarily his will. Every mage is obligated to reach the Root. I won’t say for everyone but it is every mage’s reason of existence — to reach it in any means necessary.”

“My apologies, master.” These words came out before Kirei could stop it. He can’t help it. He felt like he was just severely reprimanded. “But can I ask, master, of something I’m wondering about? This Root that you and father told me, was reaching it is truly the goal of every mage? What happens if they reach it?” Kirei had no interest in this kind of matter, if he had to be honest. But this kind of information might be useful in the future.

“Reaching the Root is truly in every mage’s purpose. But as a goal? No, not really. We, mages, are compelled to reach it no matter what it takes. But if we did truly reach it, then we’d proudly present it that we truly did open a path to the Root.”

Kirei was confused. “But never grasping the Root itself?” he asked incredulously.

Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled sympathetically. “It must be quite strange to you, isn’t it? You’ve probably thought of our endeavors as meaningless and insignificant. But to us, it’s important. Every mages thinks so.”

“…I did. I’m sorry if I have offended you with my thoughts, master.” Kirei bowed in apology. _I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me, he suddenly remembered certain verses from the Bible, And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless._ Kirei closed his eyes. _Ecclesiastes 2:18-19_. To think he would remember that, he thought. And then he recalled… “Master, you said this old man changed the subject about her eyes during their conversation…?”

“Ah,” Tohsaka Tokiomi said. “Her eyes, yes, he did talk about it. Kanao told me that, before she was visited with these men and her sudden call to halt her examination, her eyes was declared to be a Mystic Eyes when they discovered she had magic circuits around her eyes, not only simply because she had a photographic memory.”

“A Mystic Eyes…” Kirei murmured. He wasn’t surprised. If they declared her strange, striking eyes to be one, then it makes sense.

“Yes; Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception, as they’d called it. I recalled it to be a rare yet dangerous type of Mystic Eyes, one can prove that might lead into insanity if one should possess it. Mystic Eyes of Death Perception is another type of rare — even rarer — and dangerous, but not quite the same as Hollow Perception.”

“What danger does Hollow Perception poses to its user?” Kirei asked. He knew what Death Perception works, with the implication already in its name. But with Hollow Perception — he had no idea.

“Lunacy is the common consequences, but that’s an understatement. Hollow Perception, as I remember, is a Mystic Eyes that ‘captures’ information — materialistic or otherwise. In other words, it gathers streams of data continuously whenever the Mystic Eyes gazes on something, no matter how small or big, visible or invisible, or anything that it ‘captures’. It memorizes everything, whether you like it or not.” His master smiled in slight amusement. “Kanao got lucky. If it wasn’t for her rare elemental affinity, she would have gotten insane long ago.”  
“Rare… you mean she has the affinity to one of the Imaginary Element?”

His master smiled proudly. “Correct. I’m glad you remembered what I’d taught you. Between Hollow and Void, she got the former. Hollow Element, also called as Imaginary Numbers, is indeed a rare element to have an affinity with. I’ve told you that lunacy or insanity is the consequences of possessing these eyes — that is because these people doesn’t have an affinity of Hollow Element. A single brain doesn’t have the capacity to store that much information after all — that’s why people who possess Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception goes insane. Some may even kill themselves.”

“Hollow Perception…” Kirei pondered the name. “If Kanao has the affinity to Hollow Element, then that means she had access to Imaginary Number Space, the Void Sea.” When his master stayed silent, Kirei continued his analysis. “Hollow — for the affinity to the Hollow Element. And Perception… Master, is the reason why it was called Hollow Perception because whenever what the Mystic Eyes ‘captures’ and perceives it, it is stored into the Imaginary Number Space? And that’s why Kanao haven’t gone insane despite her possessing it?”

Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled approvingly. “Great analysis, Kirei. You’re right — that’s the reason why it was called as Hollow Perception. Records says it existed during the Age of Gods, with some claiming that the Primordial Goddess of Night, Nyx, possessed such Mystic Eyes, dating it back beyond the Age of Gods, while others say some Gods and Goddesses of Knowledge also possessed it. One even went overboard and said that the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception was the Eye of Providence itself.”

“The All-Seeing Eye…” Kirei was doubtful that the All-Seeing Eye or Eye of Providence is the same Mystic Eyes that Kanao currently possessed. “So Kanao was simply lucky to have the right affinity for the Mystic Eyes, and it was further enhanced with her photographic memory.”

“They say even the most intelligent go insane because they can’t handle the burden of it,” his master remarked, “Anyways, this old man — or Zelretch — and Kanao did talk about her eyes, and asked her whether she liked having that eyes or not. She told him that it doesn’t matter if she liked her eyes or not. Since she possessed it now, she had no choice but to accept it. He left after that.”

They both fell into silence, until Kirei asked, “Wait, master, you said this old man she met might be the same person who taught your ancestor, how is that possible…?”

“Ah, I forgot to mention that,” Tohsaka Tokiomi chuckled. “Magic Users are known to have long lives. Perhaps it’s a side-effect when reaching the Root.”

Kirei didn’t ask regarding about the Root anymore. Besides, mages and their purpose was too appalling for him to understand. Instead, he asked, “Did Kanao told you about her Command Seals, master?”

“She did.” Tohsaka Tokiomi sighed. “Quite a shame really. She would prove to be useful, especially with that eyes of hers. But at the same time, I’m glad for her. It took me to realize this, but she doesn’t seem keen being included in this war. I suppose I can’t blame her. This is a death match, a battle royal between mages. Under certain circumstances, she might end up dead at the conclusion of the war.”

“I see.” Tsuyuri Kanao does hadn’t been quite keen at the idea joining as a Master. Even his dreams about her told him so. She won’t bear the markings that would incite her death, he recalled her — no, it pointed out to him before.

“Since her examination has been halted and she would be no longer going to her ‘trips’, I suggest to use your time wisely, Kirei,” Tohsaka Tokiomi advised. Kirei nodded in compliance, knowing what his master meant. 

“I will, master,” he said. “But… for Kanao to have such eyes — it can’t be possibly something that would be suddenly possessed by other people, doesn’t it?”

“It doesn’t,” his master agreed. “It’s possible that her family might have been subjected into some kind of practice, or they’d subjected themselves to it to have a ‘successful’ offspring. According to my investigation, her family was quite bountiful until, as the report said, they died in some kind of illness, an illness not even her parents survived, except for a girl. A girl who now called herself as Tsuyuri Kanao. I’d asked her what biological name was before offhandedly, but she said she doesn’t remember anymore.”

“It must have been painful if she’d lapsed into…” he trailed off, and he realized the reason why Tsuyuri Kanao had lapsed into silence — her ability to talk until she regained it years later.

* * *

The sight of Kanao wearing a huge-rimmed glasses that almost covers the upper half of her face surprised him the next day. And Tohsaka Rin was no better, who openly gaped at her new appearance (even though she only added wearing glasses) with ill-disguised bewilderment.

“Wha… wha… wha…” Rin stammered as she gingerly approached Kanao. “W-what happened, Kanao? Why are you wearing that? Is something wrong with your eyes?” she asked worriedly.

“Don’t worry, Rin, there is nothing wrong with my eyes,” Kanao assured. “It’s in perfect condition in fact. I’m just… self-conscious of my eyes, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Rin sighed in relief. “Thank goodness. But… why are you self-conscious of your eyes? I think they’re very pretty.”

“Thank you.” Kanao accepted the compliment easily.

Rin smiled widely at her. “I heard about it, Kanao, you’re no longer going back to London for an entire year.”

“Yes, but it’s only for the time being.” Kanao nodded. “My… ‘trip’ is not done..”

“I wish you won’t be going back to your ‘trips’ again.”

“I’m sure that will happen eventually.”

“So,” Rin crossed her arms and shot him a glare. “What are you doing here, Kirei?”

The three of them was sitting on a bench, in a single lone bench in the garden in actuality, and Rin was disgruntled that he was also sitting with them. Although, Kirei did gave them some space, sitting at the other end of the bench. “Sitting under the shade of apple tree in the garden,” he replied flatly. He recently found out that the tree in the garden was actually an apple tree. “Sitting with you,” he added with a small, subtle smile.

Rin looked at him dubiously. Kanao seemed to notice his teasing demeanor. “Please, don’t tease Rin, Kirei-san.” Though, the way she said it was not a slightest bit reprimanding.

“He did…?!” Rin gasped, and she turned to him. “You did?! Geez, why do you keep teasing me in every opportunity you see?”

“He does?” Kanao asked curiously.

“He does.” She returned her attention to Kanao, pouting indignantly. “Tell him, Kanao, tell him to stop teasing me like I’m still a big baby that can be easily tricked.”

Kanao raised her eyes to him, and for some reason, he was slightly disappointed that the striking color he was so used to see from her eyes, was covered by the huge-rimmed glasses, making it seemingly faded. “Please, don’t tease Rin, Kirei-san,” she repeated promptly what she’d told him earlier.

Rin looked at him expectedly. “I will,” he replied.

“That wasn’t a slightest bit genuine,” Rin observed sharply.

Kirei looked at her directly in the eyes. “I won’t tease you anymore, Rin.”

“…fine,” Rin accepted. “I’ll see to that. If you have no business here other than tease me, you can go away.”

“I have actually,” said Kirei, “I was planning to talk with Kanao until you arrived snatched her away from me.” ‘Snatched’ was an overstatement, but he and Kanao was planning to talk when they caught each other’s eyes until Rin’s bewilderment distracted her from him.

“Really?” Rin turned to Kanao for affirmation.

“Well… Kirei-san and I did plan to talk but you approached me first,” she said neutrally.

“That’s actually your fault, you big idiot,” Rin told him. “First come, first served — I think I heard that before, but! If you wanted to talk with her first, approached her before I could.” She looked at him challengingly.

Kirei stared at her. _Since when did this turn into a contest?_ he thought.

“It’s almost the time of my work,” Kanao said as she stood up, “Our talk will continue later,” she told them as she bowed in courtesy and left them on the bench.

Rin and Kirei fell into an unexpected silence.

“Doing a great job being a good friend?” Rin asked impassively.

“I’m trying,” he replied mildly.

“Good. I’ve received permission from Father to walk with Kanao this afternoon, so you better not interrupt us.”  
“Understood.”

Another silence.

“You better keep your word to never tease me anymore,” she said pointedly as she left him.

“I will.” _I would be compelled to do that if Kanao is around her._

* * *

In a twist of circumstances, Rin’s plan didn’t went smoothly as she thought. Kirei was slightly surprised when his master insisted to his daughter that Kirei should accompany them to the shopping district.

“Why? Me and Kanao usually go there by ourselves, why does Kirei had to go with us?” Rin had asked her father indignantly. It was obvious she didn’t expect that it was Kirei, of all people, that her father suggested.

“Why not? Kirei had been a good apprentice to me, is it wrong for me to give him a reward?” Kirei raised an eyebrow to his master who only smiled knowingly at him, as if to tell him: go along with my excuse. And Kanao seemed to notice their exchanged glances, looking back and forth between them, as she sat beside Rin who is still pouting deeply.

“Don’t worry, Rin. Kirei-san won’t ruin our groceries,” Kanao attempted to assure Rin, as if she had gotten the hint from the silent exchanges between him and his master.

“That’s not what I mean…” Rin looked glumly at her, and then she sighed. “Fine. Kirei will accompany us but,” Rin looked at Kirei straight in the eyes, “only as a chaperon.”  
“I’ll try my best to be a good chaperon.” Kirei bowed in response to her words.

And now, carrying their shopping plastic bags at either of his hands, Kirei walked behind them as Rin dragged Kanao to whenever something caught her attention, looking through the glass at the shiny jewels displayed in the shop. He can hear Rin wanted to buy it but Kanao told her that they don’t have money to purchase it. The little girl shrugged, and walked to him where he was sitting in a nearby bench.

“We’re going home, Rin. We’ve bought enough,” Kanao said patiently.

“Okay…” Rin conceded eventually, and they’ve strolled away from the shopping district.

A reserved silence blanketed to the three of them. None of them raised their voice to each other. Kirei was quite fine with it. At least, it was comfortable.

“Rin, why are you so hostile to him?” Kirei heard Kanao’s small whisper behind him, as he’d walked ahead of them and realizing that he’d gained a considerable gap between them. But nevertheless, he still heard their voices despite the distance.

“Kirei?” Rin whispered back. “I’m not… hostile to him.”

“You are,” Kanao pointed out. “It’s obvious. I saw it.”

“Your eyes is really amazing, isn’t it, Kanao? If I had it, I would see what he’s planning.”

“Plan? To whom?”

“You! I’m talking about you!” There was a sharp gasp before Rin continued more silently, “I see it. He’s planning something.”

“Isn’t it because your father told him to talk with me for information?” Kanao reasoned.

“Wha…” Rin’s voice faltered. “What the…? Kirei confessed about that?”

“Right at the start.”

“Really…? Wait, no, that’s not what I mean. I mean, he’s planning something other than that!” Rin inadvertently raised her voice, and she doesn’t seem to notice about it.

“And that’s the reason why you’re hostile to him?” Kanao asked.

“Um, well,” Rin hesitated. “Yeah, probably.”

“Probably…?”

“I’m not sure actually. I don’t like him. I don’t really, really like him for some reason.”

“Is it because he teased you before?”

“Ah — well — um… okay, maybe, but… To be honest, I may not like his teasing, but I found him really unnerving though. Didn’t you told me before that Kirei was like a walking empty bottle half-filled? That confused me at first but when I thought about it, I think he’s…” Rin’s word trailed off into silence.

“I see. Rather than him having a plan, I think you have a plan regarding about him, isn’t it?”  
Rin was silent.

“I see it, Rin. I can see what you are planning. I do. But it’s useless. It won’t work. Although, I may not know how you’d act your plan against him but please, don’t do it. Kirei-san is already a friend of mine, you don’t have to drive him away from me.”

Kirei strained his ears when he didn’t caught what Rin murmured.

“…ah, so you told him that…?” Kanao chuckled lightly. “This may be not appropriate to say right now but… thank you. When there was no one else, you and Sakura was my only friend.” There was sadness in Kanao’s voice. “Thank you… Rin,” she repeated solemnly.

After that, they strolled in the sidewalk in silence.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Rin’s voice chimed in, “who was that who greeted you earlier?”

That question made Kirei bristled in attention. Someone recognized her in the shopping district? Since he had separated from them for a while, Kirei doesn’t know what’d transpired.

“It was someone from the orphanage.” A pause. “Someone who kept nagging me about my name, until she gave me one.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Her name is Kanzaki Aoi, and apparently, she worked as a housemaid around the same area in your residence, Rin.”

“That’s got to be an amazing coincidence.” Rin sounded impressed. “Are you going to visit her?”

“In spare time perhaps.”

“You should! After all, it’s been a while you’ve met her, isn’t it?”

“I will. Eventually,” Kanao told Rin lightly.

Even though Kirei’s presence was unwelcomed and unexpected (in accordance to Rin), at least, he gathered some piece of information of him being a chaperon to them.

* * *

“Ah, Kanao and Rin already told me about it,” his master said dismissively when Kirei relayed the conversation that afternoon. The moonlight peeked through his master’s study’s window as he can see the twinkling stars above in the night sky.

“Oh.” At least, he’d reported it.

“Kanao already asked me a permission to have a day-off for tomorrow,” his master confided. “And I’ve permitted her. She’s planning to visit this friend of hers.”

“By herself?” Kirei asked.

“No.” Tohsaka Tokiomi glanced up. “You’ll be accompanying her.”

“I thought Rin will do that?” Kirei assumed that Rin would be also meeting this Kanzaki Aoi.

“Not now.” His master shook his head. “In the future, maybe, but not now. Take a good look at them first, Kirei. I trust your judgement.”  
“Understood,” Kirei complied. “Master, did she told you that this person was the one who gave her the name Tsuyuri Kanao?”

Tohsaka Tokiomi frowned. “She didn’t.”

“She… didn’t?” Kirei didn’t expect that. “She didn’t reported it to you earlier?” he asked.

“Kanao said she coincidentally met an old friend from the orphanage, and she would planning to visit her tomorrow.”

“Hmm.” _She must’ve thought it was unnecessary to tell him that,_ Kirei thought, _or maybe…_ “I’ll be accompanying her tomorrow, master,” he said instead.

“I’m counting on you.”

Kirei left his master’s study after he bowed in farewell.

When he was about to make his way to the front door to leave, a strange inclination possessed him and he strolled to the kitchens instead. As he sets his eyes to a certain spot, a strange satisfaction course through him when he saw Kanao sitting by the windows close to the kitchens, and on her hands was a steaming cup of tea with her attention distracted outside the window, looking up at the stars above.

“Good evening.” Kirei smiled when she snapped her attention to him, startled at his greeting.

“Good evening…” she replied weakly. Looking down at her hands, she raised the cup to him. “Tea?”

“If you please,” he accepted.

Kanao disappeared to the kitchen, and moments later, she returned with a teapot on one hand and a steaming cup of tea to her other. “Here you go.” She put down the tea to the table.

“Thank you,” he said in gratitude. Kanao smiled and nodded.

They both sipped their tea at the same time, and Kirei was vaguely aware that she didn’t spat out her tea despite how hot and steamy it looks.

“I…” Kanao started. “I… I won’t waste time. You heard the conversation earlier, aren’t you?” she asked bluntly.

“I did,” he admitted.

“And you told your master about it?”

Kirei nodded.

“Including my planned visit tomorrow?”

“I do,” he said. “And I’ll be accompanying you,” he reminded.

“Yeah… that too,” she said silently. “I’m the one who suggested that to your master,” she confessed.  
“You did?”

She nodded.

_Why…?_ he thought confusingly. _Why him instead of Rin?_

“I chose you over Rin,” she told him as if to answer his thoughts. “Don’t worry. I have no… ulterior motives for you. I just thought you would be appropriate.”

“I see.” Kirei accepted the reason, but…  
“And I’ll make sure to be a good friend to you.”

“Oh.” Kirei realized what Rin had murmured to Kanao earlier. “I should say the same to you.” He returned her bow with his own.

Kanao returned to her usual posture. “If you’ve heard our conversation, then you must’ve known that Rin and Sak—“she stopped herself, “Tohsaka Rin and Matou Sakura was my only friend. I have no one else in this household. Aoi-san and your master may not be against me, but they are not my friend. Though, I won’t deny I am indebted to them — I would have already died if it wasn’t for them.”

Kirei listened to her intently, and she continued, “If possible… only if possible, I wish to be your friend, Kirei-san. Is that possible?” she asked solemnly.

“What if I’m a bad kind of friend?” he asked her instead.

“But a friend nonetheless,” she countered.

“I would be a bad influence to you,” he reasoned.

Kanao stared at him, and removed her huge-rimmed glasses as she closed her eyes. And when she opened her eyes, her expression went blank and told him coldly, “You never felt happiness, felt joy, felt satisfaction, felt fulfilled. What kind of person are you — no, how have you been alive this long, walked this earth as if you existed when you, yourself, doesn’t feel alive at all?”

Kirei stiffened. Did he heard that right? Did she just said those words to him? Why would she said those words…? He was vaguely aware that he was looking at her with wide eyes in shock. But then, reasoning immediately possessed him, and watched her with scrutinized eyes, wondering what’d infatuated her to say such words.

“That was fast,” Kanao observed, as the light of her eyes returned. “But that was the most reactive response I’ve gotten from you since then.”

“…what are you planning?” he asked eventually.

“I’m sorry, Kirei-san, for saying those words to you.” She smiled apologetically. “As I expected, you are a walking empty bottle only half-filled… I supposed you’ve heard that from Rin earlier, isn’t it?”

And then suddenly, his father’s words resurfaced involuntarily. _You are longing something that even I or the Church that can’t fulfill you no matter what we do._ “What makes you think of that?” he asked cautiously.

She smiled faintly. “I’m sure you must’ve heard about my eyes — the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception, and what I’d told you before that I can see even the smallest things, of the smallest shift of things. You must’ve been aware of that — that I’m trying to gauge out your emotions through your expressions.

“That’s right. My eyes does ‘capture’ information from what I see, but it doesn’t give me knowledge. All I can do is interpret the information I’ve received, but it doesn’t mean my interpretations are correct. I’m not matured enough to understand what I’d seen — the hints, subtle actions, ulterior motives. Yes, I may have perceived these things, but it doesn’t mean I can comprehend what it means.

“What makes me think of that, you asked Kirei-san; what makes me think that you are a walking empty bottle only half-filled? To be honest, it’s the closest interpretation I can think of you. I think you are like an empty bottle waiting to be filled, waiting to be satiated, as every bottle should. But you didn’t. You’re like an unfinished product — a bottle with its tip left unsealed with no cap on it, showing a gaping hole with its contents only half-full and half-empty. If you are the bottle, then the water… no, the wine… no, not that… I think your own blood and sweat are its contents, and you, the bottle that was only half-filled, wanted more than that.”

Kirei was speechless. Dumbfounded and yet amazed. “Who…” Who, he thought, does she think she is? How did that interpretation of hers sound so ridiculous in his ears yet it make sense? How in a world she come up with that analogy of hers — a bottle, of all things — to describe him and yet… it sounded so right to him? “What kind of person are you, Tsuyuri Kanao?” he asked, astounded.

Kanao smiled resignedly. “A girl who just happen to have this eyes.” And she lightly sipped her tea, breaking eye contact from him.

Silence enveloped them. And Kirei suddenly had no appetite to drink his tea.

“That… probably doesn’t answer why I’d riled you earlier,” Kanao continued. “Nor why I wanted to be a friend with you, but… for a while now, since your father told me about your circumstances… I’ve been wanting to tell you about this.”

“…circumstances?” That word snapped Kirei out of his reverie.

She smiled apologetically once again. “About the person you recently lost — your wife, as I found out.”

_Was it sad? That you lost this someone?_ Kirei remembered that Kanao asked him this question before but… was she really curious about that the whole time? Was it really a significant question and he doesn’t know about it?

“When I’d asked you about it, it was only a meaningless question,” she replied his thoughts. “A simple question meant to… rile you up, I admit. I was curious how you would react about it.”

“But didn’t you apologized about it?” Kirei recalled. “Didn’t you already told me just wanted to see my reaction? That it was a misunderstanding and how you’ve judged me horri…” his words trailed off as he remembered clearly.

That’s right — that was the time when Kanao kept averting her eyes from him. And he’d asked her what she’d seen in him that made her uncomfortable. Kirei almost forgot about it — after all, it was almost two years ago. The first few days of their time together. Their conversation that was so distant and short, a far-cry of their conversation today; right here, right now.

_When did it change?_ he wondered. _When did it change between them?_

“Were you thinking about… that conversation Kirei-san?” 

Kanao’s voice made him look up to her. Kirei watched her carefully. “What conversation?”

She blinked. “About me attempting to rile you up with a question about your wife, wondering if you cared.”

“The reason that made you uncomfortable… it wasn’t only to see if I cared, isn’t it?”

“It isn’t,” she admitted.

“It was to see if I was a heartless person,” he said.

“It is,” she replied. “And relating about your wife… you did care for her, and your time with her was fleeting yet significant, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Kirei had expecting his chest would contract but surprisingly, no pain came to him. But instead, something… he was feeling… something…

“Regarding what I’d said to you earlier…” Kanao watched him carefully. “You tried to kill yourself, aren’t you?”

He didn’t respond.

Kanao looked at him almost disappointingly. “You would’ve denied those words, Kirei-san. Suicide is against your faith – you should had reprimanded me for insulting you, but you didn’t. If you’ve refuted me like before when I accused you of being a thief, I wouldn’t be…” her words gradually faltered, looking up to him reluctantly.  
Kirei stared at her.

“What is it?” she asked eventually.

“Was it…” He took a deep breath. “Was it easy for you to see through me?”

“No,” she confessed, “no, it wasn’t, Kirei-san. Easy, I mean. Ever since…” she considered for a moment before she continued, “as far as I can remember, I see the world differently, and I assumed others saw the same thing, but, as I found out, they doesn’t. I guess, now that I thought about it, it must be something to do with my… this Mystic Eyes I possessed.

“It wasn’t really easy, Kirei-san, to ‘see through you’. Of all the people I encountered, I received the least ‘information’ from you directly. It wasn’t enough, I thought, it was inadequate. That’s the reason why I keep asking you questions before, Kirei-san, I’m sure you’ve noticed about it.”

“I did,” Kirei confirmed. “You… must have put a lot of thought about me, aren’t you?”

“I always think,” she told him simply.

Both of them fell silent, as always.

“You’re… not upset?” Kanao asked reluctantly.

“Why would I?”

“Most people would be upset being told what character they possess, whether they are aware of it or not — that’s what my friend at Clock Tower said.”

_Her friend at Clock Tower?_ he thought, but he didn’t point it out. “I am not upset,” he told her.

“Oh.” She sighed. “That’s a relief.”

Kirei wasn’t aware that he had lifted his hand to his chest until Kanao pointed out, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” he said eventually. “I’m just…”

“Relieve?” she suggested.

“Is it?”

“…probably. You’re more relaxed.”

He dropped his hand from his chest. “Probably,” he conceded, and he stood up. “As promised, I’ll accompany you to your friend tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” She bowed in gratitude, and then she looked up to him. “I’ll dress appropriately for a friend,” she hinted.

“You should,” he agreed as he complied. “I’ll dress neatly also.”

Kanao smiled. “See you tomorrow, Kirei-san.”

“See you tomorrow.”

* * *

And tomorrow they did.

Kirei wore a casual attire he could find — a trousers and a dress shirt with a jacket over it, all colored in charcoal black. The collection of his wardrobe was all but dark colors, and Kirei wondered if he should buying different colored clothes but he denied the thought. Clothes are meant to cover the body of man and woman, not as a decoration. He’s aware that others would thought otherwise, as fashionable suits and dresses and models who advertised it are commercial, but it’s his opinion as a man of God. If it wasn’t for the disobedience committed by Adam and Eve, clothes would had been meaningless.

Beside him, Kanao also cleaned up nicely. Kirei suspected that the pristine white dress she wore was something given or provided by Tohsaka Aoi. As far as he can remember (just like him), she always sported dark-colored clothes, whether it was long-sleeved blouses or long skirts, with her hair pulled up with the purple and pink butterfly-shaped ornament on her head. And now, as she walked beside him, only the upper-half of her hair was brought up and tied by the hair ornament in half-updo, with the rest flowing straightly to her mid-back. Her overall appearance evoked an image of an innocent person.

“You did dress up appropriately for a friend,” Kirei had complimented her when they met at the park earlier.

“Thank you. And you did dress neatly also.” She skimmed his appearance. “Including your hair.”

Kirei thanked her. Just like her, he tied his hair back into a low ponytail since it’d gotten longer. He reminded himself that he should get a haircut at the end of the day.

“This friend of yours, Kanzaki Aoi,” Kirei started, as he looked around the neighborhood. “She’s a housemaid as I remember. Did she mention what residence she worked for?"

“She told me to search for the biggest house around here. She… didn’t said… what family… she served for,” she said hesitatingly.

Kirei looked at her searchingly. “You’re not used to lying,” he told her matter-of-factly.

She looked down guiltily.

He looked for the biggest house in the neighborhood, and in the corner of his eyes, Kirei saw a certain building in the distance. “Your friend said ‘biggest’, does that include ‘tallest’?” he asked.

Kanao followed his gaze. “Possibly.”

They walked to that direction until they arrived. Stepping forward, Kanao pressed the button at the gate. A second later, the gate opened by itself.

“Does thieves press the button?” Kanao wondered verbally. 

As they entered beyond the gate, they looked back when it closed on its own. Wordlessly, they moved forward.

Kirei was vaguely aware that Kanao beside him was looking carefully in their surroundings using her Mystic Eyes, gathering or ‘capturing’ information as she can. He imitated her, although, subtly and unnoticing as he could.

Layers after layers of Bounded Fields. That’s what Kirei sensed ahead of them. _A mage?_ he thought as he observed around him. He can recognize an illusionary Bounded Field and multiple protective Bounded Fields ahead. Kirei assumed the mage who put them up must be quite cautious. A thief would be careless to approach this mansion, he surveyed. And speaking of the mansion, they finally caught the glimpse of it.

“That’s different from what we saw earlier,” Kanao remarked as she saw what was ahead of them.

She’s right. The mansion — no, it was no longer the mansion they saw, it was a traditional Japanese house. It wasn’t even the biggest nor the tallest building, in contrary what they saw earlier.

“Good morning,” a voice greeted them.

Immediately as they heard it, Kanao beside him went still. Her eyes was wide in shock when Kirei turned to look at her, before he returned his attention to the woman who was standing in front of the mansion. And then he bristled when he realized that the source of the Bounded Fields came from her… and other than that, he noticed — he noticed a very familiar ornament as if it was seemingly alive on her hair.

It was a butterfly hair ornament… but only single purple wing.

The woman smiled. “I am Kōcho Shinobu, head of the Butterfly Mansion. Nice to meet you.”

* * *

Kirei wondered if they had walked into a trap. A trap laid by the woman, Kōcho Shinobu, who served them tea since they’d been invited inside the mansion as they’re now lodging in the spacious living room, sitting on a tatami, using Kanao’s friend, Kanzaki Aoi. But he backtracked and thought that it doesn’t make sense. If Kōcho Shinobu was the one who put up Bounded Fields — and multiple wards too as he just noticed — as if to hide herself, why would she visibly greet them, leaving herself in the open as though she’d been expecting them? Was this Kanzaki Aoi in cohorts with this woman in order to lure them in?

Or perhaps… they were related to the organization that Kanao was connected with?

The look on Kanao’s face earlier wasn’t just a pure, primitive astonishment; there was also a look of recognition. Kirei might not have the same eyes as hers, but he knew what he saw on her expression. Kanao knew who this woman is, he scrutinized, and they weren’t strangers at all. After all, as he and Kanao sat side-by-side, Kirei saw her kept following the movements of Kōcho Shinobu with a longing, distant look.

After a while, another woman arrived to greet them. Or least to say, Kirei thought was greeting them. Kanao murmured a name, and he realized that she was Kanzaki Aoi, Kanao’s friend from the orphanage.

Kanzaki Aoi’s disposition wasn’t something he’d expected. He thought that, for someone to befriend Kanao, Kanzaki Aoi would a person with a personality contrasting Tsuyuri Kanao, not someone who wore a perpetual frown. Kanzaki greeted them almost pessimistically, and asked for her friend to come with her. Kanao naturally complied, and followed after her as the door slid close behind her.

And now, Kirei was left alone with Kōcho Shinobu.

“Let me be frank with you,” Kōcho started, as soon as Kanao and Kanzaki’s footsteps faded, “what’s your relationship with Tsuyuri Kanao?”

“Despite never introducing ourselves, you knew her?” Kirei said steadily.

She chuckled, her purple eyes flickering despite hollowness on it. “As expected from the Church. It was easy to see through me, isn’t it?” she said smilingly.

Kirei firmly put up his guard. “For someone who knows the nature of the Church, I guess, as expected from a mage like yourself?” he shot back, never faltering.

“A mage?” She looked amused. “Maybe I am. Does someone who knows magecraft makes you a mage automatically? Or perhaps I’m part of the unconventional category?”

“Unconventional you may be, but at the end of the day, you are still a mage.”

“Thanks for the information, priest. That was quite helpful,” Kōcho said lightly.

“You’re welcome,” Kirei replied to her sarcastic remark. “Let me be the one to be frank with you, why did you invite Tsuyuri Kanao here?”

“Before I answer that question, perhaps could you answer my question earlier?” she told him. “If you didn’t caught it for the first time, then let me repeat it once more.” Her smile dropped. “What’s your relationship with Tsuyuri Kanao?”

Kirei considered her words. Not strangers at all. “In what stance are you asking?” he asked keenly.

“Stance? You mean, my position why I’m asking this?” Kōcho hummed thoughtfully. “I’m doing it… as a friend, perhaps?” she said nonchalantly.

“I see.” That’s as close I can get that she was one of the woman who took Tsuyuri Kanao from the orphanage. “My relationship with her is being a good friend.”

Kōcho stared at him searchingly. “You’re quite a rigid man, aren’t you?” she remarked.

“…what does that something to do—“

“Nothing,” she said briskly. “Nothing significant. Just my observation.”

He narrowed his eyes, and he demanded, “Now answer my question.”

She smiled. “Before we get into it, how about drinking the tea first?” Kōcho gestured at the cup of tea she served earlier. Kirei hadn’t took a single sip from it yet.

“No, thank you,” he refused politely.

“I,” she made eye contact with him, “Kōcho Shinobu, _insist._ ”

They stared at each other, and Kirei suddenly wanted to comply her words to do so. Realizing what was going with him, he closed his eyes and looked away. “Using hypnosis to a guest just to drink their tea — what are you planning?” he said reprovingly.

“That was just a plain old suggestion, priest. I did suggest you to drink the tea,” she replied casually.

Kirei glanced down at the table. “If you are forcing me to drink that, who knows what kind of tampering you did to the tea.”

“Excellent intuition, priest. If you are wondering it’s poisonous, it’s not — even though it is my specialty.”

Kirei was getting tired of this farce. “Now it’s time to answer the question, woman,” he said tolerantly as possible.

“Alright, alright,” she conceded. “Before we get into it — yes, yes, I know. I won’t use anymore suggestion on you,” she quickly added when he shot her a look. “But… I’m sure you got more questions than that, right? For example… why Tsuyuri Kanao got that eyes of hers?”

“What are you on to?” he asked suspiciously.

“Since suggestion and the tea didn’t work,” she told him. “How about we trade information, Kotomine Kirei?”

He bristled.

“Make sure to drink the tea to replenish yourself in case you got thirsty,” she suggested innocuously, smiling sweetly.

But Kirei didn’t touch tea throughout their conversation.

* * *

Before the time strikes twelve o’clock in the afternoon, Kirei and Kanao left the mansion. Kōcho Shinobu had told them a condition that the moment they get out of the house that they should never look back until they arrived at the gate.

“If you look back, you’ll turn into a sack-worth of salt,” Kōcho had told them smilingly, but Kirei had a feeling it was aimed to him, since Kanao blinked in confusion before nodding in compliance.

As the noise of the gate clanged to close, both of them promptly looked back. A metal gate barricading a forest. That’s what the outer appearance they saw. And in the distance, a skyscraper-like building peeked out among the trees — the building they’d seen earlier before they entered. So that’s what the illusionary Bounded Field’s purpose, Kirei realized. Others would assume that there was a large house beyond the forest and would foolishly attempt to sneak in for a look. A deliberate lure to gather people, as Kōcho had admitted to him earlier in their conversation, to extract information what’d happened to the outside world.

Moments later, after they walked basked in silence, Kirei and Kanao sat in a bench at the park. Both of them had no appetite to eat and fill their stomach, they both silently agreed that they should gather their own thoughts what’d transpired at the Butterfly Mansion. And Kanao, in particular beside him, was in a deep daze and her eyes looked hollow, as her mind went somewhere else other than in this park.

As for him… Kirei received quite an abundant amount of information. Most are quite significant for his master. Even at some point, Kirei was suspicious at the pile of information, wondering if Kōcho had some kind of ulterior motive.

“I don’t care about that,” Kōcho had told him flatly when he bluntly voiced his thoughts. “It’s up to you whether you want to relay what I told you or not. Besides, like I said, I don’t care.”

When he asked her why, she replied, “Tell… whoever you wanted to tell the info and say Ubuyashiki Family sends their regards. If it happened to be a Tohsaka head,” she added, “tell him, ‘The Ubuyashiki Family will always remember your consideration.’ That should give him an idea probably.”

_A yakuza family?_ he wondered when he was told of those words. This ‘Ubuyashiki Family’ seemed to have some kind of influence, possibly in the entire Fuyuki, even, if Kirei took Kōcho’s words into consideration, the Tohsaka Family seemed to be familiar with this family.

If, he thought suddenly, if, in some way, the Ubuyashiki Family is connected to the organization that Kanao told them, then… The circumstances would be ironic and comical. If Tohsaka and Ubuyashiki is connected in some way, then the organization that the Ubuyashiki implied to had created that Kanao was connected with, and Tohsaka Tokiomi, who took in Tsuyuri Kanao under his wing and the current head of Tohsaka Family, has no idea that all of this was happening under his nose.

The Tohsaka’s ignorance was the Ubuyashiki’s to lead and create an organization to fight an alleged creatures of the night... or so they thought. Or maybe, Kirei thought as he realized, they were joint families, partners even. But with his master, Tohsaka Tokiomi’s haughty disposition, Kirei denied the thought immediately. Of all the trading information with Kōcho, he received the least about it.

“You must’ve been wondering, aren’t you, Kirei-san?” Kanao started, her gaze still at the laughing children at the playground. “Why I seem to know the woman who is the head of Butterfly Mansion?”

Kōcho didn’t told him directly, but he had some idea. “It doesn’t matter now,” he said truthfully.

“It is,” she refuted. “You have to tell your master about what happened in that mansion.”

“I am,” he confessed. “It is my responsibility as my master’s apprentice.”

“Then why it doesn’t matter…?”

“Your familiarity with her doesn’t matter, and the fact that Kōcho Shinobu already admitted her connection with you is already more than enough.”

“Eh?” She blinked. “She… she admitted…?”  
He nodded. “That’s why it doesn’t matter now.”

“Oh.” She looked slightly bewildered. “Why would she… never mind. I guess she told you everything.”

“Not everything,” he assumed.

“I see.” She looked down pensively. “If she didn’t told you, then I’ll tell you some of it.”  
Kirei turned his head to her. “What?”

“I…” she gathered for appropriate words before she continued, “I think I remembered why we became scattered. Why we no longer run as an organization anymore; the reason why we dismantled.”

He looked at her expectantly. Kanao complied.

“It’s because we finally defeated our enemy,” she told him.

“Enemy?” he urged her.

“Enemy.” She nodded. “I’m sure Kirei-san had some idea about a creature of night, right?”

He does — he did, but then… “That should’ve been our job.” Not necessarily the entirety of the Church; it’s the Executor’s responsibility.

“I’ll… apologize on their behalf,” she said as she bowed to him, “it was a personal matter.”

“A personal matter…?”

“Apparently, it started sixty years ago, roughly sixty years ago,” she clarified. “There was a huge incident that threw Fuyuki into chaos. I was told that’s the time when it started.”

Sixty years ago…? Strangely, that’s the same timeframe when the Third Holy Grail War happened. “When and who is this enemy that you’ve finally defeated?”

“I was sixteen years old when it happened, and I was one of the many fighters who fought him and one of the few who survived.” And then she spoke an unspeakable name. “We fought a man… no, a Dead Apostle named Kibutsuji Muzan.”

When he thought she was done, she said the following words.

“Even though we already defeated him, his followers are still alive.”

* * *

“…I see.” It was the only words Tohsaka Tokiomi uttered eventually after a grave silence when Kirei reported him what’d transpired in the Butterfly Mansion and his conversation with a woman named Kōcho Shinobu, and the unexpected revelation that came from Tsuyuri Kanao yesterday. “Aside from this Dead Apostle, are you sure this woman, Kōcho, truly said that to you?” his master asked. Earlier, Kirei told him of a words what Kōcho asked him to say if he decides to unravel the information to someone — in this case, what Kirei should say if that ‘someone’ is a Tohsaka current head.

“Yes, master.” Kirei affirmed.

“Ubuyashiki Family, huh?” Tohsaka Tokiomi pondered. “They’re quite an old, distinguished family, rarely yielding a mage within a generation. Every head of the family has produce abundant amount of children in an act of preserving the name of Ubuyashiki, where a boy — later a man — are only allowed to be a head of the family.”

“Is it possible that their magical aptitude waned just like the Makiris — the Matous?” Kirei asked.

“Not necessarily like the Matou Family. Ubuyashiki always have the magical affinity here in Fuyuki. That’s the reason why this Kōcho woman told you ‘The Ubuyashiki Family will always remember your consideration’; in a desperate act of preserving their magical aptitude, they had to live here and my ancestor allowed them to reside in Fuyuki.”

“But why do they rarely produced a mage in their family?”

Tohsaka Tokiomi smiled ruefully. “They are not particularly blessed with long lives. A certain incurable ‘disease’ runs in the family. The moment a boy reaches adolescence, this ‘disease’ makes its appearance.” He sighed. “Apparently, this ‘disease’ came from their Magic Crest.”

“Was there a defect in their Magic Crest?”

“Only the Ubuyashikis knows. Despite the ‘disease’ it carries, they continually to lend it generation after generation. The family are not quite highly regarded by the Association because of this.” His master raised his eyes. “By the way, Kirei, this Dead Apostle, Kibutsuji Muzan, you seemed to be well-acquainted of the name, though negatively. Is this creature been an object of interest within the Church?”

“As a former Executor, I know the name well. We were warned about this… creature of its activities. Of all the Dead Apostle who had made its presence known, Kibutsuji Muzan has drawn out an unnecessary existence in the world, and the Executors found no hints where this creature is hiding.

“And to hear that Kibutsuji Muzan has already been eliminated… was not the news we expected, but we welcomed it nonetheless. But the Church quite made a fuss that none of Executors did it, but rather, it was an unknown organization.”

“When you reported this matter to your father, has Tsuyuri Kanao became a person of interest?”

“…she was.” The Church’s interest on Kanao was understandable on Kirei’s part. As the only person available who had fought the Dead Apostle, Kibutsuji Muzan, they were quite curious of what armaments she — or they — used against the creature, as to how they’d completely defeated him without using any holy objects. However… “When they found that she was already affiliated with the Mage’s Association, they shifted their attention to ‘scout’ the survivors of the mysterious organization who defeated the Dead Apostle.”

“At this point, the Church and the Mage’s Association, for the first time in a while, had their attentions aligned to the same kind of people,” his master mused. “Since Kanao haven’t accepted the offer as an Enforcer, perhaps the Church have a lead in this case.”

Kirei stayed silent. That may be so but he believed, despite connected to the Church himself, the Mage’s Assocation was still ahead. They had their hands on Tsuyuri Kanao who was connected directly to the unknown organization, and she’s the key of their finding ‘one of her kind’. But then again, his opinion as a man who is under the Church, if only Kanao got the attention first from the Church, she would fare better as a person than an object of interest within the Mage’s Association; an object of observation and surveillance — a person with Sealing Designation.

“That aside, accompanying Kanao produced more information than I’d expected,” Tohsaka Tokiomi declared. “As for the place you told me, the Butterfly Mansion, I’ll find a spare time to visit Kōcho Shinobu.”

“For what, master?”

His master smiled. “For a pleasant talk,” he said. “You are dismissed, Kirei. You’ve done well.”

Complying, he went outside of his master’s study. Walking aimlessly to a direction he wasn’t aware of, Kirei found himself standing close to the windows that was situated close to the kitchens. Realizing where he’d arrived, Kirei sat silently in the chair.

Despite the report he told to his master, Kirei kept some information close to his chest. He didn’t reported roughly half of it — most of the obscured came from the woman, Kōcho Shinobu. He did report the entirety of his conversation with Kanao yesterday, but only necessary for his master. Most of it was relayed to his father in the church. The matter of Dead Apostle and their heresy was not something a mage should be troubled with.

Kirei was dragged out of his thoughts when he heard familiar voices outside the window. As he peered through it, he saw Rin and Kanao making flower crowns to each other. Unaware of his stare, the young girl proudly raised her wrist to Kanao.

“Look, Kanao, what do you see?” Rin asked almost haughtily.

“An expensive bracelet with priceless pearls and jewels,” Kanao said promptly.

“Isn’t it?” Rin laughed happily. “Uncle Kariya gave me this yesterday.”

Kanao blinked. “Kariya…? Matou Kariya?”

Rin nodded. “Since… since Sakura is a Matou now, Uncle Kariya is literally her uncle now.”  
Kanao was silent beside Rin, but she looked as though she was considering the young girl’s words.

“Ah… the sun is getting hotter now.” Rin looked up at the sky. “Mother will scold me if I stay here any longer.” As she said that, Rin left wordlessly, leaving Kanao at the garden. Seeing this, Kirei stood up and went to the garden.

“Good morning,” he greeted Kanao who look as if she was snapped out of her thoughts.

“G…good morning, Kirei-san,” she greeted in return as he took a seat beside her, replacing Rin’s spot. “How was the report to your master?”

“Accomplished,” he told her halfheartedly.

She nodded. “I see.”

They both went silent. Kirei glanced at her in the corner of his eyes subtly, and he saw her with eyes closed. He raised an eyebrow at that but he didn’t say a word. Rather, he closed his own eyes along with her.

Mediating, Kirei assumed. Or perhaps, with her eyes closed, she was receiving less information, and instead, she was listening of the rustle of the wind, the distant chirping of birds, and the silence… the breathing — her breathing seemed focused and unfluctuating. Kirei opened his eyes and openly gaped at her. With her hands folded in her lap, Kanao’s spine was stiff and straight in a proper manner despite her eyes closed, exuding the air of strange regality and posture of a lady.

But with her eyes closed, Kirei can’t see her strikingly colored eyes. 

And speaking of her eyes, his thoughts connected back to the conversation he had with Kōcho Shinobu yesterday, regarding about Kanao’s eyes — the Mystic Eyes she possessed.

“And as for the eyes she got and why she had it, it wasn’t an entirely a coincidence that she ended up possessing the Mystic Eyes,” Kōcho had told him after a flurry of information. “The girl now named as Tsuyuri Kanao has a Kōcho blood in her. After all, my elder sister also had the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception.”

“Meaning she was a distant relative to you?” Kirei said.

Kōcho nodded. “She is. It might be one of our ancestor marrying outside, or maybe she came from a branch family, but it doesn’t change a fact that Kanao has a Kōcho blood within her, making her a candidate user of Mystic Eyes that only a Kōcho should be able to possess, no matter how thin and diluted the blood she had it.”

Suddenly, Kirei thought in slight amusement that his master’s assumption was quite wrong. Tsuyuri Kanao’s family wasn’t subjected to anything, it was simply within her bloodline that she happened to possess the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception. And despite what Kōcho told him that it wasn’t a coincidence, it is one. Tsuyuri Kanao shouldn’t be able to possess it and yet she did. But for her to have it, the Kōcho blood within Tsuyuri Kanao must’ve been strong since it prevailed among the rest.

“The Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception. Well, I’m sure you already knew why it was called like that, right, Kotomine Kirei?” Kōcho asked lightly. When he didn’t respond, she continued, “I’ll take your silence as ‘yes’. Hollow for the Hollow Element and Perception for sight or eyes. The Kōcho Family was blessed with a rare element — Imaginary Element — that only few mages possessed. Most of us have Hollow Element, and a handful few got Void Element. And as for me,” Kōcho laughed wryly, “I got the five ‘common’ Element.

“I’m one of the black sheep in the family,” she clarified when she saw his look. “The Kōcho Family was quite proud for possessing the rare element that only few mages have. Inevitably, they tend to look down on someone if they got a ‘common’ element within the family, even those who are called as Average Ones are not even spared to this discrimination, despite being called as prodigy within the Mage’s Association.”

“You’re an Average One within the family full of rarity,” Kirei remarked unsarcastically despite the ironic implication of his words.

“It really makes me think why we are called as Average Ones,” Kōcho agreed. “But I guess, as much as I hate it, I can see why our family doesn’t held much regard when someone in our family doesn’t have one of the Imaginary Element. Those who have Hollow Element are the only ones who can handle the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception, so that makes me ruled out for possessing it. Besides, I have no interest reaching the Root.”

“And for those who have Void Element?” Kirei asked. There weren’t much information of the Void Element — the Imaginary Elements (Hollow and Void) in actuality, so he’s quite curious how those with Void Element handled the Mystic Eyes.

She regarded his words thoughtfully. “Kōcho Kanae, my late elder sister, has Void Element. She didn’t told me about it in detail but she said it was convenient since she can turn it on and off the Mystic Eyes by will alone, unlike those with Hollow Element who’ll continually receive the ‘captured’ information, just like the case with Tsuyuri Kanao.”

Kōcho Shinobu and Kōcho Kanae. His master told him that two sisters who took Tsuyuri Kanao from the orphanage and it seemed likely that one of the sister was now he’s currently facing. Her late elder sister, Kirei recalled. Kōcho Kanae must have already passed on. And other than that, the Void Element was, expectedly, described incredibly vague.

“And as for why the Mystic Eyes was created,” Kōcho resumed, “it’s just a mage’s foolish attempt to ‘reach’ the Root. Since they found out grasping the Root is impossible, they shifted their goal to only ‘perceive’ it. So Kōcho Family experimented with their rare element, and generation after generation of self-modification and torture, a Mystic Eyes was born. It wasn’t the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception yet, they, albeit formerly, created a Mystic Eyes of Just Perception, the eyes to see the present truth.

“But, as they found out, it was an imperfect Mystic Eyes. Those who possessed these eyes went crazy and died soon after. The Kōchos found out that these eyes didn’t connect with their rare element so they experimented with their body once more. And so, multiple generations went through a lot of torture and suffering, and the Mystic Eyes of Imaginary Perception was born.

“My late elder sister said there was a certain incident in Fuyuki sixty years ago, and one of our ancestor attempted to look at the Root using that incident. They failed and died. But not before leaving behind obscured records about the Mystic Eyes of Imaginary Perception. However, due how sparse it was, and multiple interpretations it bred that caused multiple versions of ‘origins’ and ‘techniques’ how use the Mystic Eyes, no one longer knows the ‘true’ nature of Mystic Eyes of Imaginary Perception. And the most commonly accepted and understood ‘interpretation’ of the Mystic Eyes was that it’s supposed to be called as Hollow Perception. From now on, it’s been always called like that.”

Kirei can’t help but commend the Kōcho Family’s tenacity to reach the Root. Altering and modifying the Mystic Eyes meant having thoroughly subjected into intense pain, and to add, it went generations after generations. According to his master who taught him magecraft and its nature, Mystic Eyes was not accurately, although accepted, as part of magecraft; it’s more of a physic ability.

Mystic Eyes materialize when there’s an aberration of Magic Circuits around the eyes of a person. And to transform Mystic Eyes to anyone’s liking is equivalent to tampering one’s organ, since Magic Circuits are comparable to the nerves of a human person, except it’s already fixed at birth. It can’t be added or lessen, unless you subject yourself to surgical alteration, akin replacing a rotten organ with a new, healthy one, or having face surgery to modifying your facial features of your own desire.

Kōcho told him, as she added, that Kōcho Family became doctors precisely because of their mage’s foolish attempt to reach the Root. Having someone in the family who is a doctor meant you’re ‘honored’ to be a subject of operation to alter the magic circuits on your head.

A collective mad doctors, Kōcho had shamelessly described her own family, although a collective successful mad doctors since they’d succeeded in their endeavors of creating the Mystic Eyes of Imaginary Perception. And, she added wryly, one of those mad doctors was the one who left the obscured records sixty years ago who also possessed the Mystic Eyes. Now, since Kōcho Family was no longer required to become doctors, they shifted their attention to become a scientist or philosopher, or whatever ideas they wanted to be. As for her, Kōcho studied to be a nurse, later becoming into herbalist.

“Collecting herbs in the mountain is more achieving than being coped up in shiny white walls that reeks sterile smell,” Kōcho had reasoned. “Besides, I didn’t really care if I’m a nurse, a doctor, philosopher, scientist, or herbalist, I rather want a purpose in life that’s more fulfilling than carrying a declined family’s will.”

“Declined family?” Kirei asked. Has the Kōchos lessen in numbers? Did they stop producing mage children?

“It wasn’t because our family had slowly waned or something like that. I said earlier that I’m one of the black sheep of the family, right? Well, my late elder sister and I are the black sheep in the ‘current’ generation so we both didn’t inherited the Magic Crest. Since we’re the only survivors left, the Kōcho Family is no longer a mage family anymore nor could anyone carry the name of Kōcho in the future.”

“…something happened?” Suddenly, Kirei recalled the words of his master. _Her family was quite bountiful until, as the report said, they died in some kind of illness, an illness not even her parents survived, except for a girl._

“They suddenly dropped like flies one day,” Kōcho replied. “I’d thought if they were pulling a prank on me and my sister, but when we checked their bodies, they’re already dead. It was a massacre, and it happened during when my late sister and I were away so we didn’t know who slaughtered the entire family. We ran away in fear, thinking that we would be blamed in the incident. And with the Ubuyashiki’s kindness that we met encountered halfway as sort-of-fugitives, they unquestionably took us in.”

It doesn’t sound like an illness, so it probably wasn’t related what happened to Tsuyuri Kanao’s family, Kirei concluded. “I see. It is shame to what happened in your family, but I’m afraid we’d strayed away from the main topic why Tsuyuri Kanao had the Mystic Eyes.” Kirei reminded her bluntly.

“My apologies, priest,” Kōcho replied mildly. “Now, it’s your turn. What had been Tsuyuri Kanao doing these days?”

Even though it was a rather confidential information, Kirei told these words mildly as he can, “Tsuyuri Kanao was given a Sealing Designation by the Mage’s Association, and she was offered to become an Enforcer.”

“…excuse me?” In a rare show of different expression instead of her usual smile, that was the first time Kirei saw bewilderment on Kōcho’s face. He inwardly smirked.

And he was snapped out from the memory when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Kirei opened his eyes and saw Kanao standing over him. “I’ll be going, Kirei-san. It’s time for me to work,” she told him.

Kirei only nodded to her. Kanao bowed in farewell and walked towards the door to enter the mansion. He stared at her small back, then swept his gaze of the bellowing flowers that swayed in the wind, making a rustling noise and the wafting smell swirled around the garden like a small storm.

As he looked down, multiple petals rested on the ground, lifeless yet beautiful. 

And for some reason, it reminded him of… _her_.

* * *

Kirei and Kanao had sparred for a few days, refining her Baji Quan, before Tohsaka Tokiomi told him that will be making a show of ‘to break his connection from his master because a Command Seal has appeared on my hand’. Kirei accepted dutifully, and ‘broke away’ his ‘connection’ to his master. Tohsaka Tokiomi also told him that he should summon a Servant soon, preferably Assassin for covert and undercover tasks.  
And so he did summon Assassin, Hassan-I Sabbah, the Old Man of the Mountain.

He found it slightly amusing that the Heroic Spirit he summoned came from a zealot organization that specializes in assassination. While his former job doesn’t fully lean to senseless assassination, Executors are, to some extent, the same in nature to Hassan-I Sabbah. Killing heretics mages and creatures — such is the responsibility of an Executor, all of it doing in the name of God. In other words, to purge the evil dwelling in this world.

Since he’d no longer visited the Tohsaka Mansion, that dream came to haunt him once more. The discordant yet harmonious world of dull and colorful world — the world of flowers and the world of stones at either sides that existed in an almost symphonic way.

Her back was facing him. Her hair swaying the wind at the passing breeze, along with the flowers surrounding her. In a strange of sense madness that suddenly possessed him, Kirei stepped into the world of flowers, leaving his world of stones, and walked towards her until he was standing right behind her.

She still haven’t noticed him. Her (—) hair still swaying at the wind as if she was floating in the water. The flowers rustled along with her hair, its tips tickling her shoulders, making her hair even messier. 

Kirei stepped around her, facing the familiar face he knew so much. Smiling, he raised his hands and grasped between the face and neck gently. And then he uttered a name with twisted affection:

_“Claudia.”_

Golden eyes and white hair. Messy short hair and sickly constitution. A woman he came love was standing in front of him. His loved one who didn’t came to understand him. A saintly figure who continues to love him, blinded by love, seeing through love. A woman in love who overlooked his true nature.

Claudia Hortensia, a woman he suffered and was suffered that Kirei had cried for, and regretted that she didn’t die on his own hand.

_“Kirei-san.”_

But Claudia Hortensia was not the one he held in his hand. The person in front of him was Tsuyuri Kanao. He quickly pulled away his hands as if he was burned. Looking at his hands in bewilderment, he raised his eyes to the person in front of him.

Why was Claudia Hortensia suddenly replaced by Tsuyuri Kanao? Why is he holding her affectionately? And why is it Tsuyuri Kanao always appeared in his dreams? “Who are you?” Kirei asked almost accusingly. He wanted answers to his questions; he wanted reasons. And most of all, he wanted to know if there was significance of her presence here in this dream.

She didn’t respond. She just stared, looking at him with her piercing, striking eyes. She continued to gaze, and gaze, and gaze at him, until suddenly, a familiar blood-red flower violently sprouted in one of her eyes, as blood gushed out from it, along with similar flowers blooming in the same gore manner appearing throughout her body.

Kirei woke up with a jolt, dumbfounded what he’d seen in his dream.

* * *

Few weeks later, Kirei found himself sitting on one of the benches in the park, waiting for someone.

The reason why he was waiting was trivial, yet he accepted the trifling matter and waited for someone who asked for a favor to see him. But Kirei would be lying if he knew why Tsuyuri Kanao asked for his presence, their setting of meeting here in this park at the same spot they’d sat before when she told him of a certain revelation of a certain Dead Apostle, along with its coincidences that happened sixty years ago.

His master had told him about the previous Holy Grail Wars prior to its current fourth War, the war which he will be participating and will be happening in a few months, raising its curtain to the latest Holy Grail War. The third War, according to his master, ended in a disastrously. Since it was held in the eve of World War II, outside Masters included Nazis and military alike, Edelfelt sisters summoning the same Saber-class Servant due to their unique Sorcery Trait, and whatnot, had joined the Holy Grail War — a battle between mages. It was quite a hellish event, truly living up to the name of a Holy Grail War, unlike of the second War, as Tohsaka Tokiomi told him, that participating Masters during that time went on a murder spree, leaving no surviving Master left. Expectedly, there was no victor. And the third War had the same result due the lesser Grail being destroyed.

And a Kōcho ancestor attempted to look into the Root using a certain incident sixty years ago, Kirei recalled. That incident can be none other than the Third Holy Grail War, which Kōcho implies that her ancestor had participated. But still, Kirei thought. Kanao mentioned the reason that the enigmatic organization she was connected with also began roughly sixty years ago, within the same timeframe of the War. Is it possible that the Ubuyashiki Family was also involved the Holy Grail War? Kibutsuji Muzan was, in the eyes of the Church, a blight of this world, a presence unneeded, and heretic creature called Dead Apostle. But if Kibutsuji Muzan was involved in that War… And also, apparently according to Kanao, was the beginning of a personal trifle between this Dead Apostle and the Ubuyashiki Family... There’s also the Ubuyashiki’s connection to the Tohsakas that can’t be ignored.

Kirei can’t help but think that there was some kind of connection in these events, one way or another.

_Tsuyuri Kanao has arrived, master_. Assassin telepathically reported, snapping him out of his thoughts. Since his Servant was hiding in the shadows by the courtesy of his Class Skills, Presence Concealment, Assassin has been acting as Kirei’s eyes almost immediately at the moment of the summoning. He also received his Servant’s consent for shared perception.

Assassin has been quite acquainted with the presence of Tsuyuri Kanao, already familiarizing the appearance of the woman whom Rin’s has given a responsibility to be a ‘good friend’. Ever since Kirei had ‘severed’ his apprenticeship, Tohsaka Tokiomi also made Kanao undertook a role of ‘a person distressed of their severed ties’ front. 

Of course, this role should have been meaningless, however, as Kanao had told him in one of her visits here in this usual setting of meeting here in this park, there’s always significance in every meaninglessness. “After all,” she’d told him, “every individual human beings are meaningless existence in a sense of scale to the entire world, I think. I observed that they’re naturally selfish and lonely beings, always thinking for themselves yet at times, thinking for the sake of other person. They’re such an inconsistent creatures. But…” she smiled faintly. “But that’s probably rich coming from me since I am a human being too.”

Kirei agreed heartedly. That’s what he’d observed too, and acted like a human being, a contradictory individual much like themselves. But that notion, as he’d found out, was, ironically, a meaningless endeavor. No matter what he does, acting and conducting himself to become like them wasn’t enough. Why is it that they were able to live with that contradiction? he found himself asking at some point. How is it they were able to live with that perpetual flaw but still lived in satisfaction and fulfillment?

“Good evening, Kirei-san,” she greeted him. Kirei stood up.

“Good evening,” he greeted in return.

“I apologize for making the trouble for meeting me here in this late of night.” She bowed in apology.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said lightly.

She looked as though she was about to say something, but whipped her attention at something behind him, her keen eyes pointed to direction. Kirei followed her eyes and saw nothing… except for the dark shadow that wasn’t lighted by the lamppost. “What’s wrong?” he asked, trying to shift her attention. Kirei felt the presence of Assassin right there hiding in that shadow earlier, but the moment she landed her eyes there, Assassin immediately moved and it seems like Kanao noticed it. With that Mystic Eyes of hers, it’s possible that she’d seen through Assassin’s Presence Concealment, Kirei presumed.

“…it’s probably just my imagination,” she said eventually, and changed the subject as she gestured him to sit. Kirei did and sat beside her with appropriate space between them in the bench. “I… will say this to you straightly. Can you please return the favor when I told you about my interpretation about you?”

“That’s… quite a strange request,” he told her equally frank. Interpretation; does she want to know what he’d thought of her in a form of ‘interpretation’?

“I think so too,” she admitted. “But Kirei-san, after all this time, I haven’t heard about your thoughts — your true thoughts, I mean. I may have these Eyes, but it doesn’t confirm nor reject anything. What I perceive is not always true, what I’d perceived doesn’t always come out as just and correct — information seen through eyes can change infinitely, and it can be seen as good or bad. They may say seeing is believing, but sometimes, you have to validate what you’ve seen and settle that what you’ve seen was truly what you’d saw.”

The way she phrased her words was like something she’d already experienced, Kirei observed. Probably, in her perspective, possessing that Mystic Eyes was either a blessing or a curse. Blessing, for it sees what you want and provide answers to your questions that is unspoken. Curse, for it sees unpleasant, unwanted, unwelcomed sight that may haunt your dreams. But then again, as Kirei recalled his master’s words, Mystic Eyes can be a double-edged sword. Since its ability is more in a psychic realm; if you don’t safeguard your own brain, it may be cause the melting of your sanity.

Metaphorical Interpretation. That’s the alternative way of using Tsuyuri Kanao’s powerful sight. Receiving continuous stream of information was too much for her, so instead accepting what she’d seen as a fact, she used her own way of eccentric illumination to see. It’s an unconventional way to see the truth, but whatever she’d seen — no matter her interpretation was — nevertheless was still a truth. After all, that’s the purpose of the Mystic Eyes of Hollow Perception: to perceive the highest ‘truth’ — the Akashic Records. In other words, the Root.

And speaking of interpretation… “An interpretation for an interpretation, is that what you want from me?” he asked.

She nodded. “I know you don’t see the same way as I am. You don’t have to be… abstract. Just say what you wanted to say about me.”

So she’s that kind of person, huh? Kirei thought in slight amusement, a person who wanted to know other people’s opinion about themselves. His ‘interpretation’ of her was already realized long ago. “A ‘seed’. That’s my ‘interpretation’ of you,” he told her. “You arrived in the Tohsaka Mansion, and Tohsaka Aoi nurtured you and brought you food behind her husband’s back. And then you grew into a little seedling; the longer you stayed, the more you nurtured.” Kirei deliberately left some things out, and then he continued, “Since you have ‘planted’ yourself to them, you decided to be honest as you can be, and told them your connection to an organization. This caught their attention, akin striking, different flower; a unique flower that they can’t help but notice its bloom. So they, the Mage’s Association, took you in, given you a Sealing Designation. And from that, a different seedling grew.

“It wasn’t an ordinary seed; it was a seed that can grow into infinite possibilities — in other words, it doesn’t produce only one flower but a branch of different kinds of blossom,” Kirei clarified when he saw her confused look. “The seedling that cultivated in the Tohsaka Manor continues to be nurtured, and another one has sprouted for the Mage’s Association. Both seedling grew into its potential, blooming in vitality differently. A branch might have cultivated during your stay at the Mage’s Association, producing different sets of flowers, or maybe it was otherwise.” After all, Kirei doesn’t know what happened to Kanao in the Clock Tower, so all he can do was only assume.

She stared at him keenly. “You didn’t tell everything,” she observed.

Kirei returned her look. “I might be.”

“But despite that, it was still the truth, isn’t it?” she asked shrewdly.

“It is.” Partially. His interpretation of ‘seed of possibilities’ still applies to her, and he wasn’t exactly lying when he explained about it. There’s another ‘interpretation’ of his that suited her more than being a ‘seed of possibilities’.

“I accept.” She slightly inclined her head forward, acknowledging his words and interpretation. “If Kirei-san’s interpretation was partially concealed then let me reveal this to you, so that we may face each other in equal standing.” Kanao looked at him straight in eyes. “A bottle that is half-empty and half-full was just one of my interpretation about you. In other words, it was an understatement.”

“It was…” It was just an ironic interpretation? Those words didn’t left his mouth because of his bewilderment. To think she had delivered those words to him before — which was accurate in a strange, eccentric way — and to unveil that it was actually just a satirical, tongue-in-cheek interpretation… _If that interpretation was simply only a sardonic one, then what was her ‘true’ interpretation?_ Kirei thought.

“I’m not implying that it wasn’t real one,” she added in clarification, “nor was it only a joke. It’s still a ‘true’ interpretation what I’d seen of you. If I’m some kind of ‘seed’, then you, Kirei-san, are one too. Although, Kirei-san grew into, not as a blossom, but rather, a fruit tree. An apple or fig tree perhaps but it can be any tree; a fruit tree that perpetually bore fruits but only ended up getting rotten, leaving it fruitless.”

In other words, Kirei realized as he listened, an endeavor that gets wasted. As expected from her; once again, she was right — however, only to some extent. He doesn’t exactly saw his endeavors as fruitless; he learned things and ways that’s beneficial to him personally. On the other hand, if she was talking about a different kind of endeavor — the kind of endeavor that he thought the responsibility he chose for himself had suited him, but doesn’t fulfill any kind of satisfaction to the gaping void of his heart, and leaving it partway in silent scorn — she’s right. In different angle of perspective, he’d left it to rot. Kirei would rot the expectations that others expected from him, if ever that time comes.

_A healthy-looking fruit, yet the insides are already decayed. A corrupted, aberrant fruit._ If Kirei has to follow Kanao’s line of thought, this is the more accurate interpretation to describe himself.

“Telling me all this means you’re asking the same in return, aren’t you?” Kirei remarked keenly.

“An eye for an eye, a lie for a lie, a truth for a truth. If everything is equal, we will reached an understanding to each other,” Kanao said as if reciting someone’s words. “My… someone taught me that.”

Kirei regarded her last words in a second before he decided to leave it alone. “In a nutshell, communication,” he concluded. “Fine. I accept. I’ll tell you my ‘true’ interpretation.” He paused to prepare himself. “A vase. That’s what — who you are in my perspective. If you say that I’m a bottomless bottle waiting to be satiated despite constantly being filled, then you are a vase inviting to be filled, holding the flowers despite the mass quantity of it. You are a container—holding the responsibilities given to you but never burdened by it. After all, a vase doesn’t hold the same flowers forever, it can replaced because flowers doesn’t bloom eternally. It needed to be nurtured, it needed to be cultivated in the right hands. And a vase doesn’t have that ability to do it, it was simply there, with water half-filled to preserve the flowers that will eventually lost its color.”

“It’s an incomplete vase?”

“An immature vase,” Kirei corrected. “An unformed vase that doesn’t have a foundation yet. It held no direction to move forward, but simply only still in its position. It provide what it can only provide which is to hold the flowers—an act, perhaps it’s only fate to do so.”

“…so it doesn’t possess any hindsight for future?”

“Not necessarily,” he assured. “It’s an unformed vase. There’s a chance for it to… reach its potential. Metaphorically speaking, it’s a vase that can hold anything because it can and will always be. It will accept any kind of flowers because it’s the right way to do. And using the flowers that the vase held, it ‘records’ the nature of flowers it preserved. With that, the vase acquired an experience by simply being still, and it will ‘grow’ through that simple act.”

As Kirei told those words with finality, he glanced at Kanao beside him. Inadvertently, their eyes met. Her striking lilac-purple eyes shined under the moonlight just in time when the clouds parted above them, and he saw the emotions danced on her eyes.

Hope, resignation, acknowledgement — these are what he saw along hopelessness and desperation as if his words were her life’s impetus. Was that reason why she called me out here? After all, Kirei can’t help but sense the hint of resolution in this meeting.

“You’re thinking… of a reason of this final meeting despite our multiple encounters here,” Kanao remarked in observation, their eyes locked to each other. Of course, Kirei thought, in this position, she can easily see through him. “Since it’s getting late, I’ll tell you the reason.” She looked away and stood up, and somehow, as if possessed with a strange madness, Kirei followed her actions.

“So this is a goodbye?” he suspected.

“The Holy Grail War is rapidly approaching, and your master is increasingly getting cautious. Other than asking for a favor that came from me, your master also asked for your presence tomorrow along with your… familiar.” She swept her gaze at the shadow where she’d glanced earlier. “To answer your question, yes, this is a farewell, although a temporary one if it comes to that. If the Holy Grail War does lives up to its name, you might have little chance for survival, Kirei-san,” she said frankly without reservation.

For a strange reason, a bubble of disappointment rose in his chest. “It is a shame that you didn’t enter this War. My master told me so.”

“An opinion I won’t agree,” she replied without a beat, as he’d expected. “The time of parting has come, Kirei-san, is there something you wanted to do?”

At first, when Kirei heard the offer, he thought of nothing, but then in a moment later, an image appeared in his mind’s eye. It wasn’t a desire nor a wish; the image came to him like a thunder as if reminding him instinctually, as if stirring him to respond the offer she gave to him. But the problem is, it’s impossible to recreate the image. After all, the sight that came to him was—

“I do not fear death. That’s what my faith incites so,” he replied, instead of entertaining the idea of the image in his head. “And if I may add in reassurance, I won’t die. My task is to accompany my master until the conclusion of the War. I have that confidence as Tohsaka Tokiomi’s apprentice.”

“And after that? What happens if you have concluded your role as Tohsaka Tokiomi’s apprentice?”

Good question, Kirei acknowledged, but every questions will always have answers. “The farce that we’d put up as a front will turn into a reality. My severed ties with my master will be noticed if I go back as if nothing had happened. We’ve settled that once—if both of us survived in this War, we’ll go in separate ways.” After all, Tohsaka Tokiomi will have no further use of me, if ever that time comes, he thought. Kirei was just a pawn being conveniently used, and that so-called convenience will lost value once the Holy Grail War ends.

“I see.” She looked at him pensively. “And you’re still looking for something,” she said pointedly.

“I still am,” he confessed.

“And I suppose that this Holy Grail War will make your… endeavors reach its conclusion.”

“…hopefully.” If Kirei was chosen as a Master in this event because of his ‘heart’s desire’, then perhaps, he’ll find his answers.

Kanao smiled and bowed courteously. “I wish you luck, Kirei-san, and your master. May the Holy Grail be within your reach soon,” she said almost approvingly, as if they will be the one who will emerge as victors in this War.

“You have my thanks.” He returned her bow. “The night is already high and seems to be approaching its dawn. This will be time of parting—“

Kirei went still as a rock. It took him a while to register the warmth he felt in his front, and the hands that rested on hardened back. His posture was straight as a pole, yet like a pole as he seems he is, there’s no mistaking of the sensation he’d felt of another body pressing on him.

It has been a while since another person had violated his personal space, those were the thoughts Kirei rushed on his mind, but nevertheless, he welcomed the strange comfortable warmth that coursed through him. When was the last time someone hugged him? he wondered. At first, he thought of Claudia, and looking back, a strange warmth also flowed through his entire being—a different kind of warmth compared to Tsuyuri Kanao’s embrace. But why was it so different? he thought confusingly. It was the same act yet both had different kind of level of sensation that affects him.

And then Kanao pulled away, backing away in a single step back from him. She bowed once more. “Thank you, Kirei-san, for being a good friend of mine. I’ll always treasured our time together,” she told him in finality, and without a second glance, she walked away wordlessly.

* * *

When Kirei first laid his eyes on her, it was supposed to be forgettable and ordinary. It was so brief and fleeting, and not something he should’ve paid attention because of how unremarkable their meeting was.

But it wasn’t. It may be unremarkable but it wasn’t. It was premonition, a prelude of the significance of meaninglessness. As if to understand to each other, to fathom each other, to see the value to one another; in the end, leads to the path of emptiness.

Was it truly meaningless? Kirei thought. Did it truly lead and will end up as meaningless? He wanted to say otherwise with that thought, but found no firm reason to justify that it wasn’t meaningless.

If he had to incite a loose reason, a personal selfish reason, Kirei would say she made him see a broken mirror. To put it more accurately, Tsuyuri Kanao’s existence, as she’d face him in equal footing, became his distorted, jarred mirror. What she showed was not perfect reflection, she was only cracked imitation of himself—of her who also possessed the same emptiness as him.  
What was the point of this realization? he wondered. In the end, it was that meaninglessness again.

“The time of parting has come, Kirei-san, is there something you wanted to do?”

At first, when Kirei heard the offer, he thought of nothing, but then in a moment later, an image appeared in his mind’s eye. It wasn’t a desire nor a wish; the image came to him like a thunder as if reminding him instinctually, as if stirring him to respond the offer she gave to him. But the problem is, it’s impossible to recreate the image. After all, the sight that came to him was—

She didn’t respond. She just stared, looking at him with her piercing, striking eyes. She continued to gaze, and gaze, and gaze at him, until suddenly, a familiar blood-red flower violently sprouted in one of her eyes, as blood gushed out from it, along with similar flowers blooming in the same gore manner appearing throughout her body.

_“Thank you, Kirei-san, for being a good friend of mine. I’ll always treasured our time together.”_

“Yes,” he said in a dream—of a certain dream that always came to haunt him every night. “And in turn, you, alone, will always be a friend of mine.”

Kotomine Kirei had been by himself as far as he can remember. He acknowledged that he never had someone fit to be called as a true friend. He’d never engaged in such trifling matter before, but this time, it changed. Without him knowing, the matter between him and Tsuyuri Kanao had irrevocably changed somehow.

When did it change? he’d wondered before. When did it change between them? They’re supposed to be a boundary between them, a boundary that neither of them should never dare to cross and yet they did. How did that happen? Was it because of their countless conversation? Of their insignificant meetings?

Perhaps he was still immature to perceive and understand the matter of friendship, he reflected. This much confusion he felt would’ve never troubled him if he can already comprehend such matters. But if there’s one thing he knew from this matter, was that, there’s no mistake about it, Tsuyuri Kanao has and had been a friend of his.

A friend, he thought indifferently.

A friend, he thought mildly.

A friend, he thought contemplatively.

A… friend, he thought repeatedly.

_“If possible… only if possible, I wish to be your friend, Kirei-san. Is that possible?”_ The apparition of Tsuyuri Kanao parroted her reality counterpart.

_“What if I’m a bad kind of friend?”_ Kirei repeated his question as before.

_“But a friend nonetheless,”_ she countered with the same manner.

_“I would be a bad influence to you.”_

_“You never felt happiness, felt joy, felt satisfaction, felt fulfilled. What kind of person are you — no, how have you been alive this long, walked this earth as if you existed when you, yourself, doesn’t feel alive at all?”_ The apparition told him in an equally same cold delivery of words just as the real one.

The dream he dreamt was that same discordant harmonious world. A world of stones and a world of flowers, connected together in impossible manner.

And as usual, Tsuyuri Kanao stood in the field of flowers, unmoving…

…with blood-red flowers bleeding, gouging violently from her fair skin.

The flowers that’d bloomed in gore manner from his previous dream stayed as if waiting for a continuation. And the blood-red flowers that broke out under her skin had almost covered her entire body, while still standing as if she wasn’t affected, as if she wasn’t in pain at all. But the sight she provided to him was a painful one—or at least, Kirei thought was painful for her.

A striking, piercing lilac-purple eye. That was the only thing Kirei saw from Tsuyuri Kanao under those blood-red flowers. Observing, scrutinizing, gazing as if perpetually seeing what she’d been looking for. And as for him, in a twisted way, perhaps this was his fleeting desire for her.

For the red spider lily flower that symbolizes death, and Death that’d possibly—no, that Kirei wanted Kanao to wear like a second skin in her entire being, he wanted to reap her life with his own hands.

They say dreams can show the reflection of your truest desire that slumbered within your heart. And maybe, with these dreams of his, this was simply one of his truest desire.  
So he walked forward, no longer looking back, no longer turning back. He just simply moved ahead of him. Towards her. Towards the tormented Tsuyuri Kanao of his dream. Towards the distorted, corrupted image of Tsuyuri Kanao—his true sight of her, and entered her world of flowers.

And held her tightly in his arms.

Her world of flowers immediately withered. Kirei was satisfied at the sight he saw, his lips stretching which he identified to be a smile. He’s smiling. Kotomine Kirei is smiling.  
But not for long.

His momentary delight was quickly erased at another sight. It was an outsider uninvited in his dream that nevertheless he had no choice but to welcome it. 

A man. A man dressed in black. Modern black clothes with the long coat bellowed to the wind. If Kirei had to compare him with Kanao, this outsider was simply an unpleasant sight.

Possessing that cold, hard face and hollow eyes, Emiya Kiritsugu stood unnoticing in his dream.

_“And I suppose that this Holy Grail War will make your… endeavors reach its conclusion.”_

As the apparition in a form of Tsuyuri Kanao in his arms scattered into colorful butterflies that almost obscured his vision, certain words echoed in his head. Words that seemed to be more talking to himself, convincing himself that if he searched for an answer, this would be the right course.

_Ask your rotten heart, ask your sinful, wicked heart. Ask your battle-hardened instincts. Ask your tortured, disciplined body. Ask your experienced, skillful perception. Ask everything within you if your mind fails you. In that, the answer; your desire, your curiosity, your confusion, the thing you are searching for, might come into a realization._

_Seek relentlessly and single-mindedly for a reason, Kotomine Kirei._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand that’s the end of Kirei’s POV. As usual, he gave me trouble than necessary. I love you Kirei but I really hate writing you. I still love you though. Hehe.
> 
> Once again, I’m sorry if I didn’t accurately portray Kirei ‘enough’. I might have missed some details that I wasn’t aware or possibly missed a point in his character but if you do, please feel free to tell me or reprimand me or something so that I’ll know about it. You can even discuss about it. I’m willing to listen.
> 
> Anyways, this chapter probably needs some heavy revision and/or edit. Reading this must have felt like 80%/90% dialogue and 10% monologue. To be honest, rereading this chapter myself gave me a slight headache. Some scenes I planned didn’t made it here and I didn’t expect there would be a lot of dialogues, and there’s probably more mistakes than usual. This chapter was rushed because I’m a hurry to finish this chapter. School has started this week so I made myself a deadline. Who knows when is the next update?
> 
> Speaking of next chapter, which might be the last or not, we’re switching to Kanao’s POV. Curious of her actual opinion of Kirei? Curious how she managed that Mystic Eyes of hers and her thought process? And lastly, are you curious (or wondering) if you’ll be able to see the rest of the Demon Slayer cast? Well, all I can say is wait patiently. I’ll write the next chapter in my free time or if I find myself procrastinating. There’s a huge possibility that if the next chapter is actually the last chapter, it will be a monster on its own (read: very long).
> 
> Thank you for reading this self-indulgent fic of mine.
> 
> …and guys, have you noticed this chapter seemed to be suspiciously setting something up? Yeah, anyways, see you next update!


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